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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2013, 07:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
LOL @ McDreamy...

Go home, get undressed and then put on a bathrobe and take a shower. Take a long shower, like an hour. Then come out in your bathrobe, walk through the dining room and into the kitchen, get a snack from the fridge and go sit on the couch in the living room. Turn on the TV and watch something inane. If you are able to fart as you walk past your ex, do so. If anyone says anything to you, pretend you are alone in the house.
I was totally going to suggest something like what Mess said. But not as annoying. BUt I would go home and enjoy the company. It`s your house.
Be the best host of the party. Better than her. But I would also have a recorder going, just incase.
Just keep it on yourself.

So either keep your cloths on or off. It`s your house.
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:40 PM
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What's the alternative? Showing up and looking like an idiot? At least if he stays out then it would appear he doesn't give a hoot what she does, and hey - for all she knows, maybe he spent the night with a hot chick?

It's not a good situation. It shouldn't be happening in the first place, but apparently it is.
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:40 PM
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Kids are with her this weekend. On her last weekend she spent the weekend at his place with the kids. She even left d4 with him, 50kms away, for the day while bringing s7 into hockey practice. Also last week she had him over for dinner while I was working. We share the cost of groceries since most of them are for the kids. I told her I would not be paying for him to eat my food. So she told me in the text that at least she bought the food with her own money. I guess she wanted a hero cookie.

I have to go home at some point as I have to sign on to my computer for work at 2:30 in the morning for an implementation.

Now I just got a text from her asking if I was coming home tomorrow night as her and the kids will be *out* and I need to let the dog out.

Crazy life.

Can I tell her that I will watch the kids if she wants to go somewhere tomorrow night.
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slughead10 View Post
go home cook yourself some curried fish.....
With beans on the side.

Quote:
What's the alternative? Showing up and looking like an idiot? At least if he stays out then it would appear he doesn't give a hoot what she does, and hey - for all she knows, maybe he spent the night with a hot chick?
He's not an idiot. It is his house. It is where he sleeps at night. Her bringing in a bf into their matrimonial home, with bf kids, is the idiot move.

Quote:
I have to go home at some point as I have to sign on to my computer for work at 2:30 in the morning for an implementation.
Now I just got a text from her asking if I was coming home tomorrow night as her and the kids will be *out* and I need to let the dog out.
Crazy life.
Can I tell her that I will watch the kids if she wants to go somewhere tomorrow night.
FB, I'm truly not trying to be funny. I think you should go home. I know it won't be easy for you, and I would definitely have a recording device on (I think you have one, right?). But I would not let her make this move forward in your home, without offering some discomfort to her end.

Just because it is her weekend with the kids, does not mean you have to vacate the house.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
Sitting at work still, not wanting to go home.

STBX sent me a text a while ago that she is throwing a dinner party tonight at our house. Her new guy is going to be there and probably his kids and probably a bunch of other people.

Certainly doesn't feel like home under these circumstances. I know she is doing it to get me to try and settle and make me feel uncomfortable. Oh well..Just suck it up and be an adult.

It's a little stressing to say the least. It also sounded like he would be spending the night. #awkward.

Just a vent. Don't mind me.
Hire an escort.
The HOTTEST YOUNGEST thing you can find.
Not for sex, but for a dinner party.

In two weeks, invite a close friend or two, and have some people over.

Don't tell your stbx. Let her walk in and see your new 'date'.

Justice.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
my ex and I lived for together for a while after separation. The deal was no new partners calling or bringing them here. Any new relationships had to be away from the house out of respect for the other person.
We had the rule but she is now obviously not giving a crap. She now says she's not doing anything wrong and I can't stop her.

Letters have already been sent asking for basically that and the best interest of he children and her lawyer told her I can't legally stop her.

Sorry I'm on my phone with a crazy 4G signal.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2013, 08:05 PM
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I agree with McD.

This is about boundaries and not being walked on. It goes further than today. In the future when you have separate residences, she will push your boundaries with other issues like if and when to drop off the kids, or buys clothing, or whatever.

You have as much right to your space as she does. You have as much right to time with kids as her. You have as much right to financial security. Etc, etc, etc. She is playing the game to be on top. You have to play to be side by side.

I was joking (a bit) about being a jackass, but you need to be assertive. If she wants you to go somewhere else, then she needs to offer you something, like for example the price of a motel, and something on top of that for your trouble. Otherwise she is taking advantage.

I spent years sharing a house with 5 roomates. Look at the situation from that perspective.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
We had the rule but she is now obviously not giving a crap. She now says she's not doing anything wrong and I can't stop her.

Letters have already been sent asking for basically that and the best interest of he children and her lawyer told her I can't legally stop her.

Sorry I'm on my phone with a crazy 4G signal.
she is being a total ass. No respect for you or the kids.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:12 PM
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There is another way to look at this. This all could be a lie to see how far she can push you. EWven if it is not you still need to go home.

You need to go home, you need to show to her and your children, that no matter what she does you will be there for your children.

You need to go home and show your ex that nothing she does will make you feel uncomfortable that you are Emotional Teflon.

Stand Tall, go home, don't drink anything. just simply go home. and pretend you never got the text message. Whn you get their you can decide to participate in the party and prove all the things she has been telling people about you are untrue or you can go into your room and read a book, I suggest tug of war, or divorce poision, or the turth about children of divorce.

But you need to go home.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2013, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
There is another way to look at this. This all could be a lie to see how far she can push you. EWven if it is not you still need to go home.

You need to go home, you need to show to her and your children, that no matter what she does you will be there for your children.

You need to go home and show your ex that nothing she does will make you feel uncomfortable that you are Emotional Teflon.

Stand Tall, go home, don't drink anything. just simply go home. and pretend you never got the text message. Whn you get their you can decide to participate in the party and prove all the things she has been telling people about you are untrue or you can go into your room and read a book, I suggest tug of war, or divorce poision, or the turth about children of divorce.

But you need to go home.
Actually, from this perpective....

That's the right answer.

Go home. Be fun. No anger. Make a good show. Join the party.

NO ANGER!!
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