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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-16-2016, 09:53 AM
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Default Dating during the process

Hello everyone, just want to get your advice in dating while going through the process. I am contemplating it but i need to more for companionship. I am very careful not to introduce anyone to the kids till at least a year of dating.
Any advices?
Any recommendations for dating sites for companionship?
Thanks
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abuseddad View Post
Hello everyone, just want to get your advice in dating while going through the process. I am contemplating it but i need to more for companionship. I am very careful not to introduce anyone to the kids till at least a year of dating.
Any advices?
Any recommendations for dating sites for companionship?
Thanks
you have come a long way since your posts last year when you wanted to say your ex could buy you out of the home but wanted the condition that no man she dates etc could set foot in it. Now that you are ready to date do you see how foolish you were being? Everyone moves on.

I wonder if you are really ready for a relationship? You want companionship more then an actual relationship it seems. Maybe look for some sort of social group with people who share an interest may be better?
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Old 01-16-2016, 12:21 PM
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Abused you should check out a men's divorce forum, it will give you some good tips. I think you need some moral support more than a relationship, imo.
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Old 01-16-2016, 12:23 PM
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Thanks for the advices

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Old 05-24-2016, 03:14 PM
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I have a question relating to this thread, and hope some of you can help with your personal opinion as to how to proceed.

I have been divorced now for 4yrs, and been dating here and there, mostly short term due me having criteria and non-compromise factors. I have a child who spends time with both parents on a week on / week off schedule.

I met a lady recently with 2 kids who has been separated for 1yr, but she is the highest earner, and her ex got the daycare nanny pregnant and already moved in with her. However, their kids spend time between both homes, and there is no formal schedule in place and no support of any kind being paid.

Initially, my gut told me the situation seems complicated, and I should avoid getting involved. However, there was an initial attraction and we embarked on this 'lets see what happens' dating. She has no plans to sort out the divorce, and it seems to me that she is not over the situation yet, and I find the arrangement (ex is able to come to her place when he wants) she has odd, especially if am going to be hanging out there.

Anyway, I have ended the relationship as I don't think it's fair on me or her, and she probably needs time to be mentally ready to have someone new in her life.

Your thoughts on dating people in the separation phase, establishing friends with benefits, and sticking to deal breakers?????

Thx
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:39 AM
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Yeah....that woman should definitely sort her life out before inviting anyone else to join it.

I would not date someone who hasn't finished making the break from their ex. Be friends with them sure, but I would not take it any further until I knew they were healed and arrangements were finalized.
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Old 05-25-2016, 11:06 AM
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She keeps mentioning that "she has a great life", and I think she has managed to convince herself this is true. The irony is when she met this guy through work, he was with another woman who is has a kid with, then she hooked up with him and had 2 kids.

He went back to his old ways and got someone else pregnant last Fall. He now has 4 kids with 3 different women, with this lady being woman #2. Her thing is that she doesn't want to divorce the guy, because she doesn't want the new chick to benefit from the payout.
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:18 PM
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Hmm - so she started an affair with her now-ex when he was married to someone else, and now he's gotten the nanny pregnant and left her, and she's holding off divorcing him because she doesn't want the nanny to benefit (presumably because she'd be paying child support to the ex)? Lots of red flags here.

It's great if people can be friendly and cordial with their exes, but it sounds like this woman is way too enmeshed. Get the divorce done, pay the CS, and move on.

I'd be wary of dating anyone who hadn't at least begun the steps to divorce his/her ex, even if they weren't completely divorced. if you're really done with your ex, you bring the marriage to a close. If you aren't really done with your ex, you shouldn't be dating other people.

My impression is that there are a lot of people out there representing themselves as "separated" when they're still living with their husband or wife, or still hoping to get back together, and just looking around to see who else is out there in the meantime.
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Old 05-25-2016, 12:44 PM
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^^ don't think the guy was "married" to woman #1, but a kid was involved. He did however get married to this woman that I am talking about and had 2 kids with her.

Ironically, it was this woman am dealing with that brought the nanny into the house because she was looking for somewhere to live temporarily. You are right in saying dating site is full of "separated" folks still going through the whole mess, but will say they are "not looking for casual or hookup", when in fact that is what they hope to get.

I mean it's not like a person will admit that they are just looking to get laid / 1 night stand / friends with benefit. If someone is upfront with me, at least we can both understand that we are just having fun: movies, day trips, dinner, hangout and sex i.e. no other expectation or complications.
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