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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 11-08-2013, 10:53 AM
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hi everyone

i have full custody of my kids. in our custody agreement one of our agreement states that i wont drive farther then a certain amount of km to bring the kids to see her if ever she moved. she has now moved and her new place is farther then the set amount of km not by much but is still farther. am i still obliged to drive them to see her. she is on welfare (her choice to get out of paying child support) and doesn't have a car.

she is threatening to take me to court if i don't drive the kids.

should i go out of my way to drive the extra km's even though she hasn't helped me out at all in any way with the kids in 2 years or should i stick to the agreement ?

thank you
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:00 AM
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If she is a good mother the distance should not be a factor. Do the right thing in the interest of the children. Not receiving money from her because she is on welfare imo should not be the deciding factor for her not seeing her children.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:04 AM
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Think of your kids. It is in their best interest to maintain a relationship with their mother. Do the drive. Do the right thing for your kids.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:06 AM
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I agree with what others have said.

I am curious why a specific distance was written in a court order and how did it get there?
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afraid View Post
...her new place is farther then the set amount of km not by much but is still farther...
I agree with the others who chimed in here, but... I guess it would hinge on what is meant by "not by much but is still farther". I understand your side of it, since I also do all the driving for child access.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:42 AM
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thank you for you replies

our older son cant stand her. she beat him when he was younger she is a horrible mother. she has not respected anything in the agreement her being on welfare is not why i wouldn't drive them to see her. i would love nothing more then for them to have some kind of a relationship with their mother. the kids were seeing her 30 hours a month before she moved and every time they would go there her bf would call them nasty names and yell at them for the 30 hours they are there my ex and her bf would fight violently in front of the kids it would take me 2-3 days to clam them down after i picked them up.

when they go there she does nothing with them they just sit around the house she is so busy fighting with her bf she would hardly even spend time with the kids and they always come back complaining how they did nothing and it was boring

this is why i'm wondering if it is worth the drive
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:43 AM
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I feel for you as I also do all the driving, but given that you said it isn't much further, I think you would be deemed to be the unreasonable one. If it was substantially further, or even a fair amount further, I would argue that the other parent should be responsible for the extra distance.

I have a feeling you're more than just a little PO'd at the fact that the ex is otherwise a deadbeat that doesn't contribute to the children's financial upbringing, but put that aside. The kids need both parents in their lives. Over time they will realize you've done all that you could for them, and they will appreciate you more for it.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:45 AM
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on top of that she has a 10 month old with her new bf and is 8 months pregnant with her next kid
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afraid View Post
this is why i'm wondering if it is worth the drive
It's worth the drive to not appear as being the bad guy.

Your ex is a bad parent. Sometimes it is harder to be a good parent and do the right thing.

If you have legitimate concerns about your ex's parenting time and signs of abuse or violent episodes in their residence, call CAS.
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Old 11-08-2013, 11:47 AM
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Quote:
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on top of that she has a 10 month old with her new bf and is 8 months pregnant with her next kid
Irrelevant to the question at hand. And if nothing else would give her more reason not to be able to make the extra travel.
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