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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-11-2006, 11:47 PM
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well, i'm heading to bed now--i'm up VERY early in a.m so I'll give my amateur opinion another time soon BUT as far as the Real man category, sounds like hubby's got the patent... the mug AND the t-shirt HA. Matter of fact it sounds like he's got a doctorate degree in that department HA.
Hubby hope you know I'm just poking fun, but it is meant to be a nice subliminal compliment towards you.( I wish I knew how to insert those smily faces )
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2006, 02:57 AM
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In-Law Trouble is on a distinguished road
Default hello?

Logicalvelocity,

Where r u? I am still waiting 2 hear your feedback...i posted a reply 2 your last post a while back, hope u had a chance 2 read it. Anyways, hope 2 hear from u soon! Thanks!

In-Law Trouble
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2006, 09:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by In-Law Trouble
Logicalvelocity,

First of all let me start of by saying, thanks for your feedback! Sure, u may ask how old he is..he is 25 yr as of now. He is a year older than me. As u pointed out, i agree with u about what u said about my in-law's having some
definite control issues when it comes 2 their son. Though i have no clue why they r the way they r!? Maybe they r just control freaks and don't know how 2 give it up and let their son grown up into an adult and live his own life how he pleases 2! But, what i find even worse is that, my husband doesn't see through their manipulative ways of trying 2 control his life 2 serve their own selfish agenda and he blindly let's himself get played right in their hands..which is beyond me 2 understand how he can not see what they try 2 do!? What r your thoughts on this? Looking forward 2 your feedback..hope u have some insight on the matter!

I was also wondering, do u think it is true what i hear, or is it a myth..or is every case different..that the common belief is that men take longer 2 mature emotionally than women do in general? So, in that case, would it be wiser 2 get seriously involved with someone in their mid to late 20's as opposed 2 in their early to mid 20's..cause at that age one would be usually more mentally and financially prepared 2 get married..having matured through live and in relationships and be in a better place 2 be capable of true commitment 2 a significant someone??

Waiting for your reply,

In-Law Trouble
Inlawtrouble,

Sounds like his parents have never let him grow up and encourage him to become independant. This day and age its not uncommon to live with your parents if you are single especially if your finishing up school. What I do find disturbing is that he is married and it seems that he puts his parent's wishes and happiness before yours.

With age comes wisdom. Life is a learning curve in general.

I think in teenage years that the myth that girls are more mature than boys may be true, but once you get into your twenties and thirties etc, the maturity trait belongs to an individual rather than to a specific gender.

As an example, I was out on my own at age 21. It would of been earlier, but I did finish up my education. So having me live there throughout my college years was a big help and assistance to her. Even after moving out, I stopped by my mother's home often to visit and also to do some chores like take out the garbage, shovel snow, cut the grass etc. I did this out of respect for my mother.
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 01-12-2006, 09:31 AM
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Default Poking fun

Quote:
Originally Posted by god knows the truth
well, i'm heading to bed now--i'm up VERY early in a.m so I'll give my amateur opinion another time soon BUT as far as the Real man category, sounds like hubby's got the patent... the mug AND the t-shirt HA. Matter of fact it sounds like he's got a doctorate degree in that department HA.
Hubby hope you know I'm just poking fun, but it is meant to be a nice subliminal compliment towards you.( I wish I knew how to insert those smily faces )
God Knows the Truth,

The Real-Man patent is in the works, just waiting for the paper work to come back!

I just find women/men and relationships ... fascinating!

As for the 'Poking fun' ... hey, have not had any physical intimacy in months, it as a matter of fact ... feels good! Actually, next time, could you direct your poking to my lower back, it's stiff from last nights gym workout!

God bless you.

Hubby
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 01-13-2006, 07:16 PM
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Default Yikes!

Hi In-law Trouble...

Wow, I'm so sorry for your hurt. I can only imagine the agony and frustration you must have been feeling through all of this. I hesitate to give advice since I don't know you or your situation but from where I now sit, I want to tell you to move on and move on FAST. Now, that's just my own hurt talking so don't take it too seriously.

Here's where I'm coming from: I'm just now ending a fairly painful 15 year marriage. Part of what made it so painful was that both my husband and I spent a lot of energy listening to what our parents on both sides had to say about what we should do with our money, our jobs, our marriage, our lives, etc. We both allowed our parents to meddle (our parents should not have meddled in the first place, but we did allow it to a degree), and it really caused massive damage to our marriage (hindsight is 20/20, of course). Naturally there were other issues too, but the whole parent/in-law thing was a constant problem. We were never able to resolve it, even when we did identify it and go to counselling and discuss it.

Your in-law meddling problem sounds ten million times worse than mine ever was. I'm afraid that no amount of counselling will cure it. Your inlaws sound frighteningly controlling and you can't change that. It could be too much of a toll on you, to try to see your husband through his issues with his parents, IF he is willing and IF he can get through those issues. I'm not trying to put your husband down, adult issues with parents are very real and can be very debilitating. I'm just wondering if it really might be too much for you to have to help him through, and it does sound like he's not quite ready to admit that there's anything wrong.

The good news is, you can see that there is a problem here, and that it is no way to live. Good for you for not taking it. I only add my two cents here in the hope that you won't have to spend 15 years like I did kicking a dead horse and suffering a lot of unecessary pain. Maybe your marriage isn't a dead horse yet, so just keep on taking care of yourself first, and I think the rest will eventually fall into place for you. Good luck.

best wishes to you,
Lydster
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 01-14-2006, 06:44 AM
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Unhappy Marriage gone wrong..but lesson learnt!

Lydster,

Thanks for your feedback! I am also sorry 2 hear about what u had 2 go through in your marriage and that also 15 yr of it as u say..wow! How did u ever survive that long? It takes a lot 2 be able 2 stick it out in the face of ongoing adversity coming from the spouse! But, i am glad 2 hear that u were finally able 2 come 2 a positive decision 2 get yourself out of the unhealthy relationship! No one deserves 2 live a life in silent misery!

I guess the learning lesson from our situation is 2 look closely from the start at the person u r getting involved with and what kind of relationship they share with their close counterparts in the form of family and friends..such as their parents and how much of a influence do they have on the individual and how much is he willing 2 give into that!? And lookout for signals that point out towards that indication before u end up getting 2 close 2 the person, thus making it hard 2 walk away at that point!

As far as my marriage is concerned i do not think there is any room left 2 further pursue any reconciliation at this point in time. I wish the case was different, but as much as i wish that were true..it doesn't change the facts! And i guess it is time that i need 2 accept that i cannot change matters and recognize that my marriage is beyond repair and decide 2 move forward with the divorce!

My best wishes 2 u in your healing process! Be strong, hang in there and everything will be fine in time, eventually u will find your life back..i know i am trying 2 do the same!! Take care..talk 2 u later.

In-Law Trouble
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-16-2006, 07:15 AM
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Question Hi everyone, where r u guys?

Hi all,

Did u get a chance 2 read my last post? Looking forward 2 hear your feedbacks on what u think about my decision! Hope 2 hear from u all soon. Thanks!!

In-Law Trouble
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 01-16-2006, 07:24 AM
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Question Hello Everyone!

Hi All,

It is me again..was wondering if u guys could offer me some advice/suggestions on coping skills and what worked for u trying 2 deal with your emotions through the divorce process and after trying 2 move on with your life? Your feedbacks would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks all!

In-Law Trouble
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-16-2006, 11:43 AM
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Default Emotions

Emotions can be like a rollercoaster ... you have your ups and downs. How does anyone deal with them ... best they can.

Our bodies are like a glass. Now this glass can only hold so much in it - good emotions/bad emotions. When seperating/divorcing ... it's our bodies way of removing the bad emotions to make room for future good emotions.
It's a purging process that gets rid of any deemed 'unnecessary'. And yeah, it can hurt at times!

You move forward in life by giving yourself something to move forwared too. This is why people experience so many emotions for such a long time, they have not set any goals and ambitions in life but have opted to 'remain' in that place that causes 'pain'.

How do you cope in the interim, come by and visit your friends here.

Hubby
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-16-2006, 09:11 PM
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I find getting out of the house - either with friends or by myself, even if I have to get a babysitter, is REALLY helpful because it lets you see that the world keeps turning regardless, and it distracts you from your pain and gives you slight glimmers of hope that you will overcome all of this and live a happy life once again.......When you stay in, you think about everything TOO much.
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