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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2014, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
This is the " male" list. A little gender biased don't you think. Not all women are like this and also there are many many Men who would fit the profile this author of the list has painted. I know at least 1!
Op is male

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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 03-18-2014, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laughagain View Post
I'm feeling a giant pit in my stomach.

I believe while being extremely nice to me in the moment she is doing all those background things. I see the evidence.
You should act fast and start preparing a financial plan for yourself.

Read the list and start quietly preparing. If it turns ugly you won't see it coming.

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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
You should act fast and start preparing a financial plan for yourself.

Read the list and start quietly preparing. If it turns ugly you won't see it coming.

Mine showed up for mediation, my dime.
After wasting the hour insulting the mediator and myself she walked out.

Latter it came to fruition she had already decided to never mediate and in fact had her agenda well under way before our mediation session.
She only went to waste my money.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 01:03 PM
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When people leave they most always have a plan.

You should be speaking to a lawyer and having an application to court ready so you can file it on a moments notice.

If you can can negotiate great but don't be left behind.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 05:10 PM
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Emotionally - i suggest you check out talkaboutmarriage.com
Do a 180, detach, its all business from here on in.

-What are the living arrangements?
-Is her job flexible, can she pick up the kids like you can etc?
-I suggest you file for sole custody with GENEROUS access rights to her.
-She can have 50/50 in the summer for example

Then this is what you do,
-You get CS + SS; which means she is basically working to support you and the kids and gets to keep the what she needs to live. You can use mysupportcalculator.ca to evaluate.
-This will persist for the next 5-10 years
-Focus on keeping it going till the last kid is out of university - which is reasonable considering the SSAG.
-Ask to be able to go to school or recycle/upgrade your skills - choose something like lawyer or another 3 year program. After that is done you can have a change of heart if you feel llike it.
-The financial support system is fully socialized in divorce - she gets NO benefit from working except that after the kids are out of university she'll still (maybe) earning her wage and you''ll have to live off investments or something.
-For the next 5 years, travel was much as you can because you don't have the requirement of a full-time job. Once the 5 year time is up, start working part-time; consulting or something perhaps - be selective/risky
-The system might start to put pressure, plead that sole custody requires you to flexible etc...
-10 years later hopefully you'll have something cushy and you'lll best.
-Take your EGO, emotions and throw them out the truck.

If she has any reason not to share custody then don't.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Emotionally - i suggest you check out talkaboutmarriage.com
Do a 180, detach, its all business from here on in.

-What are the living arrangements?
-Is her job flexible, can she pick up the kids like you can etc?
-I suggest you file for sole custody with GENEROUS access rights to her.
-She can have 50/50 in the summer for example

Then this is what you do,
-You get CS + SS; which means she is basically working to support you and the kids and gets to keep the what she needs to live. You can use mysupportcalculator.ca to evaluate.
-This will persist for the next 5-10 years
-Focus on keeping it going till the last kid is out of university - which is reasonable considering the SSAG.
-Ask to be able to go to school or recycle/upgrade your skills - choose something like lawyer or another 3 year program. After that is done you can have a change of heart if you feel llike it.
-The financial support system is fully socialized in divorce - she gets NO benefit from working except that after the kids are out of university she'll still (maybe) earning her wage and you''ll have to live off investments or something.
-For the next 5 years, travel was much as you can because you don't have the requirement of a full-time job. Once the 5 year time is up, start working part-time; consulting or something perhaps - be selective/risky
-The system might start to put pressure, plead that sole custody requires you to flexible etc...
-10 years later hopefully you'll have something cushy and you'lll best.
-Take your EGO, emotions and throw them out the truck.

If she has any reason not to share custody then don't.
Oh boy.

Shared is in the best interest of the kids. Stay child focused.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 05:47 PM
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Quote:
Oh boy.

Shared is in the best interest of the kids. Stay child focused.
With all due respect, the courts don't agree and I can honestly say that I don't agree. I would agree that it is if all the elements in place but its not an absolute.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 06:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Emotionally - i suggest you check out talkaboutmarriage.com
Do a 180, detach, its all business from here on in.

-What are the living arrangements?
-Is her job flexible, can she pick up the kids like you can etc?
-I suggest you file for sole custody with GENEROUS access rights to her.
-She can have 50/50 in the summer for example

Then this is what you do,
-You get CS + SS; which means she is basically working to support you and the kids and gets to keep the what she needs to live. You can use mysupportcalculator.ca to evaluate.
-This will persist for the next 5-10 years
-Focus on keeping it going till the last kid is out of university - which is reasonable considering the SSAG.
-Ask to be able to go to school or recycle/upgrade your skills - choose something like lawyer or another 3 year program. After that is done you can have a change of heart if you feel llike it.
-The financial support system is fully socialized in divorce - she gets NO benefit from working except that after the kids are out of university she'll still (maybe) earning her wage and you''ll have to live off investments or something.
-For the next 5 years, travel was much as you can because you don't have the requirement of a full-time job. Once the 5 year time is up, start working part-time; consulting or something perhaps - be selective/risky
-The system might start to put pressure, plead that sole custody requires you to flexible etc...
-10 years later hopefully you'll have something cushy and you'lll best.
-Take your EGO, emotions and throw them out the truck.

If she has any reason not to share custody then don't.
If you are going to take the advice of this poster, you better read some of his other threads. I am sure Links could help you become just as paranoid as him!

Stay child focused, ask questions on this forum, but also know when to weed out BS posters and when to listen to more experienced ones.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 03-19-2014, 07:01 PM
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research case law for SAHM for 10yr marriages at at age of 50, with 100k income and see what you get. canlii.ca is your friend/
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2014, 02:37 AM
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laughagain:

The good news is that you're eligible for CS and SS. The problem is just that in a contested divorce, it takes a while to get it setup and in place.

You need a financial plan to get you through until you can get that interim agreement. You also need to start doing a little career planning and thinking about how you can get back into the workforce.

I highly agree with the other posters who told you to stay child focused....that really is the most important thing. Shared custody is what you should be working towards because its best for the children and its really best for you when you head back to work. (Ignore the posters who have issues...you don't want to end up like that and more importantly your kids deserve from their dad).

Its a tough time right now and will be for the next year or two...so try to get prepared and not panic too much. There's no point in panicking and truthfully its pointless. If you stay in your home, keep taking care of the kids and have a backup plan for your finances...there isn't a lot she can do to pull the rug out from under you. She's going to have to pay you support period....but as I said, it won't happen right away.

You're probably going to have a time of in-home separation which can just be really hard and you're going to want to read the threads on the forum which show you how to protect yourself in the home.

I really hope that you guys end up having an amicable divorce but hope for the best and plan for the worst.

If I could tell you anything, its that it will get better with time. Hang in there.
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