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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 10-17-2014, 10:39 AM
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Default does it matter who files for the divorce ?

Hi wondering if there is any advantage or disadvantage to who files for the divorce ?
my ex keeps telling me to file, i am broke and can't afford it right now . She claims to have a lawyer so i say why doesn't she ?
everything is done the house is gone kids live with her and support is thru fro , she lives six hours away .
I get the feeling she is up to something , truth is it will be years before i see any money let a lone waste it on lawyers ,
whats your thoughts
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Old 10-17-2014, 10:46 AM
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It doesn't matter, if it is unopposed. The filer pays the costs.

I used ezdivorce.ca, cost including court fees was under $1000.
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Old 10-17-2014, 11:54 AM
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Nahhhh, it's not important at all. If you are broke, why not apply for legal aid?
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Old 10-17-2014, 12:20 PM
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In the ideal world, it doesn't matter who files for divorce, assuming both people want the divorce.

My experience: I was the one who filed (the "plaintiff", it's called in my province, I think in some other provinces it's the "applicant"). Ex was the "defendant" (or "respondent"). I was responsible for the fees for filing (about $300, if I remember right), plus the headaches of going down the the courthouse and submitting papers (pretty minor). I didn't use a lawyer, did the whole thing, including writing the draft of the order, myself, with the use of a $49 do-it-yourself divorce kit. If I had to do it again, I think I would spend the money to hire a lawyer rather than deal with the back-and-forth and headaches that come from self-representing, even though in the end things worked out satisfactorily.

The one advantage of being the person filing is that you are also the one who can withdraw the divorce action. Ex was pressuring me to withdraw the action so that *he* could re-start it and be the one to file as plaintiff (with his lawyer) - still don't know why he wanted this so badly, but I was able to say "no, we're moving ahead on the path I started".

For some people, it's a big psychological thing to be able to say "I filed for divorce - I took action and kicked his/her ass to the curb" (or on the other side of the coin "s/he divorced me - I'm the victim here!"). Those aspects didn't mean anything to me, I just wanted to get everything done and knew it would go faster if I took in on myself.
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