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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2009, 07:30 AM
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Default Counselling - What is the point?

My wife and I finally had the talk and she admitted what I have known for a long time - she simply doesn't love me anymore.

We agreed to try counselling, but I seriously wondering if we are just delaying the obvious; I see counselling as an opportunity to save the marriage, she stated "we are not going to save the marriage class". With such an attitude what is the point of going to counselling? aside from perhaps finding out why she doesn't love me. Big deal, I seriously doubt the counselor will be able to make her re-love me.

Is it really worth the time and effort to delay the obvious?

Nat345
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Old 10-28-2009, 09:37 AM
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It certainly doesn't sound promising, but I suppose at this point there is no harm in giving it a try if she's willing. Be reasonable about your expectations though. Odds are she's not going to change her mind and even if she does, it's only the beginning of a long road full of hard work and pitfalls.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. At the very least, it might give you some insight into what her issues are, if you are the type of person who needs "closure".

I'd definately see a lawyer though so that if the marriage does end, you are prepared. Trust me, I wish I had done this.
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:49 AM
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Default Just a thought......

Maybe you could first try and find out if there is anything to be counselled over....

The two of you should go away for a weekend....to a nice secluded Bed and Breakfast in the country.

Just the two of you.... no kids, no talking about work, your problems, your finances....etc. Nothing stressful!

Just the two of you together... relaxing, talking, having fun!

Spend 2 days and 2 nights trying to remember what you love about eachother.....

Do something that the both of you really enjoy!
Eat at a nice restaurant.

Show her you're still the man who loves, wants and needs her....

If the relationship is over.... she wont put any effort into the rendezvous, and then you'll know...

There is nothing left TO discuss...

I know MANY MANY MANY women who all have told me that if their husband had "talked" more or been more "intimate", they would still be married!!???

Marriage Councellors costs hundreds per hour.

A nice little B&B costs a couple hundred a night.

If YOU are still in love with her.... one last "kick at the cat", might be worthwhile.... no???
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:14 AM
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I have to disagree with representingself on this one. Go to the counsellor. Everything seems great when you are nestled into a romantic B&B without kids or work or the drudgery of normal life. At some point though, the weekend ends and reality sinks in.

To use an analogy, if your marriage is on life support, you need a doctor - not a nice bouquet of flowers next to your hospital bed.
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Old 10-28-2009, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by About_Time View Post
I have to disagree with representingself on this one. Go to the counsellor. Everything seems great when you are nestled into a romantic B&B without kids or work or the drudgery of normal life. At some point though, the weekend ends and reality sinks in.

To use an analogy, if your marriage is on life support, you need a doctor - not a nice bouquet of flowers next to your hospital bed.
hehehehe I like that Analogy!! Also excellent advice....

A few years ago I sought out a marriage councellor and found that it was extremly expensive and became a game of who can blame who the loudest.... After every visit, I was more angry and confused then I was when I walked in...

What saved my relationship was a weekend long fishing trip.....

Sure, reality can come back and slap you around, but I realized that I would rather face that reality with my husband, rather than alone.

But ofcourse, thats just me... what worked for me may not be right for you... everyone's circumstances are different.

Maybe my councellor was just not very good at her job.. and you might have better luck.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:47 PM
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Only you know the answer to this question. I think you answered it yourself in your original post. Go through the motions if you want, but I suspect its time for you to move on.
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:14 PM
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I wish we'd gone to marriage councelling right at the end. It would have been cheaper to have her yell at me in front of 1 social worker for $200 an hour than 2 lawyers for $400 each. Then once she got it out of her system we could have gone to the lawyers after.
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