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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2010, 02:51 PM
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[quote=blinkandimgone;42575]Don't blame Billie for my opinions.



So she isn't using 'your' money to purchase second hand clothes for the children, she's using hers and how she chooses to spend her money is up to her.


It isn't my Ex's money it is my daughter's money. Can my daughter drive? My daughter has no problem taking the bus. If what you say about her needing it to do her errands, than it wouldn't it be mandatory for all Non-custodial parents to buy and pay for a car for the custodial parents?
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Old 06-26-2010, 02:53 PM
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You are obviously angry, have you tried to address this with your ex instead of ranting on here about how unfair it is that your children are in used clothing and your ex has new clothes every other weekend? Children grow out of clothes so fast. I don't see what the big deal is with seeing your children in used clothing. You asked if child support covers clothes, yes it should. But if you are so angry that your children are dressed poorly then get over it. Buy them some clothes and be done with that. This is just petty of you.
You are upset cause you claim your ex is NOT using the child support money on the children. O well, what can you do right? Life is not fair.

I don't dress my child in her better clothes when she goes to visit ex, cause she always comes back stained and dirty. I know it's a part of being a kid. I don't send her down looking like a hobo either. But I also have been supporting her on my own for almost 2 years with no child support yet.
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:17 PM
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What isn't good for me isn't good for my children. If I don't shop at second hand stores for myself never would I shop there for my children.
You forgot the word 'enough'...."what isn't good ENOUGH for me isn't good ENOUGH for my children."

Ergo the snob comment.

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I am a bit confused on this site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What does everyone consider Child Abuse?
Anything that is harmful to the well being of the child - wearing second hand clothes is NOT harmful to ANY child - only YOUR ego.

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I don't have a problem with anyone shopping at a second hand store...
As long as it's not you or your child, right?

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....what I have a problem with is seeing my daughter in second hand clothes and her mother in new clothes every other weekend. How do you pay for a car loan and insurance that comes out to $643 and thats not including gas and maintenance and have no job, and not only that shopping at leather clothing stores.
You have no right to tell her how to spend her money. As long as the children are fed, dressed and sheltered then it's irrelevant where she shops.

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I am paying for my daughter to dress nice...
No, you're paying for your child to be dressed. I've yet to see any law anywhere that defines what type of clothing the child must wear as long as it fits and is seasonally appropriate. You have said she is dressed, that is what matters.

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Whoever receives CS need to realize it isn't SS and it is all for the child not the Custodial parent to shop and pay their bills with.
WRONG. The parent has expenses directly related to the child when it comes to paying bills. Maintaining shelter (ie: rent, hydro, gas etc) affects the child, transportation of the child is an expense, insurance for the car to transport your child etc.

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You have the internet you can find out what child neglect and abuse is and than come put your comments.
Wrong again, it's a public forum, anyone can post their comments anytime they want to. I would suggest you do some searching on child neglect and abuse and when you really truly have an understanding of what that is if you STILL feel that applies to your child wearing second hand clothes then by all means, I'm willing to hear your reasons why. Spend some time looking at pictures and reading about children who have truly been neglected and abused, those who have died or nearly died from malnutrition, who have been beaten and burned by abusive parents and come back and tell me you feel YOUR issue with second hand clothing is the equivalent of what those children went through.

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When Custodial parents ask for CS they are asking for it to help cover the child's needs for the month not their needs.
You're absolutely right on that one, the needs of the child are covered. You have said yourself they are, you will at some point have to accept the fact that you cannot control everything as to how the child's needs are met.They're met, end of story.

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It is people like you that that's the reason there is such thing as child abuse and neglect.
You are so far over the line with that attack, you have anger issues and lash at out at anyone who does not agree with you. Welcome to the real world buddy, not everyone is going to agree with you and not everyone is going to say they do just to shut you up. Some of us will go ahead and call a spade a spade and hope you shut up on your own and actually hear some real world perspective.

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Are you a pediatrician do you specialize or even cared to look those definitions up?
No I'm not a pediatrician, I don't need to look up the definition of child abuse or neglect however to humour you, I went ahead and did it anyways.

"What Is Child Abuse?

"Child abuse" can be defined as causing or permitting any harmful or offensive contact on a child's body; and, any communication or transaction of any kind which humiliates, shames, or frightens the child. Some child development experts go a bit further, and define child abuse as any act or omission, which fails to nurture or in the upbringing of the children.

The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act defines child abuse and neglect as: “at a minimum, any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.”

You have yet to say she's done anything that falls under either of those definitions. If you are so concerned about the effects that wearing second hand clothing is having on your child re: abuse - call Children's Aid and get her some help. See what they say.

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Do you know what the stats are from Stats Canada?
On what?

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Do you know that it is because of single mothers that cause the most poverty rates around the world.


Uh....newsflash for you buddy - women didn't become single mothers without the help of men. You label women 'single mothers' and yet you say nothing about single fathers. Do the men stop being fathers because they stop being married? If your ex is a single mother then that makes you a single father, does it not?

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Have you done any research before you leave your commments and opinions?
Yes, at your suggestion I looked up the definition of child abuse and neglect and nowhere did it say anything about wearing second hand clothing or being able to tell someone else where to shop or spend their money - facts I already knew but again, looked up to humour you anyways.

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Or you just talking from your own experience?


Nope, I have never experienced anyone who ever had the gall to try to tell another person where they had to shop for their children's clothing.

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Is it in the best interest for you to look better than your child or to pay your bills before you buy something for them?
Sometimes it is. If I have to go to work in an office and meet clients etc and my children are going to spend most of their time playing in the dirt, painting and generally having messy kid fun then it absolutely makes sense for me to be concerned about being well put together and less concerned about spending a tonne of money buying brand name clothes the kids will ruing in a matter of days doing what they do. I have no problem with the children getting dirty and I for one am certainly not running to the store to replace everything that gets a tear or stain on it. They are children, they're supposed to get dirty and have fun and not be constantly guilt tripped when something gets ruined because mommy or daddy spent a fortune on it. Let your kid be a kid for god's sake.

Yes, I make sure the bills are paid before buying something for my children. It's called being financially responsible. My children's needs are covered, I teach my children to understand the difference between WANT and NEED. For example: Child NEEDS a sweater, Child WANTS an $80 sweater, Child gets a $20 sweater and also hot water to shower because I paid the gas bill.

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Most people on this site are only talking about themselves and what is in the best interest for themselves.
I think you're projecting with that one.

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Does your children(s) know that the non-custodial parent are paying CS, most children don't and most Custodial parents act like the don't neither.
No, they don't and they shouldn't. Children should be taught about money and finances at a level that is suitable for their development. They should NOT be brought into the parents' financial battles or anything else in their parent's relationship. Leave the children out of it. You seem to have a habit of making sweeping statements of behalf of others that you have no business making.

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That isn't abuse?
No.

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Than what is? Do you think abuse is only physical?
Read above.

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What do you think happens when your children find out when they grow up?
If you take it upon yourself to involve your children in your financial or other issues with your spouse whether it be now or when they grow up YOU are causing them harm. Leave the children out of it, settle your issues between the two of you and stop imposing on your children things they are not equipped to deal with.

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You don't think they will realize one day that you were wrong?
Children grow up and they form their opinions based on their experiences. If you poison them with tales about how they are forced to wear second hand clothes they will eventually realize there was a wrong done, however I don't think it will be the one you think it is. They will eventually see you for what you really are and your attempts to poison them against their other parent will work against you.
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:25 PM
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wow blink, i tip my hat to you. You provided valid/logical points. Very good answer and I can hardly wait to see how he answers.

By the way, I also wore second hand clothes growing up. It was never a form a child abuse in fact I never even thought about it at all. To me I was dressed and that is all there was to it.
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Old 06-26-2010, 04:07 PM
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So when your in court asking for child support why does the mother ask for so much money for clothing,food and shelter when they can basically go to the food bank to get food and the used clothing store for your child. SO why is it you need all this money for than? Are your trying to justify your spending habits? She asked for the amount because of expenses she can't prove that she is paying for it, but I am supposed to let that go because it isn't that much? Custodial parents are more than able to get an education and go back to work. If your kids are such a baron that is stopping you from doing all this than give them to the parent that can handle all the responsibilities and not take it out on the other parent and child(s). So why not in court when asking the Judge for these cost explain that it is really for their car payments and your expenses and that whatever is left over will be spent on the child?
Even though I give money each and every month, and even though I barely have enough to make it for myself that month, I still manage to shop anywhere else than a second hand store. It is sad to see that $30 was spent there while the mother had $5000 in her account.
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Old 06-26-2010, 04:10 PM
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Won't I feel foolish when the Society for Prevention of Second Hand Clothing comes knocking at my door.
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Old 06-26-2010, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
wow blink, i tip my hat to you. You provided valid/logical points. Very good answer and I can hardly wait to see how he answers.

By the way, I also wore second hand clothes growing up. It was never a form a child abuse in fact I never even thought about it at all. To me I was dressed and that is all there was to it.
Yeah but your parents probably shopped there as well.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2010, 04:21 PM
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So when your in court asking for child support why does the mother ask for so much money for clothing,food and shelter when they can basically go to the food bank to get food and the used clothing store for your child. SO why is it you need all this money for than? Are your trying to justify your spending habits? She asked for the amount because of expenses she can't prove that she is paying for it, but I am supposed to let that go because it isn't that much?
There are federal guidelines on the amount of child support paid out based on YOUR income and custody agreement for access. Regardless of how much money you feel she should be spending on the child for whatever reason you are obligated to pay that. It's called family law - look it up (I heard there's even a whole website devoted to discussion about it). If you feel there has been a miscalculation based on your income then produce your financials and apply to get it changed.

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If your kids are such a baron that is stopping you from doing all this....
I do not think that means what you think it means.

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If your kids are such a baron that is stopping you from doing all this than give them to the parent that can handle all the responsibilities and not take it out on the other parent and child(s).
If you want to take a more active role in your child's life and upbringing then do something about instead of sitting back, doing nothing and whining about it all here.

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So why not in court when asking the Judge for these cost explain that it is really for their car payments and your expenses and that whatever is left over will be spent on the child?
The courts are smart enough and familiar enough with the costs and responsibilities involved in raising children that they understand and expect some of the money will be spent to cover necessities for the child, including bills. I'm sure that if your ex decided to rent a single room in a house and share it with the child so she was not spending any of 'your' money on shelter expenses you'd take issue with that as well.

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Even though I give money each and every month, and even though I barely have enough to make it for myself that month, I still manage to shop anywhere else than a second hand store.
Cry me a river. You're whining that you barely have enough to live on your own but yet you refuse to shop somewhere that will help you live within your means. Hypocrite much?

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It is sad to see that $30 was spent there while the mother had $5000 in her account.
Believe me when I say THAT is not the sad part of your whiney little tale.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 06-26-2010, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by jaysneed View Post
Yeah but your parents probably shopped there as well.
nope they didn't. Kids outgrow clothes so fast so the clothes that survived were passed from cousin to cousin etc. The parents in my family thought it more thrifty to do pass kids clothes around or get from a second hand shop.Kids do not care about name brands and labels until the peer pressure hits. Why spend the money on something that would only last for maybe that one season, unless you bought it bigger and rolled up the legs etc??

I was taught to appreciate what I had and that we are judged by our actions, not by what we wear or what we own.
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Old 06-26-2010, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by jaysneed View Post
I was losing my child's clothing because my daughter would request to take home her dresses, I had to buy a new dress every other weekend because we attend church, keep in mind her mother has never sent back the dresses or with clothing for her visit, no fav toy/book medications etc.
How old is your daughter? Ask her to leave the dress at daddy's for the next visit and put the clothes that she came with back on when she goes home. If she really loves the dresses then say next time you come over we can put it on.
Have you asked your ex to return the dresses/clothes?
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