Big Mess

[iceberg]

As I mentioned in other posts, my child is 5 (this month will be 5) and shares equel time with her mom and me. Her mom had a plan to move to TO with her H but I guess she found out she will not be able to take our daughter with her so looks like those plans are off (for now). However, I think she is using a new tactic to accomplish something. First she refused to give the child the flu shot. The child has been immunized every year but this year she said no. I know our kid is healthy so I didn't wanna go ahead and immunize her even though I thought about it. But that was just the beggining. As usual the mother is little involved when it comes to child's education and medicals but is very involved when it comes to talking. She said the child should change school. (preschool). I said why if she is happy where she is now, what's the benefit. She said who am I to question that? In short she said we can talk but I should not question anything. I said our daughter said yesterday that you hit her and occasionaly complains about things such as fights in your house etc. She said "she will beat her when ever she wants because she is the mother". Then said don't ever again question anything. I said I will call the police if she complains one more time about anything. She said go ahead, I am going to file for full custody and I promise you I will get it.

I don't see on what grounds she can get full custody except that she decided we suddenly cannot get along. The fact that she planned a move to TO wouldn't help me because I have no proof. We are involved about the same in the kid's life except I did much more when it comes to education and medicals. Financial too.

So she is willing to talk to me but wants to be in control just like if she was CP. I don't think so. I am thinking of telling her to cut all verbal communication with me and contact me with SMS or a book or mail or whatever except e-mail I am not into computers. Of course in case of emergancy then we have to talk. Also I will tell her she makes any major decisions or complains about minor decisions I make, will end up in court.

I do have records of our good relationship until several weeks ago and have proof of her saying stuff she shouldn't say like "she will beat the child whenever she wants to". Threatening me of not seing the child again etc.

Even though anything is possible in the court, I hope she wouldn't get awarded full custody because I can prove my good parentship and relationship with the child. If there was an investigation I believe the would conclude that the child is happier when with me. And my wild guess is the judge would order to continue status quo with some extra rules but who knows....

I think lack of cooperation or no cooperation is her grounds/chance for FC. But I can't let her do what she wants and having the child complain about something every time.

Yes, too long of a post but I needed to share it with you fellows and you are welcome to throw in your 2 cents

Cheers

[tugofwar]

Yes, invest in email exchanges. Encourage it. It can be used alot easier in courts as evidence. Stop verbal communications.
She's blowing smoke out of her ass if status quo has been working in your shared arrangement and has for quite sometime.
She's just threatening you. Don't buy into it.
Either one of you have a lawyer? Do you have a seperation agreement in place?

[Mess]

Big Mess here, strong as a horse and almost as smart!!

I agree with Tug. Discreetly switch all communication to email. When she calls ignore the call, or say you have water boiling and can she email you. Via email say things like "I can't remember the plans from the phone, can you write them out for me?"

Try not to give away that you want it all in writing for evidence, but that is exactly what you are doing.

If she hits the child again, take her to a doctor immediately, have notes made of any bruising and have the child explain to the doctor what happened. The doctor will obliged to report it, be prepared for that, but do not hesitate.

[dadtotheend]

Originally Posted by iceberg

As usual the mother is little involved when it comes to child's education and medicals but is very involved when it comes to talking.

That's hilarious.

Originally Posted by iceberg

She said "she will beat her when ever she wants because she is the mother".

That's not.

[tugofwar]

Did she really say beat? Or did she say maybe discipline? You know sometimes we hear words and interpret it in another way.

[iceberg]

Originally Posted by Mess

Big Mess here, strong as a horse and almost as smart!!

I agree with Tug. Discreetly switch all communication to email. When she calls ignore the call, or say you have water boiling and can she email you. Via email say things like "I can't remember the plans from the phone, can you write them out for me?"

Try not to give away that you want it all in writing for evidence, but that is exactly what you are doing.

If she hits the child again, take her to a doctor immediately, have notes made of any bruising and have the child explain to the doctor what happened. The doctor will obliged to report it, be prepared for that, but do not hesitate.

I really doubt she would ever communicate through e-mail. Text message yes if she has to. But I will try email because in email you can write as long as you want and you have proof of everything that is written.

For hitting or any form of abuse, I made it clear to her that I will not tolerate it if I gather any evidence and will contact police (or doctor).

[iceberg]

[quote=dadtotheend;55475]That's hilarious.

Just to make it clear, I am talking about my ex and not about other mothers out there.

Yes it sounds funny but also hurts me when she doesn't know the name of child's school or when is her next appointment with a doctor but when it comes to talking I don't get a chance to say a word because she does all the talking.

[iceberg]

Originally Posted by tugofwar

Did she really say beat? Or did she say maybe discipline? You know sometimes we hear words and interpret it in another way.

She said beat. But she was very angry. When she is calm she denies that she ever hits her. So she did say it out of anger. I suggested taking an anger management class and she got even more angry.

It all happened when I mentioned that I hear there are fights in their house and if it is true I don't want my daughter to witness that (verbal fights) and I asked her to quit smoking around the child. She said she will get full custody, called me names and even made a death threat. I don't know exactly how she said it but something like if she lost the child I would end up dead.

She is nice to me when I don't question anything.