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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2011, 09:41 AM
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For me it was FIVE YEARS before I met someone who I wanted to get involved with. There were dates, hook-ups but no desire for a GF.

You can't explain her behaviour and/or your hurt. These are matters of the heart, not of the mind.

And you are young dude. I'm 47. You have TON's o' TIME.

Don't focus on women for now, find something you like to do. And live your life.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 05-23-2011 at 09:52 AM.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2011, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
But Bill, I am a 35 year old guy with 50% custody of a 4 year old... Where will I ever find that special someone?
Geez, I dunno... Maybe at the "35 Year-old Single Mom Store" ???

Whatcha need to do, dude, is get your lower lip off the ground before you step on it any more.

Yup, it sucks. Yup, your perfect little fantasy life is gone, along with the white picket fence. Yup, yup, yup. Join the crowd... We're the new majority.

So, be the best Dad you can be, cut your ties with your ex (assuming that's what you want to do) and get on with living. I mean, hell, we're all on "bonus time" anyway: The world was supposed to end last week.

Keep your eyes open: She is out there, and she's gonna show up when you least expect it - and you'll be deleriously happy again. BUT she ain't gonna look at you twice if you're crying in your beer. Just sayin'

Cheers!

Gary
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2011, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
Hi everyone,

After reading many of your stories, I think it's time for me to tell you mine. I was with my ex for 6 great years, I am a 35 year old male with a 4 year old daughter. As for every couple, we had our up and downs.

We use to do everything togheter: Camping, day trips, going to Tremblant, Montreal, quebec city, pubs, restaurants... the GOOD life!

Then suddenly, she started comming in later from work, texting way too often, ... stange stuff. She asked me to go to cancun (Hu-HO) with a friend of hers from work... I did see the plane ticket and it was with her friend. She called several times from there stating she missed and loved me.

I found an email that explained the day she came back... THE WORST HAD HAPPENED! She slept with a guy twice over there and she wanted to see him again. 3 weeks later, she needed to go to saskatoon to see him, I had to keep our daughter here... I was heartbroken. I was always faithfull.

I feel so betrayed. Now the house is for sale ans she just does not seem to care one bit.

Can someone explain this??????
Confused!
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Everyday is a battle, we will have 50/50 of daughter... I am really finding this hard to accept. I can't believe what I have is all gone...
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Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
I mean we had a great life!!! how on earth am I gonna trust anyone again?

Can't wait until this pain goes away. How long did it take for you guys?
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
But Bill, I am a 35 year old guy with 50% custody of a 4 year old... Where will I ever find that special someone?
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
I hope I can ... I guess time will heal the wound. Where is that fast forward button?
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedguy View Post
I just think it's gonna be hard to readapt to a new life. The one I had was great... Now, I'm living off in 6 different places, including my car. Since, when she is at our house with our child, I am not there, same goes for her.

Why is life so freaking difficult?
Well I just love kicking a guy while he's down!
Plus, these are things (hopefully I'm able to articulate well enough) that I ish somebody had taken the time to point out to me about relationships - and why they fail.
Maybe some of you will get what I'm saying. Others will think I'm an idiot. But I speak the truth.
Hopefully, confusedguy, you skin is thick enough for what I'm about to say.

Re-read your posts' I have quoted.
When I read them all I hear is a snivelling, whiney, desperate, clingy kind of guy. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts this is the exact thing that pushed your ex away. You became a WUSS.

Think of it - when you two first met you were captain incredible. You used to surprise her in little ways, and actually listened to her when she talked. You would take control of the situation and plan a dinner out, rather than just shrug and go "idc honey what do you want to eat?". You had spice, and motivation. You kept her on her toes and didn't let her make all your decisions in life for you.

But after awhile in marriage just like our bodies our relationships gets fat and bloated. Essentially the typical man kind of comes to the conclusion "well i got it all locked up, and i'm just fine if nothing ever changes in a million years. I LIKE being in a rut."

And therefore, the relationship decays until its beyond help. And of course we have become so lazy in our comfort zone that we don't even see the end coming... until it's too late.

Now take this information and use it in the context of the next woman you meet, whenever that may happen.

Do you think women are attracted to miserable slobs that have nothing but self-pity for themselves and their situation? Will you woo another prospective gf by saying "i dunno - what do you want to do tonight"?

Or will you inject mystery and excitement into that encounter by already having a fun evening planned?

Because if you ask me excitement and mystery will keep a girl interested far longer then boredom and apathy will.

Just my two cent.
Let the insults come as they may
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 05-24-2011, 10:53 AM
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Hmmm... Well actually, we where really upbeat and often did stuff that where unexpected. Of course, not all the time but... often. No one understand why she did what she did. Everyone tells me she is on a cloud wanting to test out the waters...

The problem is that even if she comes back... I could NEVER trust her again... the lies, deceptions, ... This is why it's not an easy pill to swallow.

I know I have to move on but... The empty feeling is horrible. It does help talking to all af you here.
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 05-26-2011, 05:29 AM
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Yes well I guess I'm really talking about my own personal experiences.

But a valid point to take out of it would be that you need to shake yourself out of your funk and have fun in living life again. Once you do that everything else will fall into place.
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 05-26-2011, 09:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
But a valid point to take out of it would be that you need to shake yourself out of your funk and have fun in living life again. Once you do that everything else will fall into place
Yeah, what he said

Cheers!

Gary (loving living again)
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