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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-30-2011, 04:16 PM
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Default The Big Lie - My wife lied about leaving country

My wife and I still live together but in process of seperation. We have two children 9 and 5. In late November she suggested I or her but not both take the kids South for seven days over xmas. I looked into this but in mid-December she said she was tired and that she wanted the kids to stay home over holidays.

At the same I inadvertantly found out she had booked a ticket to Europe for herself over the holiday to visit a friend (I don't think it's an affair). I didn't say anything as I am trying to be on best behaviour. Over the holidays she and I plan to attend a friends party but I already know she has booked the air ticket which conflicts with party date. Maybe she cancelled the ticket at last minute!

No the night before she is suppose to leave she tells me an out of town (Ontario) friend of hers is very sick and that she would like to go spend a couple days with her. My radar went up but I said ok.

She came back in 5 days but I did through cell phone / credit card records prove that she was indeed in europe.

Aside from spoiling her childrens holidays - Is there any ramifications vis-a-vis CS, SS, custody for this action.

Thanks,
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Old 12-30-2011, 04:21 PM
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there are no ramifications what so ever for what she did. She went on a little vacation, that is it.
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Old 12-30-2011, 04:43 PM
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Stupid move on her part. What if there was an emergency with one of the children ?
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Old 12-30-2011, 05:59 PM
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Stupid move on her part. What if there was an emergency with one of the children ?
Isn't the father capable of caring for the child if there was an emergency?

Like Standing said...she went on a vacation...she has no reason to tell him where she went, they are in the separation process so really none of his business.
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Isn't the father capable of caring for the child if there was an emergency?

Like Standing said...she went on a vacation...she has no reason to tell him where she went, they are in the separation process so really none of his business.
Where did I say that the father isn't capable ? I never ever hinted at such a stupid statement. You are right that she doesn't have to say where she went on vacation...however lieing is not appropriate. If there is an emergency and I had one of our children, in a second without hesitation I would phone their father so he could be there with them/us (and I have). I would also hope that my ex would do the same in return. In the case of a medical emergency, both parents should be available for the children.
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:20 PM
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I stand by my statement that the father is more than capable and mom doesn't have to be there...yes its nice if BOTH parents are present, but you saying it was stupid for her to go on vacation because they might have been an emergency is not a valid argument... even if she didn't go to Europe but was still out of town, the father would still have to deal with an emergency himself.

She would face no ramifications for what she did.
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Old 12-30-2011, 06:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by May_May View Post
Where did I say that the father isn't capable ? I never ever hinted at such a stupid statement. You are right that she doesn't have to say where she went on vacation...however lieing is not appropriate. If there is an emergency and I had one of our children, in a second without hesitation I would phone their father so he could be there with them/us (and I have). I would also hope that my ex would do the same in return. In the case of a medical emergency, both parents should be available for the children.
yes lieing is bad and so is snooping into your stbxs personal life.
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Old 12-30-2011, 09:11 PM
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So, gist of it is that she really wanted to go to Europe over Christmas, but didn't feel she could tell you (or the kids) the truth. Maybe she thought it would give you an advantage for custody, or maybe she thought it would make you think she had extra money, maybe she felt guilty for being away from the kids for the holidays, it doesn't matter. She didn't feel she could tell you or them the truth, so she lied. But since it's none of your business what she does, does it matter?

There are no direct legal ramifications with regards to support, but I suppose it might give her an edge to requesting she have access on Christmas next year. If it's part of a pattern of ignoring parental responsibilities and dishonesty, it's yet one more piece of evidence, but by itself, it's annoying and meaningless.
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Old 01-02-2012, 05:45 PM
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My advice: stop snooping around in your ex's personal life and focus on "your" family life with your children. You agreed to her leaving your children in your care for 5 days while she was not available. You really have nothing to ramify if you did not ask for full disclosure (contact info, address, etc.) from your ex before she left. If you had and she did not provide it then you may be able to use this in the future to go with other instances where she was not forthcoming of her whereabouts when it is "her parenting time" but as long as your children were and are in your care, there is really nothing significant about the situation. Having said that, if your agreement does not have a clause that includes notifying the other parent when "your children" will be going on a trip outside of the city/province/country of residence and contact info, address, etc., based on your ex's behaviour (lying), I would have such a clause included for your children but this is not, nor should it be required of your ex.

Last edited by first timer; 01-02-2012 at 05:48 PM.
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Old 01-07-2012, 12:45 AM
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I am very new to this but I feel that I should let you know that I wish I were in your shoes. Look at it this way when it comes to custody she felt that you were fully capable of looking after the kids while she left the country. Good for you!
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