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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-11-2012, 11:18 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 341
winterwolf7 is on a distinguished road

Once the drama of courts, lawyers and each family have gotten involved it's extremely rare and difficult to set it aside and reconcile. I've heard of several forum posters here reconciling but in all cases it was short lived and most admitted they regretted it and it made the eventual break up even harder and more messy. I will admit that my own parents DID successfully reconcile after their divorce... 21 years divorced and now they are back together and have been very happy for more than 5 years together. They both went through a tremendous amount in those 21 years and changed a lot... at the time it was NOT an amicable divorce at all.

Unfortunately for them, my parents reconciled only to have my divorce come into their lives shortly thereafter... can't have been easy for them. It certainly wasn't for me.

You will need a lot of external help if you want to take a good run at a second chance. It's admirable that you're open to it.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 06-11-2012, 11:56 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,810
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough

Basically, in a nutshell, lawyers, courts and such are involved in arranging access to our daughter. Reason being, HE went this route to apply for sole, because I told him overnights at his place would need to be a gradual transition. He did not like that, she was 9 months old at the time, he thought it was all about control with me.
I think this is controlling I'd agree with him. However, I don't agree with the extreme action he took to apply for sole...unless there is more to the story than you've indicated in your posting.

Bottom line, you don't own the aren't the gatekeeper for how and when he sees the child. He has assumed 50/50 custody and you really need to understand that. The best thing for your child is to have a equal relationship with both parents, unless there's reasons why he doesn't want that or is unfit. Otherwise, you need to stop policing his parenting role....its very controlling and its going to come back to bite your in the butt in court if you do split up.

Best wishes trying to reconcile. That might be the best possible outcome and might allow both of you to re-focus on your marriage. Good luck!
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