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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-10-2015, 05:27 PM
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Happy Endings??........depends.

The five years of living hell as my ex and business partners fought over my assets.

Paying the bitch like forever in 6 figures. Divorce lottery, really fair.

The simple and unabashed greed, coupled with the willingness of all to destroy me financially while they tried to reap everything.

The complete betrayal and use of Family Law to bash me at every instance.

Ex's stupid, greedy behavior ruined my business life and the kids' inheritance.

Happy Part?

Awesome GF for last several years.

I kept enough assets to have a very good life, no thanks to Family Law or anyone's moral behavior.

Health is better again. Don't feel the need to be drinking to dull the hurt.

Kids are doing OK - 50/50 from start - by the time ex clued into the possible $$ of keeping kids - status quo was in place. And my kids still love me. Small inheritance still in the cards.

Upshot

My fault for divorce - don't blame ex for that - do blame her for her greed though.

Will. Never. Ever. get married again - Common Law with a pile of legal protection, maybe.
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Old 03-11-2015, 09:39 AM
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I'm hoping "bumping" this thread will get more happy endings shared!

Personally, I want so badly to think that everyone involved in my separation will come through better in the end that if we had stayed together. I feel so much guilt some days for splitting our family up (even though I wasn't the cheating party).
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Old 03-11-2015, 10:11 AM
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Default Any happy endings?

Funny, my partner and I had a talk about letting things go last night. Hes still harboring a great deal of anger and resentment from his divorce but its fueled more by actions that impact his relationship with his kids. We talked about letting it go and moving forward with a feeling of positivity.

I read this article last night too:
http://www.chatelaine.com/living/the-happy-divorce/

Its hard to find a happy ending when youre tied to a party intent on holding on to anger and resentment. Even more so when kids are involved.

Guilt never really goes away until you stop that train of thought. As a child of an ugly divorce I can say that the only thing I am carrying from my parents divorce is that they couldnt be grown ups about it. If they had, ten to fifteen years of my life wouldnt have been spent angry and resentful.
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Old 03-21-2015, 08:55 AM
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I'm not quite there... but the way I look at it, it could have been a lot worse. I didn't see the split coming, so when I realized that the marriage was not going to make it, it was a huge shock to me. Before it happened I was literally waking up everyday thank-ful for the lovely wife and kids I had. Serious freight train slamming into me.

But now... after some time and space.. I can see how unhappy she was, and how much energy I was investing in trying to make her happy. It seems like a waste of 3 years of my life trying to fix things, but with her out of the house now, its like this fog of tension is completely gone. I can't tell you how good that feels.

Another thing I did personally that helped me reconcile any anger about the financial aspect ( you know... the 1/2 of everything I earned in my life thing? ). .. I don't need to save for or budget for 2 people to live out their lives together. She was quite a bit younger than me and I was trying to get enough saved so she would be comfortable for 20+ years after I passed on. I've got a few years of support to pay, but its not onerous.. a lot of that money would have been spent if we were together anyway, so my lifestyle has not drastically changed.

I've been on a few dates and am having a great time prospecting if nothing else.... never expected to lust after other women and actually be able to follow through. Got to like that

Last edited by joehobo; 03-21-2015 at 08:56 AM. Reason: clarity
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Old 03-21-2015, 09:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whyme? View Post
I'm hoping "bumping" this thread will get more happy endings shared!

Personally, I want so badly to think that everyone involved in my separation will come through better in the end that if we had stayed together. I feel so much guilt some days for splitting our family up (even though I wasn't the cheating party).
Your sentiments are honorable though unlikely if one of you are unreasonably high conflict with a greedy lawyer who makes things worse.

My ex still calls me (regardless of restraining order) pie-eyed drunk to complain about the fact that he is alone and broke. Ironically he was the one who caused the split-up. Sure I would want him happy, secure and especially sober .... in a perfect world.

My ex is no longer my problem and his unhappiness is his alone to bare.


YOU will come out better in the end, if you can stop worrying about his future and keep the focus on yours and your children's.
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Old 03-21-2015, 12:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joehobo View Post
I've been on a few dates and am having a great time prospecting if nothing else.... never expected to lust after other women and actually be able to follow through. Got to like that
Prospecting! I really like that way of framing it.
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Old 03-21-2015, 01:54 PM
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Prospectors ... another word for gold-diggers no?
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:28 PM
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Prospectors ... another word for gold-diggers no?
Lol, yes I guess it is, though I wasn't thinking of it that way! I was thinking along the lines of putting in serious effort to weed out the rocks in the hopes of finding a treasure. As long as that person is self-sufficient, financially responsible and carries their own weight along with me, I'll be happy. Never partnering with anyone who makes much less than me again!
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Old 03-21-2015, 04:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Lol, yes I guess it is, though I wasn't thinking of it that way! I was thinking along the lines of putting in serious effort to weed out the rocks in the hopes of finding a treasure. As long as that person is self-sufficient, financially responsible and carries their own weight along with me, I'll be happy. Never partnering with anyone who makes much less than me again!
No kidding!! This is exactly whats on my list. I'm not going to trash the first 15 years of the relationship, because I truly loved trip, the ups and downs..building a home and family. She just went squirrelly when she hit 40. But she came into it with nothing and walked out with a home of her own free and clear (plus cs and a bit of ss). At this point in my life I can't afford to to make that mistake again (and I'm smart enough now not to). I want all that butterflies in the stomach stuff... but nobody is setting up shop in my home without buying a 50% equity stake in our future
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Old 03-21-2015, 06:54 PM
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My ex also came in with nothing and left with 3/4 million paid home, 6 figures for a couple of decades, and managed to play a good part in wreaking my career, along with others (I'm sure I played a small part in that too) trying to make on a sad situation.

Marriage, with unequal financial partners, is fine until the shite hits the fan........and then,......well imagine the shite hitting a fan.

Last edited by piggybanktoex; 03-21-2015 at 06:54 PM. Reason: Forgot word
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