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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 06-07-2016, 05:13 PM
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Default Coping techniques/mind tricks

Hi everyone,

What coping techniques do you use when your ex is being a jerk about something trivial for the millionth time? You know this issue is ultimately not a big deal, you know the outcome is a foregone conclusion, but you also know this will escalate into more emails with insults and stomping and swearing before you reach the outcome. I'm not asking about long-term strategy, I'm asking about in-the-moment, how do you remain calm and not get bothered by the insults and stomping and swearing? Deep breaths? Petting a kitten? Visualization? A stiff drink?
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Old 06-07-2016, 05:41 PM
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I clean something.... thoroughly. Doing that gives me a sense of control which is what we all really are trying to do....

clean the shower... then use it. You will feel immensely refreshed!
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Old 06-07-2016, 06:42 PM
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They get one reply to the original email and then radio silence. Then i clean stuff or smash stuff outside and think of how unhappy and miserable they must be.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:29 PM
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Diaphragm breathing. Breath in through nose for 3 seconds while belly goes out. Then exhale slowly through your mouth letting belly go in.

Do this and concentrate on breathing and nothing else ... while being grateful you're not with them anymore.
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Old 06-07-2016, 08:58 PM
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I turn away without answering rashly, take a few deep breaths, walk outside or find a change of venue, and remind myself that this behaviour from my ex is precisely why we are no longer together, and there's no reason to expect it to change.
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Old 06-21-2016, 01:36 AM
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Great thread. I take a collective breath, think about the bigger picture and long term repercussions.

I then go for a nice long drive, come back. I say to myself that my ex will never change and it's no use trying to make things work but just think of what will work for your interest and your child and make my next steps there instead of doing out of frustration and anger.


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Old 06-21-2016, 09:34 AM
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Cheesecake. If necessary, repeat. It's hard to be mad when slowly eating something so fabulous!
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Old 06-21-2016, 09:42 AM
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My partner asked me to keep him busy this weekend to forget it was fathers day. We did a lot of really fun activities that combined both our interests. Normally all it takes is doing something fun that he could never do with his ex even if that is sitting outside reading quietly together.
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Old 06-21-2016, 10:09 AM
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Great thread allot of these will help
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Old 06-21-2016, 01:49 PM
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Exercise Best revenge is to look better and be happier than your ex.

All that arguing... it does not have to get past your front door.

I try to keep all my communications done via email, and limit my emails to 3 or 4 sentences max. Sometimes I guess it is not possible... but keep it as brief as possible. Keep emotions out of the email. Not letting arguments start with the ex is better than dealing with the blowout. It should only be business with the ex now.
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