Urgently need advice on Child Support issues

[tia]

When my son went to live with his dad, a court ordered agreement was issued with regards to custody, support and access. Since this time, I experienced unstable employment, as well as considerable financial loss, largely due to the impact of my second marriage ending and me being very naive about my rights. I couldn't seem to catch up. My ex and I had verbal agreements about altering what I should pay. He was friendly (for once) and since he made considerably more money then me and had a standard of living far above mine, it seemed logical to me that he grant me this. Plus, when the child support laws changed in 1997, I did not enforce a variance. My husband and I made good money and the ex and his wife just had a baby - seemed like the right thing to do to not take another $200 a month from him. So I figured we were square.

Now that I have been steadily employed for two years and have a boyfriend living with me, he wants all arrears caught up. I received a "draft order" from my lawyers office requesting the arrears paid up to the amount in the court order, child support while he is in university (even though he lives in Thunder Bay) and proportionate to income participation in his university costs. My son is in business, wanting to get a CMA designation and possibly going into law, so he'll be there awhile. I suspect he will go for a variance in the child support amount on the order to bring it to my current income.

The bottom line is this. If I add the monthly repayment amount on the arrears, plus the child support, plus the university costs, plus the $400 a month I spend on gas to commute to work, and the cost of a new car for me to continue doing so (my car is 11 years old - 370K on it), I am in a deficit position. That's before any living expenses. That's before he applies for any variance. Plus, he may ask for retroactive proportionate payment for things like braces that I didn't contribute to.

He is a very cruel person who has manipulated my son into doing things he doesn't want to do, all in the interest of money. His parents are the same - dysfunctional and ruthless. He will not cut me any slack.

I have a lawyer appointment Mar 4. I realize from reading these posts that I have been very naive and that I need to do my homework before I go in there. I feel like my lawyer is not going to fight for me. Her office called and said to come with a cheque for her anticipated fee and a cheque for the arrears. Nothing else said. Then I get the draft order in the mail.

I need to know what I have to pay. And I need to know what would happens if I got laid off, as this is a definite looming possibility. I have read all I can on the government sites, but they are not helpful with regards to special circumstances and injustice.

I'm also concerned about any liability my boyfriend may have.

Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated! And soon! Through two divorces with cunning individuals, I've lost everything and crawled my way back twice. I don't want to do it again.

[Suchislife]

My ex and I had verbal agreements about altering what I should pay.

[i]If all you had was a verbal agreement altering a Court Order you've made a mistake. With nothing in writing it just looks like you didn't pay your ordered support.

He was friendly (for once) and since he made considerably more money then me and had a standard of living far above mine, it seemed logical to me that he grant me this. Plus, when the child support laws changed in 1997, I did not enforce a variance. My husband and I made good money and the ex and his wife just had a baby - seemed like the right thing to do to not take another $200 a month from him. So I figured we were square.

[i]This is just confusing.
He made more money, but you and your husband made good money...
You still have to pay your child support based on YOUR income regardless.

Now that I have been steadily employed for two years and have a boyfriend living with me, he wants all arrears caught up. I received a "draft order" from my lawyers office requesting the arrears paid up to the amount in the court order, child support while he is in university (even though he lives in Thunder Bay) and proportionate to income participation in his university costs. My son is in business, wanting to get a CMA designation and possibly going into law, so he'll be there awhile. I suspect he will go for a variance in the child support amount on the order to bring it to my current income.

You can be ordered to contribute to your son's Uni Education. He doesn't have to live at home for CS to continue.
I don't understand how you can receive a DRAFT ORDER from your lawyer.
Your EX can request that the arrears be paid. You do have the right to a fair re-payment schedule.Do you have a court date to get this sorted?

The bottom line is this. If I add the monthly repayment amount on the arrears, plus the child support, plus the university costs, plus the $400 a month I spend on gas to commute to work, and the cost of a new car for me to continue doing so (my car is 11 years old - 370K on it), I am in a deficit position. That's before any living expenses. That's before he applies for any variance. Plus, he may ask for retroactive proportionate payment for things like braces that I didn't contribute to.

This is unfortunate but a reality for many people. You don't say whether the original court order is registered with FRO but if it is by law they can't take any more than 50% of your income.


Your boyfriend is not liable for your CS payments and arrears.
It's not unusual for your lawyer to want her cheque upfront.
If you don't have the arrears money right now I'm not sure why YOUR lawyer is asking for a cheque. Hopefully on March 4th you'll get some help with your predicament.

[DHydomako]

We are common law for 15 years now my names on the house,vehicles and i pay tax,insurance on house also but was told to just leave with nuttin where do i go to get a agreement started on this,thanks all she does make more money than i do at this point.

[tia]

Thanks for the reply.

I received a letter along with a court order with the words draft on it. My lawyer refers to it as a draft order in her letter. It appears that the ex is registering the order with the fro. My lawyer says to look it over before our meeting on Mar 4. That is helpful for me to know that if it registered with rfo they can't take more than 50% of my pay, however, the arrears is to be paid in full now and that monthly repayment cost on top of the fro enforcement will be ridiculous. First he just asked for the arrears. I said I'd get a loan and pay it. I didn't know at that time he would demand child support in addition to university costs. My ex told me he just wanted university costs. Maybe if I don't pay the arrears as a lump sum payment now, it can get lumped with what is registered with the fro and my monthly cost would be limited to the 50% of my pay.

do you know what would happen if I got laid off. (very possible at the moment)

Oh, the part you thought was confusing on my husband and i "making good money" - I was just explaining that when my son lived with me, my ex underpaid me for a number of years. I never increased the court ordered amount to be equal to the provincial guidelines when the laws changed. Nor did I request any other money for special expenses, extracurricular, etc. So when husband #2 and I split and son went to his dad's (husband #1) he didn't charge me what he could have either. But now he's coming back for it.

My lawyer says I can't go back and ask for the difference between the court ordered amount of support I was paid and the amount that the provincial guidelines stated. She says it's past the time limit. But from what I've read there is no time limit. But he did pay according to the order so maybe that would stand as is. I don't know.

[Suchislife]

Tia:
It's still a mystery to me as to how a draft order was even drafted w/o your participation.

That said, if a support deduction order is registered with the FRO you will be bound to them for a long time and enforcement actions can be taken against you for support arrears. Automatic deductions will be made on your wages.

The good thing is you will be asked to make a voluntary re-payment schedule. If you fail to do this you will have a default hearing in front of a Judge. You will be assisted in sorting out your payments.
Still, at a maximum they can deduct 50%. If 35% of your wages covered the ordered support then the remaining 15% would go towards knocking your arrears down.

Hopefully you'll find out more at your appointment. I personally find it strange that you're being asked for a cheque for arrears. Even if this issue went in front of a Judge you are able to work out a re-payment plan based on all factors and the Judge works out fair amounts.

[tia]

Do you know how a "draft" order becomes finalized?

What if my income changes after the terms of repayment are established.

[Suchislife]

Tia, I'm sorry but this is all very confusing.
An order has to be enforced by a Judge.
If your financial situation changes it is up to you to alter an existing support order in court.

I simply do not understand where your lawyer's coming from.
Nor do I understand why you're being asked to immediately pay all the arrears.

You should be able to argue your case in front of the Judge.
If you thought you were square with your EX you should have your opportunity to state this and at least explain that you had verbal agreements.

Then a draft order is drafted then endorsed then filed with the court and sent to FRO unless you both consent to withdrawing from the FRO.

[tia]

Here is what has gone on. My ex asks for payment of arrears and financial disclosure too (as he is seeking university costs). We send a letter back saying ok, at so much a month for two years payable to him. He says no, he wants a lump sum in 30 days. I agreed and my lawyer sent a letter advising of this. We also asked to see his full tax return because his gross income is $115,00 but his line 150 or whatever is $65,000 (and he works for the school board). That obviously has an impact on what I pay. Also, my son won so many large scholarships and saved for school so there was a surplus this year of around $7,000 which I assumed would apply to next year. I'm guessing at the amount, as he refuses to disclose financial info on my son's schooling as well.

Then I see the "draft" saying I'll continue on child support which I had no clue about. I thought I stopped paying when he was in school and then I contributed to his school costs.

[tia]

I think my lawyer is trying to rush me. I need to understand and agree with what I'm participating in.

Thanks you for your input.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

If this is an adult child in post secondary school, then my understanding is that the support obligation continues relative to the scholarships, bursaries, personal summer income of the child, as well as both parents. As the adult child IS expected to contribute to their own costs at this point.

It no longer is a simple matter of CS tables relative to your income.
The custodial parents MUST also provide copies of school records and any financial assistance means as well as banking records, IE full financial disclosure of the child and other parent to determine how much you are responsible for, how much the child must contribute, and how much the custodial parent is to contribute.
It is not an automatic CS guideline amount any more.

Arrears are ALWAY a tricky issue as they can go either way depending on many factors, the judge you draw that day, the level of sliminess the custodial parents' lawyer is, etc, etc.