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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2014, 12:59 PM
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Why did you guys alert her to the 60% thing?

It would have been wonderful to have her go to court say I want to have my kids 61% of the time and have the judge understand what she wants.

I hope your friend gets what she deserves - 59% custody and a kick in the ass to get a job.

Your friend is lucky, the ex's husband seems to be stupid making promises to help her etc.... the judge or separation agreement will help your friend and that will be ON TOP of whatever promises he makes (get those promises in writing).
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:06 AM
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Wow! thank you for the messages.

Whats disturbing is how you all assume she has no job and is a leech.

Let me be clear on a few things, she has a job and works full time. When I said traditional indian family, I meant the couple lives with the husbands parents.
They're wealthy.

If you can continue to help, I appreciate it.

- She wants full custody of the children and for him to have visitation. The father has generally been un-involved with the kids up to this point. Her point is, if she doesn't arrange for kids drop off/pick up/lunches/homework etc, they kids get passed off to the Mother in law who then passes them on to her daughter and so on.
- Father works and is out mostly.
- Father and Father in law want to get her out without paying her anything.
- She wants her kids. First and foremost.

- Then she wants to be able to live within the same lifestyle
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Old 04-11-2014, 11:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ongoingstems View Post
Wow! thank you for the messages.

Whats disturbing is how you all assume she has no job and is a leech.

Let me be clear on a few things, she has a job and works full time. When I said traditional indian family, I meant the couple lives with the husbands parents.
They're wealthy.

If you can continue to help, I appreciate it.

- She wants full custody of the children and for him to have visitation. The father has generally been un-involved with the kids up to this point. Her point is, if she doesn't arrange for kids drop off/pick up/lunches/homework etc, they kids get passed off to the Mother in law who then passes them on to her daughter and so on.
- Father works and is out mostly.
- Father and Father in law want to get her out without paying her anything.
- She wants her kids. First and foremost.

- Then she wants to be able to live within the same lifestyle
There is no way for her to get full custody of the kids without finding a way to declare the husband unfit for some medical or other reason, unless he consents to it. 50/50 or 60/40 is deemed to be in the best interests of the children. If the father can parent, and wants to, he will very likely be granted, no matter how involved he was or was not with the kids before.

When the kids are on their father's time, it doesn't matter who takes care of them, again as long as the kids are safe.

Living in the same lifestyle is a dream, I'm sorry to be blunt. You can't split a household up and increase the costs of living (housing etc) and expect to have both parties maintain their standard of living.

The marital assets will need to be split. All the assets of both parties will need to be valued as of the date of separation, then if any of those assets existed on the wedding day, the value on the wedding day will be deducted. It sounds like they don't have equity in the home they live in, so that makes it easier.
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Old 04-11-2014, 12:07 PM
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This could be an interesting case if shares of a family-owned business are involved. That could be substantial asset under "marital assets."

Presumably the husband/wife/children do not have housing expenses because they live with in-laws.

Financial disclosure will be the real kicker, particularly if assets are shielded by family.

Lawyer's love these sort of cases. Makes for extensive billable hours.
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Old 04-11-2014, 12:25 PM
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So let me ask you this.

Is the husband required by law (or can the court make him) disclose his finances? He can move his assets around and hide them and claim to be broke.
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Old 04-11-2014, 01:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ongoingstems View Post
So let me ask you this.

Is the husband required by law (or can the court make him) disclose his finances? He can move his assets around and hide them and claim to be broke.
Both parties are required to disclose their income and their assets. Of course many parties refuse, which causes delays, until it gets to court and gets ordered upon penalty of fines.

The portion that gets split is the appreciation of assets during the course of the marriage.

For example, if the husband had an investment of $100,000 on the wedding day and it was worth $150,000 on the day of separation, then $50,000 is to be split 50/50.

The house is the exception, it is usually split 50/50, but in this case it doesn't sound like either party owns the house.

Business owners have ways of moving assets around that individuals don't have access to, often it takes a forensic accountant to find it all.
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Old 04-11-2014, 01:27 PM
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Although there are posters who insist that 50-50 at separation is in the BOTC notwithstanding existing parenting arrangements, that agenda is not the case, nor supported by the system. The system considers many of the day-to-day practical issues, including but not limited to, the existing schedule of both parents and the kids, the care arrangements before separation, who was the primary care giver, the existing parent-child relationship, etc.

The current advice she is receiving from her lawyer would appear to be correct- stay in the house, maintain the status quo until a final agreement is reached. The children should not be removed from their ordinary residence - I would caution her - no one owns the kids, she should not just pick up and leave with the kids. Yes, staying will be uncomfortable for her, but many of the posters here have suffered through an in-home separation as well, it can be done.

She won’t be living the same lifestyle after divorce, none of us are. It is good that she has a job so she will have her own income stream. Where has she been putting her salary the past 15 years? She needs to start putting her money away and saving for her future after separation. What has her lawyer told her about ss?

Obtaining full financial disclosure is more tricky, you’ll read many posts here of people failing to provide and/or obtain disclosure. Does she have copies of their bank account statements, paystubs, their respective income tax filings from previous years? That would be key information. If she can find them in the house, I would be copying them asap and providing to her lawyer.

I feel sorry for her, if they are a traditional family this is going to be more difficult for her than for many of us. Does she have any support from her friends or of her own family?

She may have a claim against the home, I wonder if her lawyer is pursuing a trust and/or a patriarchal owned home/inheritance the husband would be entitled to in that home as part of a matrimonial interest.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 04-11-2014, 02:12 PM
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Just a question I have... if the parents own the house and her and the stbx are presumably renting, could the parents start the eviction process since she has no claim on the house?
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Old 04-11-2014, 02:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Just a question I have... if the parents own the house and her and the stbx are presumably renting, could the parents start the eviction process since she has no claim on the house?
They could. But it would be bad form and a judge would treat it accordingly. They would have to do it under the Landlord Tenant Act, which would likely take months.

To the OP, just because the STBX wasn't father-of-the-year, doesn't mean they are incapable of being an equal parent and that he won't be more involved post divorce. He will likely have to be simply due to the change. The fact that he has a support structure in place HELPS him, not the other way around. He has individuals he can rely upon in the event something comes up.
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Old 04-11-2014, 03:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
She may have a claim against the home, I wonder if her lawyer is pursuing a trust and/or a patriarchal owned home/inheritance the husband would be entitled to in that home as part of a matrimonial interest.
I really doubt there would be any claim.

First, she and her ex are essentially tenants. Second, while the STBX may have some interest through inheritance, the parents aren't dead yet and could easily cut out the STBX from the will, eliminating any claim the OP's friend may have.

Unless the STBX's potential interest is in the house is very high (like hundreds of thousands) it would be cost prohibitive to even argue for it. The parents would be drawn into the fight and resist and distribution. And I'd have a hard time seeing a judge order a portion of a house, in which the person was essentially merely a tenant, on the basis that your landlord was you in-laws parents. I could see arguments against this, unjust enrichment being a big one against making such a distribution.
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