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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-06-2014, 08:03 PM
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divorcing mama is on a distinguished road
Default ex asking me pay for his legal cost

he asked it on his application. is this common? anybody end up paying for their exes legal cost? ( FYI: He served me first)
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:19 PM
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Happens all the time. If he is offering something reasonable and you deny his offer and end up going to court, if a Judge awards a settlement close to what he offered you could end up paying his legal costs for being unreasonable. Many people have been faced with that. And it doesn't matter if you have money or can afford it or not, you will be expected to pay. In fact a poster on this board was successful in getting costs award TO him from his ex who was on legal aid.

Just another reason to be fair and reasonable, not everyone needs their day in court.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:27 PM
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Default no offer so far

Ex never offered anything besides "buying me out of the house "verbally, along with " not going to pay child support" "wanting spousal support" "not playing me back the money I lent him" and a whole lot of other uncalled for requests- all verbal though.


no written proposal

in fact i had tried to email him to talk about the plan moving forwards stating my plan financially and with the child.... without any feedback
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:44 PM
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In my understanding, costs may be awarded if to one party if the other party rejects a reasonable offer to settle and the matter ends up on court instead, taking up unnecessary time and resources. However, if you don't have a written offer, you've got nothing to reject. So until he presents you with a written offer to settle, you don't need to worry about him seeking costs. Once you have an offer, you can determine whether it's reasonable. Of course, I am not a lawyer and could be completely out to lunch.
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Old 11-06-2014, 08:52 PM
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That's quite reassuring. I think he is going all out and thinking that he really has nothing to lose. Neither of us wanted to spend the money. But I kept on approaching him wanting to settle something he kept on ignoring me. Everything he "wanted" to talk, it always end up with him bullying me and calling me names, blaming me for breaking his parents' heart and hurting his parents. ( not even because I took the baby...funny eh?). So I would cry and get mad- then he would pull out of his phone and videotape me saying he wanted to see how ridiculous I was. So no solid plan after every single "talk".

I then suggested mediation or arbitration, he didn't reply. Then when I asked him again, he asked me to do whatever I wanted.

Then I emailed him and asked him if he wanted to go to court but settle maybe the financial though lawyers....no reply again.

Eventually he gave me some mediators name that he wanted to go with. I picked one, but he didn't agree with my choice. ( Later it turned out he got confused about the name and thought I found a new mediator in fact it was one of the names he actually picked...)

Then some counsellor started telling me not to mediate- and really by that point I saw no point. I rather have someone else make a decision for us.
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Old 11-07-2014, 10:44 AM
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So now you're served
Time to be reasonable cause it's gonna cost you $
You'll be negotiating through lawyers now
Research the maximum contact principle
Enable generous access
Time to move on from the past and let go
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Old 11-07-2014, 11:20 AM
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In court, you can't get what you never ask for. So everybody puts costs right from the start, no matter what else is happening or how reasonable they are.
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