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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-07-2012, 10:04 PM
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Default Driving by my house

On the week-end, my ex ranted about a couple of things ( as usual ), and then proceeded to tell me "I saw xxxx when I drove by your house...", and "Kids were outside when I drove by your house...".

My leased house is 1.5 blocks away, and a side street. There is no reason to be anywhere near my street.

Anything I can do to stop him ?
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:34 PM
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Only if you involve the police.
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:51 PM
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May_May: No. *Nothing* you can do unless the Court issues a Restraining Order and they don't give those out like candy. The other obvious problem would be: how is he to drop off/pick up kids (or do they walk over?) - Also a T.R.O. would also require that you not attend his (your former) residence as well. Big Pain In The Ass.. The "3rd party/go-between" system doesn't work out well, or for long.
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Old 05-08-2012, 06:43 AM
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a friend of mine got a restaining order against someone for driving by but with that case the person would continually pass by them on the street as they were walking. They would go up to the next block and turn around and just keep doing that until my friend got to where they were going.

If your ex is just driving by just ignore him. He is trying to get a rise out of you. Like I said before you get a restaining order against him then he is entitled to get one against you for bothering him when both of you are at kids events.
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Old 05-08-2012, 06:51 AM
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Send him an email basically indicating that "pursuant to our conversation yesterday where you indicated you had driven by my house and seen XXXX and XXXXX. Given my home is on a side street, there should be no reason for you to be "driving by" unannounced. Go forward please cease and desist this behavior as I believe it is unduly threatening and detracts from our ability to effective coparent our children together.

If it happens again, you have your lawyer send him/his attorney an angry attorney letter officially requesting he stop. IF it continues after that, then it's stalker-ish behavior and you need to involve the authorities.
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Old 05-08-2012, 07:59 AM
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SOS's friend was definitely being stalked. In that case ^ was it a stranger or her ex?

The 'driving by' thing, while annoying - is more likely to qualify him for being nosy. No law against that. Depending on all the other (or the absence of) factors - it's debatable whether or not the Courts would issue a restraining order. Note: it is the Court that issues one, and then the cops enforce it.
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Old 05-08-2012, 08:06 AM
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Thanks everyone...

SOS_that's frightening ! my situation isn't that bad...it is starting to worry me and I am checking my locks more frequently.

I'm going to do as NBDad suggested and send him an email tonight and hopefully that will be enough. Have a great day...Thanks again HE and WO !!
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Old 05-08-2012, 08:25 AM
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I wouldn't respond to his behaviour at all. He isn't doing it to be ignored, he is doing it to get a response. If you email him, you are telling him that what he is doing is accomplishing what he wants it to.

The best response, directed at him, is none. Don't even notice. When you see him, smile and act as if you never saw him. That is what will end the behaviour in the quickest way. For your personal enjoyment, you can know that deep down inside it will piss him off that he went to all of that effort for nothing.

Meanwhile, document it, and if you can manage to take some photos of the car, do so, but again, don't let him be aware of it. If he pulls other crap in the future and it becomes more serious, you want to be able to document the pattern of behaviour over a long period of time. If you can have a credible witness on hand for some of the drive-bys, so much better.

(edit to add) For taking pictures, use a camera, not just a phone, and leave the files on the memory card, they will have a time and date stamp.
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
I wouldn't respond to his behaviour at all. He isn't doing it to be ignored, he is doing it to get a response. If you email him, you are telling him that what he is doing is accomplishing what he wants it to.
Bingo. Also, he has admitted to the behaviour and it is much better to ignore him now and attach the emails possibly on a later motion if necessary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
The best response, directed at him, is none. Don't even notice. When you see him, smile and act as if you never saw him. That is what will end the behaviour in the quickest way. For your personal enjoyment, you can know that deep down inside it will piss him off that he went to all of that effort for nothing.
The other parent is trying to create conflict and get a rise out of any emotional reaction you may have to the situation. Don't be drawn into the unnecessary conflict.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
Meanwhile, document it, and if you can manage to take some photos of the car, do so, but again, don't let him be aware of it. If he pulls other crap in the future and it becomes more serious, you want to be able to document the pattern of behaviour over a long period of time. If you can have a credible witness on hand for some of the drive-bys, so much better.
Also, a fast way to stop the behaviour is to install some basic video system on your home. You can buy a basic unit at Tiger Direct for peanuts these days. Not that you would use the evidence, you don't even have to turn it on... Just that it is there watching him watch you.

Usually in situations like this, once the video system goes up the parent and/or their private investigators disappear fast.

Good Luck!
Tayken

(edit to add) For taking pictures, use a camera, not just a phone, and leave the files on the memory card, they will have a time and date stamp.[/QUOTE]
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Old 05-08-2012, 10:17 AM
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My ex and his girlfriend liked to drive by, slow down, honk the horn, and wave at me from their car (I live on the top of 4 floor condo building). The ex's girlfriend loved to point at me and laugh. I just kept on playing with my plants and didn't give them the satisfaction that I gave a shit. I totally ignored them and they soon quit their childish behaviour. I plan to move and will do everything I can do to keep my next place confidential.

I know people who drop off and pick up kids from a neutral location. I believe this is what happens when you get a peace bond (restraining order).
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