depression?

[ele110]

He has announced 2 weeks ago that he wanst a separation. he still lives in the house, waiting on a separation agreement, assets kids etc....
I am not sleeping (less than 4 hours a night), losing weight, crying for a good part of the day....nights are awful, long, lonely times...I am totally overwhelmed by what to do next, the financial worries, how to deal with that awful situation. I feel very lonely, not having family in this country, no support, a couple of friends busy with their own lives.
I feel at the end of the rope. how does one survive this? Should I go on meds? Am i going to totally fall appart? I would love to hear from anyone who can advise.

[blinkandimgone]

It's not necessarily depression yet, but you're likely mourning the relationship which is normal. It may be helpful to see a councellor to help you deal with how you're feeling. As long as you recognize that you're feeling down and are able to ask for help then you're likely ok, it's when you get too down to even ask for help that it's a problem.

It's still very new to you and it will seem overwhelming for a while. Perhaps it would help you to make a list of all the things you're faced with right now, prioritize them and decide on a plan to handle everything and try to work through it that way. You might also consider a divorce support group if you have any in your area.

Sorry you're hurting

[ele110]

Thanks for the advice and sympathy. Somehow, your reply is comforting. The list sounds like a really great idea, as well as the divorce support group, just a matter of finding one close by. Yes, I am seeking counselling. Right now, I think that dealing with health issues, sleep and eating are the priority. Staying healthy so I can think and act. Then I can start doing what needs to be done. I am trying not to panic, to take my time, explore all options etc....the emotional side is awful, but I will get over it. The financial worry, impact on the children's lives, where are we going to live etc.... is what is mostly keeping me up at night. Empying out thoughts from my mind and resting seems very difficult.
Anyways, thanks for your support.

[dinkyface]

You may have read all sorts of horror stories on this forum about people involved in terrible, abusive, unending, costly conflicts with their ex's, often with kids caught in the middle. These are the people on this forum reaching out for help.

But, I'd like to say that there are also many many cases where separations are done fairly amicably.... in spite of the obvious hurts. My sister went through a terrible time when her husband left for another woman (2 kids aged 6 and 8). She was skin and bones! Now, she and her ex, their new partners, original and new kids are the most marvelous example of two blended, harmonious, stable (and complicated!) families. Ditto for me and my first ex (no kids, so MUCH simpler, no lawyers involved at all).

You will need find the balance between educating yourself on what your rights are, and protecting yourself, your kids, while also doing what YOU can to keep it all fair and calm. Then cross your fingers that your ex can do the same.....

[iceberg]

Originally Posted by ele110

He has announced 2 weeks ago that he wanst a separation. he still lives in the house, waiting on a separation agreement, assets kids etc....
I am not sleeping (less than 4 hours a night), losing weight, crying for a good part of the day....nights are awful, long, lonely times...I am totally overwhelmed by what to do next, the financial worries, how to deal with that awful situation. I feel very lonely, not having family in this country, no support, a couple of friends busy with their own lives.
I feel at the end of the rope. how does one survive this? Should I go on meds? Am i going to totally fall appart? I would love to hear from anyone who can advise.

Feeling blue (or depressed) after separation is normal. Weather you need meds or not depends how bad you feel. I never let depression escelate so I chose meds. Depending on your situation, you may be eligible for CS, SS and until you are ready to work try social assistance and housing program. Just because your family is abroad doesn't mean no one here cares about you.

[choochoo]

From my own experience, I knew I was depressed; anxiety kept me awake at night. I knew I couldn't get through the marital counselling (to begin with...) without talking to someone & getting help. I was able to see a counsellor for a few sessions through my Ex's health insurance as "emergency counselling". From there, I spoke with my family doctor about getting on an anti-anxiety/depression medication. My depression & anxiety were "situational" not "clinical" as was very clear to all of us.
The medication (Effexor) took the edge off the anxiety, helped me actually enjoy the good moments in life, lower the anger I was expressing, and best of all, sleep through the night. I don't know if I could have gotten through all of the Collaborative process on my own with the level head that I know I have, just wasn't able to access it for a while! It helped me enjoy my son, stay strong for him.
It's now 3 1/2 months after our moves to separate houses and I'm on week 6 of weaning myself off the Effexor (known bad withdrawal, so going very, very slowly). I figured I would feel ready to go off of it once I was settled into my own home, and I was right. It's going really well so far, I figure I have about another 4 weeks, am down to about 1/5 doseage. I'm completely glad I went on it and would do it again if I needed it.
This is just my own experience; everyone is different & I've come across people in my life who looked down on me for going on medication. No one knows you better than yourself. Your family doctor can prescribe something for you, but I strongly urge you to see a counsellor to delve more deeply into your problems, feelings & any other solutions that may work for you.
Best of luck.

[standing on the sidelines]

you say you have a couple of friends who are busy with their own lives. True friends will help you if you ask. Talk to them even it is just to unload all the emotions you are feeling, get their support to help you through this difficult time.

[ele110]

Many thanks for kind words,standing on the side line and choochoo]!

Actually, I am doing better and better! No meds, sleeping and eating again, and focusing on the positive sides of life and of this situation. Family and friends have been and amazing support, as well as some counselling and a divorce support group.
Of course, i wished none of that had happened but,.....
Just as a friend (and therapist) told me, life is not always a straight road, sometimes there are bumps and turns in the road, and you have to focus on negotiating those bumps and turns as well as you can...the road will become straight again....
I know I will have ups and downs but..... I am laughing more and more and starting to enjoy most of my life again. Amazing how one can rebound. Looks like the children and I are going to be ok after all!

I hope many of the people going through divorce can recover and start laughing again.

[standing on the sidelines]

Originally Posted by ele110

Many thanks for kind words,standing on the side line and choochoo]!

Actually, I am doing better and better! No meds, sleeping and eating again, and focusing on the positive sides of life and of this situation. Family and friends have been and amazing support, as well as some counselling and a divorce support group.
Of course, i wished none of that had happened but,.....
Just as a friend (and therapist) told me, life is not always a straight road, sometimes there are bumps and turns in the road, and you have to focus on negotiating those bumps and turns as well as you can...the road will become straight again....
I know I will have ups and downs but..... I am laughing more and more and starting to enjoy most of my life again. Amazing how one can rebound. Looks like the children and I are going to be ok after all!

I hope many of the people going through divorce can recover and start laughing again.

the initial shock has worn off for you and that is good. I am glad that you are doing better. There will still be some bad times but you can do it. You seem to have a head on your shoulders and are looking at the silver lining to all this.

[ele110]

standing on the side line, I like the way you put it! yes there is the initial shock, and yes there is a silver lining....despite all the legal and financial headaches, I love the sense of freedom and independence, the feelings that I will be able to make my own choices...and the feeling that life with him was not all that great after all. This could end up being a good change for all of us!