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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2012, 08:59 PM
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Hey Arabian, my ex took all the Xmas decorations, if you're not going to use yours - would you mind hooking a sister up? Lol
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Old 12-09-2012, 09:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
Are you f'ing kidding me? What an ignorant comment, seriously! Hey maybe the forum should be divided up; the "pitchers" and the "catchers."
I'm sure we can agree that the experience is different for the two aforementioned groups, and it would be hard to fully understand the penetrative, invasive aspect of getting screwed without having experienced it yourself.

It is hard to switch positions in family law though

Last edited by Janus; 12-09-2012 at 09:30 PM. Reason: boo :( .. small size tag doesn't work
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:10 PM
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Well quite an interesting and diverse response to my post.

Remarks made certainly belie the innermost cavity of the respondent don't they?

Hadenough: Yes I would be more than pleased to send you a bunch of decorations. PM me your address and I will see they get sent immediately - what a great idea!

Janus - well I guess when you father/mother children you have to take responsibility. I am unsure of your sex so please don't be offended by my comments for not being gender-specific.

Probably a big bill for you to swallow... but that is what our Canadian justice system is - to ensure the children are provided for. It also provides for spouses who have been disadvantaged by giving up careers and staying home to raise children.

I hope you can have a pleasant Christmas and not view your children as monthly debits to your bank account. I don't for one minute pretend to understand your situation with regards to SS or CS besides the fact that you pay. We all know that. You will be a much better parent and human being if you accept your responsibilities with grace. The person with whom you have to pay support to is the mother/father of your children. You chose that person to have children with. If you don't pay then the tax payers will have to pay. Why should we pay for your marriage failure?

You can now chose whether or not your children will be torn between the two of you.

Peace to you.
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Old 12-09-2012, 10:52 PM
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Rio - I admire you for putting your kids first. You are doing the right thing and probably something that many of us wish we could do but our current situations just won't allow it. You can reward yourself with a trip to the spa or something else. Just GET THROUGH THE DAY and be proud of yourself.

Bernier_Faith: I feel so very sorry for you. It sounds like you have lots of negative elements coming at all directions. I have always admired you for 'standing by your man' but remember you have to look after yourself in all of that craziness. While it sounds like you are very young and have a very young family I would try to get your husband to get with the idea of starting your own Christmas tradition. I would emphasize the importance of your immediate family needs and TELL him the two of you will work the other family members into your plans (not the other way around). Bernier you are a stand-up kind of person. Now is the time to stand up for your immediate family.... you have the responsibility of making sure that those kids have great memories to reflect on when they are your age. Keep your moxy gir!
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:11 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Probably a big bill for you to swallow... but that is what our Canadian justice system is - to ensure the children are provided for.
I have shared custody of the children. The child support payments flow from my house to a substantially wealthier household. The payments actually detract from my children's standard of living.

Quote:
You will be a much better parent and human being if you accept your responsibilities with grace.
There is no nobility in accepting a broken system that is clearly not in the interests of my children. Acceptance of injustice does not make for a better human or parent.

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If you don't pay then the tax payers will have to pay. Why should we pay for your marriage failure?
Very Albertan of you

If support stopped flowing in my case, it would not cost the taxpayers a penny, nor would it hurt the standard of living of my children. The money flows to where it legally belongs, but not where it is needed.

That said, speaking of Alberta, in general Westerners believe in personal responsibility, do they not? If an individual chooses not to work, then the taxpayers have to pick up the slack. Why does marriage transfer that responsibility to somebody else? Children are financially parasitic, and we all accept that, but I expect more from able-bodied adults.

That does not necessarily apply in my situation, I don't pay SS since ex had no chance of establishing need given that her standard of living is higher than mine, but I can still see the principle of SS as being often unfair.

If you don't work, but take money from others, then you are no different than a welfare bum. Just because you take the money from an individual instead of the government does not put a special shade of lipstick on the pig.

Quote:
You can now chose whether or not your children will be torn between the two of you.
Family law has chosen to create a situation of animosity, where instead we could have moved on. I will eventually have to go to court to fix it, but I'm waiting for a few more shared custody cases to make it through the pipeline. No point in being a trailblazer on my own dime. In particular, I need more cases where 9(c) is emphasized, instead of (a) and (b). It will happen, but until then I will continue to live with the injustice, and rant in cyberspace every now and then which is a substantially cheaper option than the alternative.
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:25 AM
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I don't consider children to be financially parasitic. You know there are many many people out there who are desperate to adopt children. They would not consider, for a moment, for children to be anything but a gift from God.

Yes I am an Albertan but more importantly I am a Canadian. I supported my ex financially throughout our 30 yrs of marriage. I do not apologize in any way, or any time, for receiving spousal support. I lost my home and 30 yrs of my life. I have nothing to apologize for. The money I receive each and every month for the rest of my life is a small pittance in return for what I financially paid out. I was quite willing to settle for this and get on with my life but if my ex's g/f wants to dance then I'm an able and willing partner.

Please don't view children as parasites but rather embrace them and treasure each and every day you have to spend with them. If you can't stand your ex then that's fine but try to be decent and remember that at one time you thought she was pretty hot!
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:31 AM
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Janus I find, in re-reading your remarks, to be totally offensive. To be a judge and jury on people who receive payments (CS, SS welfare or whatever) is really quite arrogant and short sighted of you. To equate everyone who receives support payments to being a "welfare bum" is abhorrent.

You have made your position clear on this forum. I hope you move on and find others to insult.
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
To be a judge and jury on people who receive payments (CS, SS welfare or whatever) is really quite arrogant and short sighted of you.
Perhaps.

In your particular case, I think you should have received a substantial amount of equalization, commensurate with the work that you put in to create the wealth of the marriage, and that should have been the end of it. It should then have been up to you to use that equalization to create a living for yourself.

However, for those who did not contribute in any substantial way towards the creation of family wealth, I fail to see the distinction between SS and welfare, beyond the identity of the paying party of course.

Think about how you feel about the welfare recipient who drives a fancy car. That is how many payors feel about the recipients of support. I don't even pay that much compared to other people, and I still feel it a bit... I don't know how those who pay SS handle the inequity, I would go crazy.

Quote:
To equate everyone who receives support payments to being a "welfare bum" is abhorrent.
I'm not referring to you, calm down. Though, your incessant glee about the money you are taking from your ex is hardly a testament to the ability of family law to allow people to move beyond their previous relationship.

Also, welfare bums don't use financial extortion to prevent other people from retiring... just sayin'
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12-10-2012, 12:55 AM
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I don't believe I have ever stated "glee" all I have said is that I receive "substantial spousal support." I can assure you that what I receive in SS pales compared to what I financially contributed.

The courtroom is the litmus test for those who try to retire early to avoid paying support. I have no problem with people retiring but if they can't prove they have enough money to live on in retirement the judge aint' gonna buy it. My SS agreement is quite fair - I get 50%. What's wrong or unjust about that? He can retire, f*ck a monkey, whatever.... I get 50%.
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Old 12-10-2012, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
My SS agreement is quite fair - I get 50%. What's wrong or unjust about that? He can retire, f*ck a monkey, whatever.... I get 50%.
Do you get 50% of his current income, or 50% of his actual income (which would be lower if he retired)?

Also, is there any requirement for you to take steps to sustain yourself independently in any way?
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