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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 05-18-2011, 02:48 PM
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I hope I can ... I guess time will heal the wound. Where is that fast forward button?
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Old 05-18-2011, 04:05 PM
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Dazed and Confused, I'm in the same boat as you. It`s been about 4 months since I was blindsided. After 12 years of marriage, she decided to hook up with my child`s coach who is many years younger than her. I still have a hard time understanding, but it is what it is.

The bottom line for me is, I can do better and I deserve better. That`s what I think you should go with. I'm still very angry for what she did to me and my children. The lying, deception after all those years of my loyalty. I will never believe her or trust her again. But, I know that their will be someone out there for me and for you to. I still think of her all the time. It`s hard because I'm thinking of the person she was and not the person she has become.

The best advice I received was "start dating when you have the desire to and not because you feel a void"
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:07 PM
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There are so many negative factors running around my life right now that dating seems impossible to me too. I still feel strangely loyal to my ex, even though that person turned out to be fictional. But just because I was lied to and betrayed doesn't mean I should discard my own vows, you know? I sometimes hope I'll feel differently once the divorce goes through, but mostly it seems doubtful.

Then there's my age, having primary custody of two small children, an ex I can't completely excise from my life because of them, not to mention an inability to trust; and I come with a lot of baggage! I was married so long I don't even know how to date. I haven't dated since before the internet and cell phones were invented (yikes!). How does one go out there looking for someone compatible, when that's basically someone like my ex, only honest and faithful?

I'm glad to hear that someday I'll know, but in the meantime, I'm just aging and not getting out much.
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Old 05-19-2011, 01:53 AM
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Well, fortunately this day and age there are many online dating sites such as but not limited to: e-harmony, lavalife, plenty of fish etc. However, watch out for the scammers, gold diggers and fake pics in your quest to move forward. Do your homework!
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Old 05-19-2011, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Then there's my age, having primary custody of two small children, an ex I can't completely excise from my life because of them, not to mention an inability to trust; and I come with a lot of baggage! I was married so long I don't even know how to date. I haven't dated since before the internet and cell phones were invented (yikes!).
You start by realizing that there are umpteen million guys out there feeling exactly the way you do. If women like you can't get out and date, what hope is there for guys like me?
Quote:
How does one go out there looking for someone compatible, when that's basically someone like my ex, only honest and faithful?
Don't look for someone "like my ex, only...".
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:47 PM
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You start by realizing that there are umpteen million guys out there feeling exactly the way you do. If women like you can't get out and date, what hope is there for guys like me? Don't look for someone "like my ex, only...".
I guess that's a sign I'm not as over him as I would wish? Well, if I was a widow instead of divorced, I'd be looking for someone like my ex, only alive.
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Old 05-19-2011, 01:11 PM
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You have to deal with the hurt, pain and probably lost of trust which takes time and not that easy before getting involved with someone else. Age has nothing to do with it, and will find someone. As they say: "there are plenty of fish in the ocean, just have to keep fishing until you find the right one". Right now, focus on your child, your priority.
I have to ask, does she plan on moving to Sask. and you live where? as it's difficult to have 50% custody when one parent living in another province with the child.
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Old 05-20-2011, 09:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TLCRN View Post
You have to deal with the hurt, pain and probably lost of trust which takes time and not that easy before getting involved with someone else. Age has nothing to do with it, and will find someone. As they say: "there are plenty of fish in the ocean, just have to keep fishing until you find the right one". Right now, focus on your child, your priority.
I have to ask, does she plan on moving to Sask. and you live where? as it's difficult to have 50% custody when one parent living in another province with the child.
I don't think she is planning to move there... she just wanted to have a week of... Well you know what! I live near Ottawa.
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Old 05-20-2011, 09:17 AM
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I just think it's gonna be hard to readapt to a new life. The one I had was great... Now, I'm living off in 6 different places, including my car. Since, when she is at our house with our child, I am not there, same goes for her.

Why is life so freaking difficult?
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Old 05-23-2011, 04:39 AM
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But Bill, I am a 35 year old guy with 50% custody of a 4 year old... Where will I ever find that special someone?
Go to parks.
Go to a museum or two.
Attend Ontario Early Years Centers for fun with the kid.

You'll be amazed at how many women are out there, and interested in a man that takes his DAD'ness seriously. All you have to do is walk up to one, say 'hi' and introduce yourself.

AS for the pain of a failed marriage and betrayal...
Well it sucks. It will fade with time.

Until then, keep busy.
Start a new hobby.
Hit the gym.
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