Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 04-20-2011, 11:35 PM
karmaseeker's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Here :)
Posts: 470
karmaseeker is on a distinguished road
Default &^%$#%&*(%^ excuse my french!

Every week there has to be something else.

Status quo has been we get the kids on Thursday for Easter.

She says no.

Lawyers letter says have the kids ready for Thurs.

She says no

We send email saying we will be collecting the children on thurs.

She says no. Taking the kids to the cottage for one night. You can have them Friday.

I am so unbelievably angry that she can violate and behave any way she wants, never putting the needs of this kids first, and never being held accountable.

It is easy for the nut job to prove non cooperation by simply never cooperating.

Now fiancee and I are arguing because we disagree on how to handle this. Why does it feel like I am fighting harder for his kids than him? He says we handle things differently. I just don't understand.

We've started counselling to deal with this constant crisis.

Now getting a migraine as I think my head may explode at any moment.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2011, 12:15 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,656
WorkingDAD is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by karmaseeker View Post
Every week there has to be something else.

Status quo has been we get the kids on Thursday for Easter.

She says no.

Lawyers letter says have the kids ready for Thurs.

She says no

We send email saying we will be collecting the children on thurs.

She says no. Taking the kids to the cottage for one night. You can have them Friday.

I am so unbelievably angry that she can violate and behave any way she wants, never putting the needs of this kids first, and never being held accountable.

It is easy for the nut job to prove non cooperation by simply never cooperating.

Now fiancee and I are arguing because we disagree on how to handle this. Why does it feel like I am fighting harder for his kids than him? He says we handle things differently. I just don't understand.

We've started counselling to deal with this constant crisis.

Now getting a migraine as I think my head may explode at any moment.
I know it almost imposable but I would like you to give one advice...
I know how hard is it but try VERY VERY HARD to mix all that indsanity into your relationship with your fiancee - it may just destroy your relationship. And probably that one other goal of other party...

And at the end of the day it his decision.

No offence but I am kind of strangling with the same ..
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2011, 09:37 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 341
winterwolf7 is on a distinguished road
Default

I had my Christmas ripped away in much the same way. Got a letter from X's lawyer outlining the Christmas visit schedule. Made plans, called family.

Then two days before Christmas get another letter from the lawyer saying it was an error and I don't actually get to see my son at all during Christmas.

Nice.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2011, 10:17 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,726
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Ultimately, it is your fiances decision. Respect his decision as it is his children. If he is ok with this, I don't know why you should be anything but ok also.

Document the instance, but know that 1 instance isn't much to drag her in for contempt.

I know how this may affect you, as my fiance has the same issues. She just cannot stand my ex and always sees the bad in every action. But again, it this is my battle I am the one in the middle, and I will deal with it. Same goes in your situation.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2011, 11:17 AM
karmaseeker's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Here :)
Posts: 470
karmaseeker is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks guys, It is the same with us for x mas, summer, and everything else. She dictates all access.

I know I worry more and stress more. It is hard for me not to get passionate about it for more than one reason. First, as I watch the kids suffer it drives me nuts, my momma bear instincts are activated. Second, because of my educational advantage I take care of the majority of legal prep, documentation, etc. So I am involved in the heart of it. At times, I would love to say, just leave me out of it and do it yourself. But, That wouldn't help anyone as I am more skilled and organized (he would agree with this). Each brings to a partnership skills and qualities. If I left him to struggle with something that is relatively easy for me to process through I wouldn't be doing a good job as a partner.

So while I wish I could agree that this is his problem alone... It directly impacts my life everyday in more ways then one. There is tension in the house, resources are all drained into this, and our lives feel put on hold.

So I am even more motivated to get things resolved because I want my life, with my partner, and children who are mentally and emotionally happy, with enough resources left at the end of the year to afford a trip to Canada's wonderland or even a holiday once in a year or two. I want peace and routine. These are simple desires that are reasonable.

Instead I see her mistreat her own children treating them like pawns in a game of power and money, take 4 holidays a year, destroy many families through multiple adultery, lie, cheat, disrupt, dictate, cause continual conflict, and all the while pleading some poor me crap to friends and family.

Just go get on with your new married lover and leave us alone!!! She has found replacement daddy and wants their REAL dad out of the scene.

It's disgusting what (some) women get away with. They give the rest of us a bad rep. The Pendulum has swung too far the other way. (Some) Women are not the victims they are the perpetrators of cruelty, abuse, and vile behaviour. Those women that behave like this should be ashamed of themselves. But that would require a conscience which clearly they are lacking!!
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 04-21-2011, 11:43 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,474
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

Even though you may have more skills, you can still back off a little and let him set the pace, and how hard to push, and where to draw the lines. Maybe as if you were the lawyer and he the client?

I can understand how frustrating it must be (or will be) to see lost opportunities, or to feel like HE is letting YOU be trampled on.

Last edited by dinkyface; 04-21-2011 at 11:45 AM.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 04-22-2011, 03:42 PM
wretchedotis's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by karmaseeker View Post
I am so unbelievably angry that she can violate and behave any way she wants, never putting the needs of this kids first, and never being held accountable.
I suggest you get used to this. It sucks- but there is little to be done. File a motion of contempt, maybe. But that doesn't really help does it? Just kind of raises the conflict - and I imagine is no more difficult to not comply with than is an Order.

I feel your pain. I live it too.
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 04-22-2011, 09:09 PM
NBDad's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Document the crap out of it, then when you have sufficient documentation (3 + times) you file a motion of contempt and ask the existing order be clarified.

ie. That when holiday access times falls on a Friday, that access will begin the day prior at the usual time.

Then she can't say no. (or she can , but then it's actually contempt)

Kick your lawyer in the ass, he should know this already .
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:16 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 25
neverdivorced is on a distinguished road
Default

Hang in there - it certainly seems like the courts are not there for the dad -
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 04-27-2011, 05:40 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 84
lilspinx is on a distinguished road
Default

Seems like communication breakdown. Sending legal letters back and forth is not going to solve anything. Give the ex the benefit of the doubt. Arrange a make up date for the children's Thursday to compensate. Be reasonable and flexible.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
CP Enrolling in French School - NCP English only dinkyface Parenting Issues 34 08-17-2011 04:06 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:51 AM.