Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 10:37 AM
Epona's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Brampton
Posts: 422
Epona is on a distinguished road
Default Can anyone enlighten me?

My ex-husband is the person who initiated separation and divorce. He wasn't happy in the marriage and gave the marriage counsellor a ten page list of his grievances about me. (yeah, ten pages). He told her if she couldn't "fix me", our marriage was over. If I was unable or unwilling to correct all (the ten pages) of my faults, then the marriage was over.
The counsellors eyebrows went up and she looked at me and asked, "Have you read this?", to which I answered "Yes". "How did I feel after reading it?" "Pretty angry -- never angrier in my life. The complaints are unfair and I wondered who he was writing about."
She looked at him, "It is unreasonable to expect someone to change entirely. I haven't read this document yet, but everybody has to compromise and you won't get anywhere by blaming the other person".
So that was the beginning of the end. Oh, and I was seven months pregnant at the time.
Fast forward six months when baby is four months old -- Husband gives me his first separation agreement a few days after Christmas. I had thought things were improving between us since we'd been going to marriage counselling. Once I got over the initial shock, denial and anger, I wanted the parting to be as amicable as possible.
Over the years (nine years), it will not be. He wanted out of the marriage and he is getting what he wants, yet he is still unhappy and refuses to communicate with me about the children. He has ignored the concerns I had when the kids were smaller and I've learned to not communicate with him, except when absolutely necessary. He raises topics, I respond (dealing with just the facts) and he claims I don't respond, years after I did (I have the emails to prove that I did respond).
It's easier for me when he has a girlfriend and he went through a number of them (about five in five years), but he hasn't had a female companion for a couple of years, so now he's taking out all his bitterness on me.
He's threatened to take me to court again later this year, for nothing (I guess he's trying to think of a reason to take me to court).
He wanted the separation and divorce. He has what he wants, so why does he still try to torment me? I just don't get it. I don't lose any sleep over it, but I wish he'd just leave me alone.
Why do exes continue to be so darned difficult when they got what they wanted?
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:24 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 546
BitHunter is on a distinguished road
Default

The divorce wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a completely different you, he depicted in that 10 pages document. Nothing will change these kind of idiots and as long as we have a common child we will carry them as our crosses as long as we live.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:26 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 18
mom4everthere is on a distinguished road
Default

You need to look after yourself and your children...you have been through alot of negativity. Please imagine ripping up that 10 page diatribe immediately. This nonsense is a heavy weight and a social worker, psychologist, or support group can help you. If there are threats, do not hesitate to call the police or a crisis line.
Your ex has alot of issues to work through, still.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:54 PM
MommaBear73's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ottawa area
Posts: 176
MommaBear73 is on a distinguished road
Default

I really feel for you. It seems every time something good happens to me the ex tries to convince our oldest to leave home and live with him, or he serves me with nonsense. When he found out I was dating again he tried to get joint custody even though we lived no where near each other and I had sole for years. When he found out I was pregnant and moving to a bigger home he tried to block my move and again get custody of the kids. He accuses me of nonsense, gets called on it then changes his reasons for trying to get custody. First I was a bad mom for not taking care of their medical needs (Dr. wrote a letter stating otherwise) then it was I was neglecting their education (report cards showing their amazing grades as well as letters from their teachers calling them 'model students' and awards from school for showing 'strength of character' again showed otherwise) It drives me nuts. He keeps trying to prove I'm a bad mother when he knows it's not true and whenever he's proven wrong it's like he thinks "Hmmmm, that didn't work....let's try this!!"
Sometimes I feel like I'm in Crazytown and he's the Mayor
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 09:49 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,175
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

Misery loves company - just don't let it be yours.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-10-2011, 10:24 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

You are going to have to find a way to let go. I've just about heard every excuse for why my marriage failed. Instead of being able to say, yes it didn't work and hold on to the good memories, I am constantly reminded of the bad things
Don't let him get to you. You will move on and be happy again, if not with someone else, try doing it for your self. Nothing brings me more satisfaction then curling up with my little pumpkin and reading a bedtime story. No one will love me more than this child! Hugs and kisses, I get them from her!
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-11-2011, 09:22 PM
Epona's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Brampton
Posts: 422
Epona is on a distinguished road
Default

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
:-)
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-12-2011, 08:39 AM
dadtotheend's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough
Default

Remind yourself that, while you may not be a man, you are a

YouTube - The Verve - Lucky Man

Just look at your kids for the reminder
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:33 AM.