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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 12-17-2013, 05:22 PM
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Default Annoying Slavery

Its pretty annoying that because I have a regular full-time job and my ex is unemployed and getting support from me that when I get the kids for vacation I don't have enough money to do anything and since she doesn't have a job and well support she is free as a bird to go travel and stuff, is that what happens in Eat, Pray Love?

Yes, I'm bitter she has taken 3 vacations in a less than 18 months on my dime and she'll probably never be held accountable for it.
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:21 PM
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I hear ya my friend !

It truly is unfair and depressing to become a "financial slave" to someone else especially when CS is involved yet there is ZERO accountability that it is actually spent on the children's behalf. Never mind that especially for higher income earners the "CS" is crazy high and well in excess of what the child needs (not that the child will see much of it .....).

Yes, in hindsight we made a horrible mistake and married the wrong person but I still don't understand why the government literally makes the person who worked hard a financial slave and the spouse who chose/chooses not to work is actually rewarded.

The bottom line, of course, is money. There are no doubt some support recipients who would otherwise be on welfare and of course the government is anxious to make someone else pay.

I suspect that slowly some common sense will come back - especially in severely limiting SS - it seems to be starting in the U.S. with maximums and abolition of "lifetime" SS pension.

With the internet's ability to distribute information, hopefully the next generation of potential "cash cows" will be better educated on the very real financial danger of marriage to those that are ambitious and hard working and in turn they will avoid marriage or at least better protect themselves.

In the meantime, hopefully you have a firm end date on your SS and won't be so naive next time - no matter how a new partner seems NOW - always remember they are a very real threat to your financial survival - NO ONE is worth being turned into a financial slave over - ensure you protect yourself in the future.....
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by shellshocked22 View Post
I suspect that slowly some common sense will come back - especially in severely limiting SS - it seems to be starting in the U.S. with maximums and abolition of "lifetime" SS pension.
The US also has some laws which enable one to sue the person who had the affair with your spouse. I believe it is called "alienation of affection." I would have much preferred to have sued my ex's adulterous g/f for damages under such a law.
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:55 PM
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The US also has some laws which enable one to sue the person who had the affair with your spouse. I believe it is called "alienation of affection." I would have much preferred to have sued my ex's adulterous g/f for damages under such a law.
Those types of laws are on their way out and the reality is that no-fault laws are the best because it allows people to do whatever they want (i.e: show their true colors).

Would you prefer years of being lied to jsut so they don't get in trouble at divorce court?

No-fault is more honest but it should just be clear in advance that marriage is a contract where there are no penalties for breaking it and instead there is just financial equalization.
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:09 PM
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I believe that accountability extends to breaking of contracts. People have to be more careful of what they agree to at the onset. We insist on ILA for the ending of a marriage why not for the start? I don't see it as a prenup. rather as people entering into a marriage contract being fully informed of consequences if contract is breached. Most of us find out the reality of divorce when it is too late.

I don't know how that sort of thing would extend to people who are already married and emigrate to Canada though.
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Old 12-17-2013, 08:31 PM
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...
Yes, I'm bitter she has taken 3 vacations in a less than 18 months on my dime and she'll probably never be held accountable for it.
Hopefully, the kids at least participated somehow on the vacations?

It's best to not dwell, on things you have no control over. I hear ya though. My very first child support payment, went towards Mom's new tattoo, and she would scream at me, that I had to buy diapers and such, because she couldn't afford them, and she ran out of the ones I had already provided her, in addition to child support. Classy. New baby, can't afford to buy basics for baby, but can funnel child support to body art?

Eventually, the child support will stop, and I wonder what she'll do then? No skills, and living off child support and her new guy who adopted her.
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Old 12-18-2013, 12:31 AM
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I believe that accountability extends to breaking of contracts. People have to be more careful of what they agree to at the onset. We insist on ILA for the ending of a marriage why not for the start? I don't see it as a prenup. rather as people entering into a marriage contract being fully informed of consequences if contract is breached. Most of us find out the reality of divorce when it is too late.

I don't know how that sort of thing would extend to people who are already married and emigrate to Canada though.
I think the best thing that can be done is to give a basic course in senior high school about Marriage and Family law. Considering 50% of people get divorced it seems like a no-brainer.
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Old 12-18-2013, 01:16 AM
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I don't recall what the prerequisite is for marriage. Is a marriage license still applied for nowadays? Perhaps ILA certificate should be produced prior to licensing? Another source of billable hours for our lawyer friends who would positively drool at the thought of all the residuals (prenups, wills, etc.).
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Old 12-18-2013, 01:19 PM
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I believe that accountability extends to breaking of contracts. People have to be more careful of what they agree to at the onset. We insist on ILA for the ending of a marriage why not for the start? I don't see it as a prenup. rather as people entering into a marriage contract being fully informed of consequences if contract is breached. Most of us find out the reality of divorce when it is too late.

I don't know how that sort of thing would extend to people who are already married and emigrate to Canada though.
Damn straight Arabian. I have $25000 worth of custody agreements that are completely worthless as there doesn't seem to be any accountability on breaking the agreements that take so long and so much money to come up with.

I think that difficult people are going to be difficult, no matter how many courses you make them take at any time. My ex doesn't think the rules apply to him, so courses would just educate him more on the rules superior beings like himself don't have to follow.

The only thing Family Law has done for my ex is perfect his manipulation and lying techniques. He's become quite skilled at it.
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Old 12-18-2013, 02:31 PM
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The courses are meant to educate YOU about what are the financial/legal implications and requirements of marriage/divorce since you have a very high chance of GETTING married and then you have a 50% chance of getting divorce. The courses are protection.

I think that is the BEST/most neutral major societal change to make but I seriously doubt wage earners will get married anymore.
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