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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2013, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
I expected people to provide non-anecdotal counter points....
There is a cornucopia of non-anecdotal evidence regarding children from divorce v.s. children from bad marriages that would support my premise that children from bad marriages fair just as bad or worse.

Divorce not always bad for the kids - Health - Children's health | NBC News

http://ezinearticles.com/?Should-You...ily?&id=708837

Bad Marriages Take a Toll on Kids


Quote:
Teens living with bickering parents compare about the same as young adults who live in single parent or stepparent homes, says the study, published as a report from the California Center for Population Research at the University of California-Los Angeles.
“Our findings suggest that exposure to parental conflict in adolescence is associated with poorer academic achievement, increased substance use, and early family formation and dissolution, often in ways indistinguishable from living in a stepfather or single-mother family,” says Kelly Musick, PhD, an associate professor of policy analysis and management at Cornell University.
But again, what is the point of arguing this here? Individuals who are in the midst of a pending divorce don't give a flying crap about statistics. Their experience is individualistic and they must make the best decision for them.

If your point is that children who have compatible parents who don't engage in conflict have children that are better off developmentally....you win! Congratulations on locking down the Captain Obvious award for the day.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-22-2013, 03:37 PM
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Again, I think your motive for constantly going in this direction on every thread (i.e. anti-woman, anti-choice) is because you're very ticked off that your own ex was free to make the determination to leave your marriage. And perhaps you have a legitimate beef regarding your own personal situation.

But the fact that you extrapolate that into many women are frivolously destroying their families because they have silly reasons to want to get divorced is extremely annoying. A lot of people...women & men...stay way too long in very bad marriages which are equally as detrimental to the kids and very detrimental personally to themselves especially health-wise.

You keep quoting statistics that support your own bias with regard to making choice to divorce. I.e. Suggesting that if people were honest, in retrospect they would have been happier staying married (simply garbage). And frankly, I know a lot of divorced or divorcing women and there is nothing more insulting to suggest they left their marriages on a frilly whim. Most women I know agonize over the decision and suffer through a lot of divorce trauma before they're able to move on with their lives. Luckily a lot of them end up very happy with their decision. You just don't want to hear that though.
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Old 11-22-2013, 07:50 PM
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Links - are you really trying to convince everyone that divorce is bad with statistics and anecdotal evidence?

You're trying to prove something as far away from science as something can possibly get with stats and studies?

You're getting personal experience because that's what marriage, relationships, parenthood, and life in general is about. Not stats.
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Old 11-24-2013, 09:37 PM
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I am proving the following:

1 - DIVORCE has a negative impact on children.

2 - DIVORCE vs HIGH CONFLICT relationships - its BETTER to divorce for the children's sake (and probably the couple's sake).

3 - DIVORCE tends NOT to actually make you happy.

These points are all proven on my first post, when I say YOU, I mean statistically over a sample group. WILL IT MAKE YOU HAPPIER, MAYBE.... (BUT i think thats a 20% chance)
________

Conclusions:

-Should you leave your abusive marriage, Yes (if the other side cannot be reformed very quickly).

-Should you fix your marriage, re-evaluate it or w/e before you pull the plug, YES.

________

Why am I posting this?

BECAUSE one day somebody is going to come on here and say I'm sick of my wife because she overspends or because my husband leaves his plates on the bathroom floor or something else (better or worse).... I WANT A DIVORCE!!! We are in an era of frivolous divorces because people think the kids won't be affected and that they'll be happier. To me the "growing apart" divorce is a frivolous divorce (that's an opinion)

I'm saying read that first post, read books (get your spouse to, too) by John Gottman - 5 love languages, 7 principles of a successful marriage and the other I think is "his needs, her needs", go to therapy and then make your decision

Marriage is worth saving, divorce is when all else fails.
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Old 11-24-2013, 09:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
Links - are you really trying to convince everyone that divorce is bad with statistics and anecdotal evidence?

You're trying to prove something as far away from science as something can possibly get with stats and studies?

You're getting personal experience because that's what marriage, relationships, parenthood, and life in general is about. Not stats.
What am I trying to do is give people a non-bias look into the future based on the experiences of millions of others before them AND give clues to other people who are already about what to watch out for when you're trying to make the best of the divorce.

It is a personal experience but no harm in seeing where other people suffered so you can mitigate or avoid it
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-24-2013, 09:58 PM
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Yeah, I did all that trying to save the marriage stuff. The other half wasn't interested in participating in the process. A marriage isn't one of those team projects that can still succeed if one person isn't pulling their own weight.

I don't think you can measure happiness in a before and after way. I was happy before the marriage fell apart, and I am differently happy now, years later.

People marry because they are optimists. People divorce because they become realists.

Maybe my children won't do as well in school as they would have otherwise. But they won't grow up thinking a bad marriage is normal and acceptable. It's impossible to compare which of those is the better outcome.
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