exhausted!

[mts1973]

I was taken back to court, because ex-husband was trying to get full custody of his child, and have me pay him child support. He was going to take her to live in a half basement appartment. He presented to the courts his desperation, trying in all efforts making me look like a bad mother and a bad person. Lied about so much!! Lied about the kids IQ, saying they are failing school because of me. Many, many more crazy accusations. Anyway the case didn't make it past case conference, he had consented 2 years ago to the mediation agreement, and the judge didn't find any reason to have all these changes made to our daughter. To avoid more legal costs I decided I will persue the child support on my own. The judge wrote it that I will be able to re-apply with out prejiduce, because I probably have entitlement due to his wage increase. Well now I am getting threats from the ex, telling what he would do if I went after more support. Cause me lots of stress (by doing certain horrible actions) He would take me to civil court, and drag it out in courts, because he says family court are bias to men/fathers, and he will have a chance there. (He got everything he asked for in the agreement he consented to, over 2 years ago) He thinks I owe him money, and tells me I have been slandering him. (untrue) He has made it a mission of his trying to fight the family courts. I have a feeling this has been stewing in his head and he trying to mustering up some plan, even if I didn't go after more child support. He is not going to allow me to move on isn't he? There is nothing amicable about this at all, it's been has nothing but a soap opera for many years now. He has been getting his advice from a men support group, and took me to court with no lawyer, but had threatened me to lawyer up.

[Mess]

I'm not sure what your question is.

A civil court will not hear a family court matter, especially about child support. He is living in a fantasy world.

Your choice is to listen to his fantasies and get stressed, or ignore him and live your life.

My advice is to limit all contact to email only so that you have a record of any irrational threats. And then in the meantime ignore them.

We could all get sued any time for any possible thing by our exs or even by perfect strangers. We could also get hit by cars while crossing the street or slip in the bathtub. You can't live your life stressing about what might happen.

Deal with it when it does happen (btw, it won't. He doesn't have a case.)

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by Mess

I'm not sure what your question is.

A civil court will not hear a family court matter, especially about child support. He is living in a fantasy world.

Your choice is to listen to his fantasies and get stressed, or ignore him and live your life.

My advice is to limit all contact to email only so that you have a record of any irrational threats. And then in the meantime ignore them.

We could all get sued any time for any possible thing by our exs or even by perfect strangers. We could also get hit by cars while crossing the street or slip in the bathtub. You can't live your life stressing about what might happen.

Deal with it when it does happen (btw, it won't. He doesn't have a case.)

Threats of litigation on a consistent basis like this is all about control. The person doing it wants to create fear in you and get an emotional reaction. Mess' recommendations are bang on.

More than email... Recommend something like Empower your shared child custody. - OurFamilyWizard | child custody | parenting time. It is way more accountable than email and secure.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[mts1973]

Well how can I make this stop, it doesn't seem like it will ever stop. I do ignore it, but it seems to never go away. If he wants to attack me let him, but the kids? he is telling him how poor he is, because he has to pay child support. Tells them how lonely he is. Takes advantage of a situation, and tries to tell the kids that if they want to live with him, that it would be ok. As for a civil matter he think he can claim, he thinks I owe him money from before we were divorced. He says I am extorting him, and he is going to expose me as a criminal and a fraud. How am I expected to be civil with him when he is constantly against me? All this is not good for the kids. He preaches we should be friends, but how can I? Verbally we don't speak, it is through writing, mainly text, I try my best to make it formal as I can, I request he keep it to the children's interest only, but somehow it turns to be some argument. All the threats and bullying I had saved, for just in case. Causing stress on the other parent isn't good at all. I know how important it is for the child to be involved with their dad, and never once in all this I called him a bad dad. I am sick of the courts, but can I some how take this, telling them he needs some sort of counselling so that everyone can move on?

[dinkyface]

You're making it harder for yourself by taking on responsibility for his actions.

1) Stop expecting that you will become friends/amicable. Because of how HE is acting this is impossible. It is not your job to fix this. All you can do is be calm and civil.

2) Stop worrying about how to change or fix his behaviour - you can't. He IS an asshole.

3) Stop worrying about what he MIGHT do (as mess said) - you'll destroy yourself with worry!

The only thing is, if he is causing provable harm to the kids and/or clearly alienating them against you, then you might have a cause to go back to court ... but the question then is what do you ask for. A slap on the wrist? Some punitive measures? Less access time?

Best defense is just to keep your relationship with your kids strong, and be a good example to them of how to deal with difficult people.

[mts1973]

Thanks you for your replys! Also for allowing me to post. I will look into those links provided to me. I just want the fighting to stop, and everyone to do what they supposed to, or agreed. Thanks again, and now I am off to a nice late birthday lunch.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by dinkyface

You're making it harder for yourself by taking on responsibility for his actions.

1) Stop expecting that you will become friends/amicable. Because of how HE is acting this is impossible. It is not your job to fix this. All you can do is be calm and civil.

2) Stop worrying about how to change or fix his behaviour - you can't. He IS an asshole.

3) Stop worrying about what he MIGHT do (as mess said) - you'll destroy yourself with worry!

The only thing is, if he is causing provable harm to the kids and/or clearly alienating them against you, then you might have a cause to go back to court ... but the question then is what do you ask for. A slap on the wrist? Some punitive measures? Less access time?

Best defense is just to keep your relationship with your kids strong, and be a good example to them of how to deal with difficult people.

Excellent advice!