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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-21-2014, 04:02 PM
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Default Divorce Guilt?

Feeling Guilty You Got Divorced? Here?s What You Can Do About It - Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Phd. | Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Phd.

Divorce guilt? of course not - I'm good with getting rid of the worthless son of a %$@# and should have filed for divorce years ago...

Now for some truth - people will say in public that their divorce was justified and in most cases it was, but for many of us the simple act of turning away from a person that we once loved is not only complicated, it can be emotionally gut-wrenching.

Most of us being caring, loving people, it's only natural that at some unconscious level we harbor guilt feelings towards our former spouses. After almost 2 years of separation I still worry (secretly) whenever I hear that the Ex is not doing well. Perhaps a part of me will always be concerned for his welfare - I think that's normal regardless of what lead to the divorce.

There's also the guilt of breaking up the family structure for our children ... this is not what was supposed to happen, what about the extended family, grand-parents who's feelings are hurt - add all this to the melting pot and yes ... more guilt!

Depression risk higher for divorced men: Statistics Canada - Technology & Science - CBC News

Is it any wonder that so many suffer from depression directly caused by divorce and all the uncertainty associated with the process? To think that we have to have all our wits about us (legally) at a time when we are at our worst?
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Old 01-21-2014, 04:48 PM
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"Research has suggested that for men the loss of custody or a change in parental responsibilities is one of the most stressful aspects of a break-up," the study said.

Good to know that in most cases it's really not all about the money is it?
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Old 01-21-2014, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
The loss of social support during a break-up "may be particularly difficult for men. Many men rely solely on their partner for support, while women tend to have larger social networks," wrote study author Michelle Rotermann of the agency's health analysis and measurement group.
A break-up means not only the loss of a partner but also a division in the size of a social network of extended family and mutual friends.
I am not sure where this comes from?

Take a person's kids away we'll see how happy they are.
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Old 01-21-2014, 05:13 PM
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I am not sure where this comes from?

Take a person's kids away we'll see how happy they are.
Apparently from Judith Ruskay who happens to be a PhD.....there you have it.
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Old 01-21-2014, 05:20 PM
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I am not sure where this comes from?

Take a person's kids away we'll see how happy they are.
Both parents suffer with the loss of parenting time - there's equality at least in that aspect of it. I think what the study is implying is perhaps that women have a better social network to deal with the emotional pain that shared parenting can cause?

Men will usually keep this hurt inside in my opinion, which may contribute to depression in some cases.
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Quote:
The loss of social support during a break-up "may be particularly difficult for men. Many men rely solely on their partner for support, while women tend to have larger social networks," wrote study author Michelle Rotermann of the agency's health analysis and measurement group.
A break-up means not only the loss of a partner but also a division in the size of a social network of extended family and mutual friends.
I am not sure where this comes from?
I take it with a grain of salt. The word "support" is a euphemism for love.

Regardless, I think some divorced folks should feel guilty. Both men and women break wedding vows and I belive doing so is a bad thing.
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Old 01-27-2014, 11:20 PM
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Both men and women break wedding vows and I belive doing so is a bad thing.
Meh, I disagree. I think some people need to get divorced and should have never gotten married in the first place.

I don't feel a guilty for anything except that I subjected my kids to a bad marriage for far longer than I should have.
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Old 01-28-2014, 07:16 AM
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Maybe more accurate and in line with the general consensus that divorce is last ditch resolution so while not ideal isn't bad.

Cheating however or being dishonest is what is "bad".
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Old 01-28-2014, 07:50 AM
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The loss of social support during a break-up "may be particularly difficult for men. Many men rely solely on their partner for support, while women tend to have larger social networks,"

-- Woman have a larger 'social network' just means we have MANY BEST FRIENDS, while for most men their spouse is their only BEST Friend.
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Old 01-28-2014, 08:49 AM
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Regardless, I think some divorced folks should feel guilty. Both men and women break wedding vows and I belive doing so is a bad thing.
Meh, I disagree. I think some people need to get divorced and should have never gotten married in the first place.

I don't feel a guilty for anything except that I subjected my kids to a bad marriage for far longer than I should have.
I think he meant the guilt is about breaking the vows, not about the divorce itself.

How about getting divorced first instead of breaking the marriage vows? I know I would have been a lot better off overall had my ex told me years earlier that he wasn't truly happy anymore and wanted a divorce instead of concealing it and cheating on me.
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