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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-23-2013, 08:57 PM
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Default D-i-v-o-r-c-e. Divorce.

Even though I’ve never regretted in the least my decision to leave my abusive husband, and eventually divorce him, I always thought “divorce” was an ugly word. The past couple of days I've discovered that it’s a BEAUTIFUL word. Really! I love the sound of it. D-i-v-o-r-c-e. It can’t come too soon!
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:07 PM
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I agree - just got another psycho email from my ex's g/f (pretending to be my ex). yep glad i'm divorced
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:53 PM
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You ex does that too Arabian? My stbx's emails look incredibly different when he writes them versus his g/f typing them for him. Although she doesn't pretend to be him, I can certainly tell when she is playing secretary for him.

The syntax is completely different. Silly to try to hide it.
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:58 PM
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All the g/f does is keep animosity high between my ex and myself. This is the time of year when he has to submit his financials to me and I suspect it is just fanciful stalling. Yes she makes a mountain out of a relatively simple task and likely enjoys the shit she stirs up. So pointless.

I try to be the nice guy and have allowed him to submit documents directly to me rather than through his lawyer (which would save him a tidy sum of money). IT leaves me with little choice but to insist things go through the lawyers. Such a waste of time and money.

Pity the g/f isn't younger and pregnant or something... anything to occupy her!
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:25 PM
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Default Comedic Interlude....

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Our little dog is six years old, and he`s smart as any damn kid.
But when you mention the V.E.T. he damn near flips his lid.
Words like S.H.O.T. shot or W.O.R.M. worm,
These are words which make him S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm.

His Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today,
Because he bit the V.E.T. and then he ran away.
He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me.
And that`s why I am gonna get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

She shouted `get him Rover,` and he jumped over, and bit my L.E.G.
She sank her teeth in my B.U.M. and called me an effin` C.
Well I`m telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski
And I`m going down to the town tonight to get a new B.I.R.D.

Oh yes his Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today.
Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away.
That`s why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can`t hear.
Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:06 PM
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I got a lawyers letter from an exGF once, asking me to never contact her again on pain of being charged with harassment. But I knew from the wording that the BF had written it, she was very articulate and had been a writer, he was an engineer, and pretty straighforward. I complied because it was the smart thing to do. She later contacted me and said she didn't know anything about it.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:43 PM
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My ex husband has just found a girlfriend and that's fine. I received a letter from my health care provider that he needs to see, fill out and then get his doctor to fill it out as well. I have called twice now and she is now answering the phone. I don't want to say anything or talk about his medical condition to her. I know he's doing this to get even with me. What he doesn't realize is why I'm calling, as I haven't had to chance to talk with him.

I will call one more time and if she answers again I will tell her that if my ex wants his medication for his MS he had better call me so I can give him the papers, if not he will not be entitled to his medication next year.

I don't call him, I don't harass him, I just make contact when it's needed. All our children are grown with their own families so there is no need...but you would think when I do call it's for something important. Oh well it's his loss not mine.
I have no idea whether or not she even knows he has MS but she will soon. I don't have time for this kind of childish behaviour sooooooooooo it is what it is

Last edited by Lorac; 01-26-2013 at 04:46 PM.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:52 PM
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Your situation sounds oh too familiar to me. My ex's g/f answers his cell phone, home phone, writes his emails, answers his emails. Very annoying and extremely counter-productive. I've had to deal with this for several years. I assume they (g/f's) do it simply as it makes them feel important.

In your situation you could possibly mail him at work? Failing that you could simply put it in an envelope and send to his lawyer.

I would strongly recommend that you do not engage with the g/f in any way. When I have done that in the past it just gave the g/f the impression that I was ok with her being the messenger. If the g/f is insecure and spiteful she will probably just toss the document in the garbage and you could likely be accused of not informing him of the requirement for information.

It's no wonder we're divorced from these people.
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:38 PM
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For me it is opposite.. my partner's ex emails, texts or calls me, rather than him... if it is something minor (time we are meeting to pick up/drop off the kids) I will answer her, but if it is something he needs to be discussed (switching weekends, etc) I tell him to deal with it. Her and I get along better than the two of them do and honestly over the years I have grown to care for her, after all she is the mother of my step children. I don't know why new partners think they have to cause waves, or what they gain from doing so.

When they were dealing with lawyers, I composed all of his letters back to his lawyer because he is not great with computers/typing, but he was always right there telling me what to write, or he would hand write it and I would then type it up, but I try my best to let them deal with their issues, I do the research for him and help parent the kids on our time, but why attempt to harass the other parent?
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Old 01-26-2013, 08:17 PM
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BF I'm glad it's worked out well for you. I wish my ex's g/f had a brain and was sincere when she repeatedly comments how sad it is that my son and my ex have nothing to do with each other. I used to buy that remark but a light bulb finally came on and I get it - estrangement between my ex and his son are exactly what she wanted. I reflect back to one of the first emails that I received from her after we were separated (I was looking for the company money): "He is no longer part of your life - he has a new family now." It was almost bragging on her part. At the time I just wanted to keep the finances in check so we could get through our divorce. After all, I was the one who kicked him out, certainly not the other way around. She was just pissed that she didn't get the matrimonial home (which I later learned she had spent plenty of time in while I was not home). Well she has him now. I take a bit of satisfaction in knowing what an ahole he can be and how demanding he is. I hope she is enjoying being his beck-and-call girl. I wouldn't wish that role on anyone but her!

Right from the start it never worked out well. G/f was married (until just this last fall) to our long-term employee. She was playing a duplicitous game from long before my ex and I were even separated. At one time, several months before we separated, I pleaded with her to back off for a while so my ex and I could sort out our family and business matters. Ending a 30 yr marriage is difficult, particularly when a business is involved.

Even after all of this, when the two moved in together (a mere 2 weeks after I had kicked him out) she very willingly went along with his fraud. Pretty hard to be pleasant to someone who rips you off. The only saving grace here is that the courts recognized the situation I was placed in and I at least have SS. It's a far cry from what I should have but I have accepted this and have tried to move on with my life. The g/f pretends to try to be my friend. It's utterly sickening.

Last 2 yrs have proven that she is the snake I always figured she was. She has used every opportunity she can to try to get me to meet with my ex (in her presence of course). I have always been quite curious about this. Just last September, when she used the "I'm so concerned about >>>>" phone call to get me to meet up with him, she revealed herself by using anything I had said casually to my ex (of course in her presence) to try to use it against me. There were emails flying between her and my ex's lawyer and on to my lawyer, etc. Fortunately I wasn't born yesterday and exercise caution about what I say around her. Yes she has typed all of his documents but that is a distinct problem for my ex as she is practically illiterate. All I have ever wanted was to try to sort out the business issues and move on with my life. Big headache. If I was just dealing with my ex it would be much easier. The very few times we have met alone, we have had little problem agreeing on things. It's when she's in his presence he acts like an asshole - like he has to prove what a big man he is. Very strange. So strange in fact that my adult son will have absolutely nothing to do with his father.

I just carry on and do things the best I can. In the fall she agreed to provide me with some documents I require then she made excuses on why she can't provide them. These are basic documents for a specific period of time (bank statements, GST filings). I'm tired of this game. It's wearing me down.

Just last week I got the usual 'crazy' email from her pretending to be my ex. I was angry and ended up calling ex at work (where he's usually out of her realm of influence) and asked him about the supposed email from him. He tried to cover up for her but it didn't work. Yes he's just as big of an idiot as she is.

I'm done with this game. I was considering meeting with him for a coffee and light conversation when he handed over last year's financials. Now I'm not willing to do that. It is so very frustrating to know that this simple task, which should be simple and take less than 15 minutes, now has to go through lawyers.

Crazy. Anyhow - that's MY rant. Good for you normal, sane g/f's who truly do support their men. I wish I had you to deal with.
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