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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-23-2010, 04:39 PM
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Default E-mails from ex

I am receiving these e-mails from my STBX, they typically appear the night before communication comes from his lawyer. I ignore most of what he says, however, they usually have his opinion of what he believes the law to be and how the court will look unfavorably on me and agree with him. This current e-mail states that if I don’t sign immediately he will pursue court action.

The presence of these e-mails causes a good deal of stress for me and distracts me from making a decision on the issues at hand so that I can seek clarification and information regarding the content of his e-mails.

What I am asking is I want to instruct my lawyer to send an e-mail to his lawyer telling my STBX to stop sending e-mails. I will also be asking to have a clause removed that states “that there has been no circumstance of oppression, pressure that would suggest that there has been an imbalance in the negotiating of this agreement.”

Should I do this?

And

What is occupational rent?

In the latest e-mail from my STBX, he says he “will be seeking the full costs of litigation and occupational rent for the time I have lived in the house.” He moved out in December 2008 and I have been paying all the household bills, there is no mortgage on the house.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:43 PM
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You don't have to reply to any of his threats. If he wants something for you to sign he should be getting his lawyer to draft and send to your lawyer.
I wouldn't bother sending something to your lawyer right now, you are just going to get charged for it.

Don't respond to him (ex).... he's getting desperate and just end up looking like an ass. Just ignore a few before you respond. That will send him to do stupid things like this and you can use this against him later on if you proceed to go to court.

After a few that he sends, respond by asking him to stop sending emails directly to you, but that you are willing to receive a type of settlement or something down that line from his lawyer.

Of course, he's just threatening you. Everyone goes for costs, but from what I hear not much is ever really paid out and that's not a concern right now

Last edited by tugofwar; 09-23-2010 at 04:47 PM.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:49 PM
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I understand how stressful it can be. It is like an open line to mess with your head....he is bullying you. You don't need to listen to it. Ask him to stop. If he doesn't, you can threaten to take out a non-harassment order. Which is a form of restraining order.My husbands ex texts us everytime she gets an idea, bad mood, pms, or indigestion.....it is a huge invasion.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:50 PM
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That's the thing. These e-mails come the night before communication comes from his lawyer. There is a draft that needs to signed. It was sent on Monday, with a deadline of this Friday at 4pm and then last night he sends this latest e-mail.

Sould I ask to have that clause removed due to his constant e-mail threats?
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:56 PM
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Emails are actually better if you can't communicate. At least you have evidence of what he is saying. Imagine him calling you constantly saying this stuff to you. It's he said she said.
He's just trying to pressure you etc.
You don't have to sign anything you are unclear about or do not agree with or if you feel pressured to do such. What is your lawyer saying? Does the rest of his offer look reasonable?
This is part of the process. Im guessing you are at the beginning and not yet in court. This is normally what happens. He sends something, you send something and if there's no way in settling you go to court.
And he is just trying to threaten you into signing.

Last edited by tugofwar; 09-23-2010 at 05:00 PM.
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Old 09-23-2010, 04:57 PM
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If there are no children, you can talk to your local police about a harassment complaint as well, and have a "no-contact" order put into place.

In order to file a complaint, you must make him aware that you view the emails as harassment, and will take action if they do not cease. If you both have a lawyer, this is often one best left for them to handle, as it is a very contentious issue that could result in criminal charges. You want yourself covered off.

I would forward this last email to your lawyer. If both parties are represented, you could ask all correspondence be done between them, although this can become expensive for you if he becomes so inclined. Typically, a non-harassment letter will suffice, as his lawyer will have a stern "talking to".

As for occupational rent;

Occupation rent
Traditionally each co-owner has a right to possession of the entire property and cannot be liable to pay for their occupation, merely because one of them occupies the whole. These days, however, where one co-owner is occupying the property to the exclusion of the other, for whatever purpose or by whatever means, then if it is necessary to do 'equity' between the parties an occupational rent should be paid.

Where the absent party is able to enjoy his or rights to occupy the property, but chooses not to do so voluntarily and is not excluded by any relevant factor, then no occupational rent will be payable.

The key question therefore will often be whether there has been an 'exclusion'. If one party has forcefully excluded the other, then this will point to an occupational rent being payable. If one co-owner has left voluntarily, and would be welcome back, then normally an occupational rent will not be payable.

(quoted from Unmarried Couples and Property : Kaslers Solicitors LLP)
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:01 PM
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See also:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...nal-rent-3141/
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:13 PM
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There are children, they are teenagers. We are nearly, or could be, finished if it weren't for all these e-mails. Lately he puts the words " without prejudice" in the subject line.

So you think I should tell my lawyer that I view these e- mails as harrasment?

He left the house voluntarily, and shortly thereafter bought his own house. Until he moved into his new house he still had a key to the mat. home and came in when ever he wanted. He was not at anytime kept from entering the house and property.
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:19 PM
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If you are both close and satisfied with the order, do you think he will continue to send you emails?
There will probably be no reason to do so. He's just worried and threatening you cause he's in a panic.
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Old 09-23-2010, 05:32 PM
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We are close, I'm not entirely satisfied, but could agree with the latest draft with minor changes. I would like to think that his threats and pressure mean he has a weak case, but he truly believes he is right and justified in what he says and may continue to send them.

My lawyer has asked twice now that all comunication go through lawyers, but I think the STBX thinks it just means that week or maybe that day, because eventually he sends another e-mail.
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