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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 09-22-2010, 02:06 PM
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My post was about how I'd trained him to behave exactly the way I didn't want him to and vice versa. Clearly neither of us arrived to the desired outcomes that way.
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:11 PM
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lol...did you try the zap collar??
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:13 PM
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it's called codependence. By letting him get away with his behaviour, by avoiding making him angry etc, I only made things worse. Who knows, if I had stood up for myself earlier and insisted on change, we might still be together, or maybe I would be happily married to someone else.
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:34 PM
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Ya,
I feel like a big dumb a@@ for putting up with what I did for so long and actually thinking I was happy......I never want to be that person again. She was a nice girl......just a little deluded.....lol....I don't need to read anything I blame myself all day long......."what the hell was I thinking".......plays in my head alot......
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:41 PM
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It's not about blaming yourself, but accepting that you made mistakes and had some part in creating the situation. You shouldn't continue beating yourself up about it.

You aren't a dumb ass, many people have been in the same situation. Learn what part of it was due to your behaviour and change it. Be aware of how you got to the point you did, and don't let it happen again. Once you forgive yourself it gets much easier.
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:49 PM
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You are right, as usual....BC.........I do still blame myself.......However I have learned.....not a big fan of making the same mistake over again.....who can afford to, when the first one I made lasted 17 years???
Can't really call it a mistake though, when my sons are so amazing......soooooooo.......

I will quote Pink Floyd and call it a "momentary lapse of reason" instead. One that lasted half my life......

Thanks also for the link to the letter......there are some very interesting articles on that page......
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Old 09-22-2010, 02:53 PM
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Mine was 15 years. I have no regrets, as I would not have my daughter either. I knew it wasn't good, but I married him anyway. I will learn from my mistakes, and I also own them. I won't make them again though.
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