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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-09-2011, 09:38 AM
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Default Ex denying access

I know what I should do. Go to where I am supposed to pick up our daugther, wait and then call her and then wait and then record the fact that she is not there. Then record some more missed access times but it is just so hard at christmas. We had plans to go get a christmas tree, her cousins were coming over and she only sees them maybe 4 times a year. I just don't know what to do anymore, I mean she is making up excuses because she moved 2 hours away, and now has lost her drivers license but does not want to tell me that she cannot come on sunday to pick her up from me. All I want is to be able to spend some time with my daughter.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:03 AM
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I posted this in your other post:

Quote:
I would send a simple email saying:

"Thank you for letting me know about D being sick. I will stop by the [local pharmacy] and pick up some flu medication for her. I will be over at [prescribed time] to pick her up."

If she tries to reply with saying you can't have her because she is sick, I would state that:

"While I do understand and appreciate that D is not well, I am equally as capable of tending to a sick child as the next parent. Therefore and I don't believe that having the flu is reason in itself to restrict my parenting time. Should you have any concerns, I am willing to listen. However, I believe being a parent is tending to the children not just when they are healthy but when they are ill.

I will be at [prescribed place] at [prescribed time] to exercise my parenting time with D."

Don't tell her about your families plans. A) she has no right to know and B) it will only backfire on you as she will say you're being selfish and only thinking about yourself...blah blah blah....

Just reinforce that you are equally as capable for looking after a sick kid as she is. She is comfortable in your house and you intend on exercising your parenting time.
If she lost her license, I would go to her residence (unless there is an order restraining you from do so) WITH A WITNESS AND DIGITAL VOICE RECORDER RUNNING and politely state you intend on exercising your parenting time.

Hopefully you get your D. If she is supposed to pick her up, well, go to the prescribed place and wait. If she doesn't show, go home with D and enjoy the extra time. It is not your issue if she cannot live up to her end of the obligations.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:36 AM
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Ok I sent her the email, thank you as its hard to think logically when I am stressed like this. I normally pick her up from school but I said I can pick her up at home today if needed. Also she picks her up from my house on Sundays. I will have someone with me and the voice recorder as well. Knowing her she will be out.
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Old 12-09-2011, 12:55 PM
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Just don't make driving her back to Mom a huge issue.

If she can't pick the child up - drive the child back to Mom.

Two steps forward, one step back.
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Old 12-09-2011, 08:27 PM
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I hope you have her by now and can start your family weekend!

I too, wouldn't make an issue about the return. If mom has no driver licence, I'd just drive your daughter back myself.
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:21 PM
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No child, mom or child were nowhere to be found. The problem is that she has never actually told me she does not have a license, though I did figure it out. No emails either from her so who knows whats up.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:20 PM
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This is when you document and send another email stating that you showed up at X time and expected to pick up D, since D was not ready you are expecting to have make up time for the missed parenting time ASAP.

Sorry this has happened but we al know it does, its hard of course but documentation will become your best friend
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Old 12-10-2011, 09:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
I know what I should do. Go to where I am supposed to pick up our daugther, wait and then call her and then wait and then record the fact that she is not there. Then record some more missed access times but it is just so hard at christmas. We had plans to go get a christmas tree, her cousins were coming over and she only sees them maybe 4 times a year. I just don't know what to do anymore, I mean she is making up excuses because she moved 2 hours away, and now has lost her drivers license but does not want to tell me that she cannot come on sunday to pick her up from me. All I want is to be able to spend some time with my daughter.
instead of playing this game how about just tell her straight out that you know she doesnt have her drivers licence anymore and that you are willing to do the pick up and drop off for a period of time (set a time limit) till she gets her end sorted out. That way the elephant is out in the open, then you can both work on resolving this problem. The whole, i know but im not telling her i know until she tells me game is wasting time.
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Old 12-10-2011, 09:31 AM
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I emailed her back, and asked how our daughter was doing, and asked if I could call her at some point to chat to our D. I told her that I had to go to her town yesterday to speak to her teacher anyways so I popped by at the regular time but they were not in. I also requested for her to come up with some dates for makeup time. I am trying to remain civil as possible, but this is being documented very well at least. The main reason I do not want to mention the driving is because her fiancee who is the reason they moved 6 months ago has a license, a car and every Sunday off of work so it is not like they cannot drive, its just that he does not want to, but he is the reason they are so far away.
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Old 12-10-2011, 01:34 PM
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yeah i get that. same thing happened to me. they move away and refuse to drive. the only solution is to do the driving myself - or not see the child. Easy decision there. Geuss I`ll drive...

As for all the BS of her not being there when you attempt to excercise access...
I would show up as scheduled - and call the police to the residence when its a no go. Then you have the failed attempt documented.

Calling the police also amps up the conflict, though. So you may or may not want to do that.

Court REALLY frowns on that sort of behaviour (witholding access). It may suck now - but if it continues it might be a very good thing for your case come trial. Keep your chin up - it might take awhile but it will work out.

As well - my experience tells me that the child will eventually see just who is being a jerk about the whole thing. Its a small consolation.

Last edited by wretchedotis; 12-10-2011 at 01:41 PM.
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