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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 07-29-2012, 05:22 PM
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I never could understand why someone would hook up with a person who is undergoing a high conflict separation/divorce.
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Old 07-29-2012, 05:26 PM
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Its beyond me lol!Would have thought its a huge turn off really.Isn't life hard enough without deliberately taking on more hardship and drama?
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Old 07-29-2012, 06:06 PM
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^ all excellent points. I would have serious reservations about any "man" in the boat that my ex is.. Also true, men don't seem to get nearly overly involved in a new partner's split as some women seem to. I'd like to believe it's the exception, and not the rule. My own personal experience (w/ex's new wife) has not been pleasant.

IMO, I am the dream ex. I don't talk to them, don't see him/them - there is no contact, and for us: that works best. I'm going to repeat myself, I'm sure; Once again though, for the record: I do commend anyone that can have an amicable split and deal with new partners, when there are children involved. *sigh* in a perfect world.

Last edited by hadenough; 07-29-2012 at 06:13 PM. Reason: paragragh/spacing
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Old 07-29-2012, 06:27 PM
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^ ditto that. My ex doesn't know where I live or have my phone number. My son thankfully isn't at the same employer so ex's girlfriend cant harass him at work anymore. We don't do facebook and a handful of people have our cell phone nos. Blissfully peaceful. Everything through lawyers and now we have it so we can go to same judge so ex's g/f can't attend court. Gotta love it!
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Old 07-29-2012, 06:50 PM
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I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my mom always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. Unknown

Yeah I don't miss mine but I do know people who do have decent relationships with their exes and its refreshing to see that level of maturity.But to be fair, those don't have adultery or abuse factoring, rather just fell out of love.The more emotions involved the harder things get. (Just my two cents)
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Old 07-29-2012, 09:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I never could understand why someone would hook up with a person who is undergoing a high conflict separation/divorce.
Why would anyone hook up with someone who is married? And yet it happens.

I think there must be a lot of misrepresentation of the truth going on.
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Old 07-30-2012, 07:52 AM
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Murphyslaw: your candid 'take' on this topic, from the perspective of the "1st partner or wife" is both accurate and most welcome, by me and a few others on here. We hear a lot from the "next/second/third" partners but very little from people who were on the scene w/our ex's from the beginning (so to speak).

That is not to say that some 2nd partners don't have a hell on wheels ex to deal with (their own and/or their new partner's). Certainly there are instances whereby this occurs, without a doubt.

A man (I'll use man for the purposes of my point, but it goes both ways) who has no respect for women, and has a continual patern of abusive behavior (of any kind) is not simply going to turn into Mr. Wonderful with a new partner. He may change his approach a little, play his games a little differently etc., but that Man, is still THAT man; and if/where he was fundamentally 'broken' and cruel in the first place, then *in my opinion* he cannot be fixed.

Exeptions do occur of course (in depth counseling, etc) - but it is VERY rare. If intelligence and morals ruled the day, we'd all just look at best interests of the children, and more situations would go smoothly and stay out of court. Alas, that way of thinking (to be combative) is the nature of the beast in many humans.. To fight. To create and maintain conflict. To never be satisfied. At the expense of far more than money, but inclusive of it.

Last edited by hadenough; 07-30-2012 at 08:01 AM.
  #48 (permalink)  
Old 07-30-2012, 09:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
another way to look at it could by like a person with cancer...cut out the cancer and the person continue on a healthy life.

so when the cancer is removed {wife leaves for example} the man can heal and carry on a much more productive life then when he was carrying the cancer......
Presumably in that case the person would want to ignore the cancer and move on, instead of continually harassing them as much as possible.
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Old 07-30-2012, 09:20 AM
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Or in other cases - when the man gets his ass booted to the curb ... The "cancer" is also removed. And how blissful that would be, if the two parted ways and each moved on with their lives without one (or both) trying their best to decimate the other.

10 years "time" w/a jerk. My fault for staying so long (my only regret). 5 years and counting, he continues to screw me over at every turn. Priceless. 15 years of pure torture. To me, that is just inexcusable. He's remarried, has kids. He should enjoy them and not put them thru the shit he does in his quest to screw me over. It's like a sickness/obsession he has.

Last edited by hadenough; 07-30-2012 at 09:24 AM.
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