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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-13-2009, 11:50 AM
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Thank you for the kind words, Kimberly and Sufferer. It's nice to know that at least there are people out there who can see that we are doing the best we can, in the best interest of this child who, unfortunately, was not graced with the most reasonable mother.

Believe it or not, after receiving our reply explaining why we cannot agree to such a program, she replied that (and I quote): "Your financial hardship is not preventing you from other luxuries that you clearly believe are more valuable, like moving our of your parents' home, becoming independent and having more household expenses. So, clearly this is more valuable since it is something you cannot postpone until you become more financially stable. Not allowing your son to play in a house league is not as valuable, since it can wait?? I hope you can understand how this appears and how unjust it is for your son."

Who in their right mind would put playing a sport in a league above providing a suitable home for a child?!

Our decision to move out of my in-law's basement is not a luxury nor a whimsical decision. It is simple reality that my in-laws are planning to downsize and are looking to move into a condo. Plus, we had made a promise to them a year ago that by the summer of 2009, we would have moved out. It's unfortunate that we are in a tough financial situation right now, and for that reason we are looking to rent a smaller, affordable apartment instead of buying a home (as was our original plan). But really, is that any of the bio-mom's business?

It is just so frustrating. And we deal with such unreasonable arguments on a regular basis. It's mentally draining, time consuming, and something that really should not even be an issue. But, that is the reality of this childish young woman, who - instead of standing up on her own two feet - hops from one relative's home to another, while taking trips to Disney or other such vacations. But, God forbid we say anything about her lifestyle or choice of residence!

Thank you all for listening, errr... reading, and for your informative replies.
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Old 02-13-2009, 12:03 PM
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That woman has shown absolutely no common sense. I know it's hard but I think you've got to stick to your guns or it'll get worse.

Good luck.
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Old 02-13-2009, 12:42 PM
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Well, we are planning to tell her that if she wants to sign the child up for a houseleague, she is more than welcome, however we will not contribute to the costs. If she expects us to take the child to games/practices during his time with us, we may consider taking him to one game per week if he is registered in a specific soccer club of our choice (one that holds one game w/practice prior to kickoff) at a location close to her residence, but only if we can afford the travel expense. We are also forwarding community recreation programs located midway, that cost a sixth of the expense of a league membership, and asking her to consider those. She won't, but at least we're trying.

I think it is safe to say that she is not the brightest crayon in the box. Having been dealing with the irrational demands and irrelevent or confusing arguments for over six years, we know for a fact what intelligences she lacks. If only this was known to my husband prior to his drunken one night stand, but unfortunately we don't walk around with our intelligences written on our foreheads. ;-)
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:03 PM
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I was going to say that you must be dealing with someone with a stunted mentality. Totally irrational. Controlling. Selfish. I hope your partner realizes how lucky he is to get away from her.

I really don't understand how some people's ex's have no respect for their ex's boundaries.

My ex's girlfriend sounds a lot like the ex in your situation and every exchange with her, or access visit just further confirms how stunted her emotional intelligence is.
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Old 02-13-2009, 11:46 PM
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wow ,She has no right to tell you where to live.Tell her to go and live in a shelter so she will have more money for the child's extra activities.She sounds just like my ex.His argument in the motion for me over the child support issue was SHE IS UNDER NO FINANCIAL CRISIS.SHE HAS A 42 INCH FLAT TV.I had to literally stop myself from bursting into laughter.
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Old 02-17-2009, 12:22 AM
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It is not wrong for you to say no to extra-curricular activites if you cannot afford to pay your share. Section 7's seem to provide room for a lot of "guilt", if one party demands the child needs it and the other can't pay. I know we went into alot of debt becasue my husband couldn't say "we can't afford this right now" when his child wanted braces. I was on maternity leave and we had to pay $6800 (over 2 years) for the braces, which meant I cashed in some RRSP's to pay for it! She could have waited a few years for braces, but sometimes the NCP can't see as clearly as the new spouse, they are blinded by guilt and wanting to keep their children close and happy. Unfortunately, now we cannot afford to fly his girls out to visit this March break, so it has backfired on his desires to stay close to his kids. MAke sure, above all else, that access won't be sacrificed for Section 7's.
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:12 PM
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Same thing in my case the ex asks for Section 7 expenses for what ever she thinks up and that in turn reduces my access. I have to pay the full amount and have asked her to assist with travel and she says no. You can't win. I don't see how they can justify to a good father paying his support that section 7 expenses are more important then seeing their father. What a system.
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