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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-08-2012, 11:23 AM
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Maymay- please start to be cautious and aware of the escalation.

I lost one of my best friends 10 years ago to a matrimonial murder/suicide, and although my friend and I had talked about his escalating threatening actions, she was obviously unprepared when things took a turn for the worse.

Your recent posts are starting to make me worry for you.
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Old 05-08-2012, 11:33 AM
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At the end of my marriage my ex became violent and the police were called several times to remove him from our home.

I try not to talk to my ex but I did a week ago. I was trying to reason with him to quit taking me to court all the time to get SS cancelled after our 30 yr marriage]. Our conversation quickly disintegrated and he made the comment that he lived close to me "I could throw a stone at your place." Yes it is very unsettling to receive these veiled threats but I know he is just trying to get a rise of out me. All a person can really do is watch your back. Police can't always be there when you need them. I make sure I live in a fairly high-security building and keep my door locked ALL THE TIME.

We were married to idiots and I guess we just have to suffer the consequences of our poor decisions.
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Old 05-08-2012, 11:42 AM
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MayMay:

At one point, my stbx was even driving by my mother's house.

I considered hammering a sign into the front lawn that said "Get a Life" or mailing him a blow up doll so he'd find something to do with his time...but mostly I've what Mess suggested and just ignored it the behavior. I don't respond to legal letters, email or behaviors unless it concerns parenting issues. I'm praying that the custody evaluator that we had saw what a total wingnut he is.

Overall, it has gotten better...I still have small incidences but overall with time...it does get better. I know how invasive it feels so hang in there. Use your instincts if you feel its escalating and do what the other posters suggested in documenting it, just in case.
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Old 05-08-2012, 12:51 PM
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He's just driving by the house where his kids live.

You can't stop him, so ignore him, and change your view of it.

I find it excessive that you want to tell him that he can't do that. Anyone in the world can drive by your house.
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Old 05-08-2012, 11:32 PM
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Best, dont give them the satisfaction knowing they got to you.. it will adventually stop. My ex has driven by and left things (the child's things they forgot at their place) in my mailbox a few times and then texted me to let me know. ( stupid things like a pair of socks, a mitten... really?)

Honestly, I think they were looking for a reaction, I just choose to ignore. Almost like the ex wanted me to respond, or know they were in the area...
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:43 PM
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Mess-Thanks...I've started to ignore many things the past week, and I can tell it is having a positive effect (on me)...

Tayken-Fabulous idea ! I'll go and get one and hook it up ! I'll make sure the kids know what it is, and I'm sure they will mention it to dad that mom put it up.

Arabian-Incredibly childish. I'm sure his gf is very proud of her behaviour !
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
Maymay- please start to be cautious and aware of the escalation.

I lost one of my best friends 10 years ago to a matrimonial murder/suicide, and although my friend and I had talked about his escalating threatening actions, she was obviously unprepared when things took a turn for the worse.

Your recent posts are starting to make me worry for you.
McDreamy-I'm sorry about your friend. How tragic...I'm trying to avoid things getting worse, and am starting to look for alternates for drop-offs/exchanges.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
...keep my door locked ALL THE TIME.

We were married to idiots and I guess we just have to suffer the consequences of our poor decisions.
Arabian-I check mine all the time now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
...Overall, it has gotten better...I still have small incidences but overall with time...it does get better. I know how invasive it feels so hang in there. Use your instincts if you feel its escalating and do what the other posters suggested in documenting it, just in case.
Thansk PH...

Quote:
Originally Posted by billm View Post
He's just driving by the house where his kids live.

You can't stop him, so ignore him, and change your view of it.

I find it excessive that you want to tell him that he can't do that. Anyone in the world can drive by your house.
Billm-I live on a side street that would not lead to our marital house. There is reason for him to ever be on my street (unless it is to exchange our children, or drop something off if they needed it). It is only something that has been happening lately...it's not usual behaviour, and yes-I am getting a bit freaked out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tugofwar View Post
Honestly, I think they were looking for a reaction, I just choose to ignore. Almost like the ex wanted me to respond, or know they were in the area...
Thanks TOW...
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:54 PM
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My S13 often asks when he can have his own key for the house. I'm reluctant for 2 reasons - the first being that he might lose it, but the deeper fear is that the ex and/or his wife would get their hands on it (S13 is there EOW). I always lock my doors. I've taken criticism/comments in the past for the fact that me and ex do not speak, but it is imperative, given our history, that we do not: for peace of mind (what mind I have left) but more importantly for SAFETY.

About 4 months ago, a woman 3 blocks away from me was murdered by her STBX. I did not know her - but she was a beautiful, smart, young woman with 3 boys, all under the age of 12. The parties resided about 2.5 blocks away from one another. They had an upcoming case conference in a week. Her father was a (Retired) Superior Court Judge/Family Court. The husband looked like the most normal guy - by many accounts "a nice guy, a good dad."

THAT story really hit home and yes, they did have a rocky history in the 2 yrs leading up to this final, devastating incident. The news trucks were everywhere that day - S13's school and a couple of others had gone into lockdown. I live in a nice area. A good, "family" area - and this horrendous brutal taking of a life happened a few blocks away. It's scary.

Obviously something like this is not an every day occurrence. But somewhere, it is happening. That poor woman got up that day and sent her kids off to school having no idea what evil was about to befall her. That fateful day, 3 little boys lost both their parents.

In life - things can change in a minute. Be vigilant. While the chances are you'll be unharmed (whether by an ex or a stranger) - don't ever think "it can't happen to me."

mcdreamy: my condolences for the loss of your friend. A very difficult thing to come to grips with.

Last edited by hadenough; 05-09-2012 at 09:11 PM.
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