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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2017, 10:25 AM
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I am quite put off that the step father overstepped his bounds as well and has been signing off as my sons father to get him registered but that is a different topic.

Would like to know if extraordinary expenses for extra curricular activities means the costs to partake (travel, hotels, equip) or if it just the equipment and registration fee to be shared

I have talked to my son about hockey and what it entails and he said he would like to miss games to come see me but then he said his step dad throws a hissy fit and says mean things when he has to miss hockey to come for visits.
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Old 05-23-2017, 06:52 PM
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Well his step father doesn't have a choice. You are under no obligation to give up your time especially given the distance. Stand firm on the no and exercise your access. Maybe then they will get tired of paying for a sport he only plays half the time


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Old 05-23-2017, 07:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tandem80 View Post
I am quite put off that the step father overstepped his bounds as well and has been signing off as my sons father to get him registered but that is a different topic.
Yeah he's not helping the situation. He's not your co-parent. Your former spouse is. It should be stritcly a decisionmade by you and the other parent and he should stay out of it. The courts would agree with me on this one. It's actually case law. He just comes off as an insecure guy who's got his panties in a bunch.

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Originally Posted by Tandem80 View Post
Would like to know if extraordinary expenses for extra curricular activities means the costs to partake (travel, hotels, equip) or if it just the equipment and registration fee to be shared
It means all costs. If you offer to take child to hockey locally then you have essentially implied that hockey is a necessity for your children.


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I have talked to my son about hockey and what it entails and he said he would like to miss games to come see me but then he said his step dad throws a hissy fit and says mean things when he has to miss hockey to come for visits.
Keep letting him dig his own grave. Stand your ground. Don't give up time with your kids for something that duche wants your kids to be in. Tell your kids to tell him to be nice to him and not say mean things to him. Won't be long before your kids leave that dungeon and come with you full time.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:09 PM
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Alright then! They can keep paying for a sport my son will only partake in half of the time.

Once he is old enough to decide to not come see me because he doesn't want to miss his games (ugh, which is probably our destiny) then I will have to ask for make up time with him and she can bring him every weekend (drop off and pick up) to me until missed time is made up. (She will be travelling hours every weekend for the next 8 yrs.) But this is their doing.

I certainly will NOT agree on a sport that I have to contribute to their gas and hotel costs. They should have thought about this though before registering him against our agreement. Now they are realizing the costs and pushing and threatening me to cave.

I almost paid for the registration and left all the additional costs on to her with the agreement he will miss playing every other weekend. But if I do that I am consenting to all the costs the future after she hooks me into it..right?

I would love to tell her husband to back off and get his own kids but I am also remarried and that's like saying the same to my wife, although she doesn't overstep boundaries with my ex...for example wouldn't do a pedicure with my daughter or take her to the movie beauty and the beast until she experienced it with her mother first. He is a douche (every second word he says is an f-bomb). But at the end of the day he does have a big hand in raising my children and I won't be starting conflict with him.

My son does want to play baseball...but they told him he doesn't get to play spring/summer sports because they spend enough time and money on him for hockey.

I'm a deadbeat cause I don't agree that hockey is necessary. We love watching the games together what kid doesn't want to be a hockey star? I wanted to play as a kid but had 4 other siblings parents couldn't make the commitment nor pay for it. I got to play for one year.

I'm ok...It didn't end my world.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:16 PM
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You're not a deadbeat for opposing hockey. she's a deadbeat for signing up kid for activities during your time. is it something your kid truly enjoys? do you have something more fun for you guys to do on weekends? if child loves activity then in that case you could not only take her on your weekends.. but also show up on their weekends to support your kids. but I read child only goes to please her step dad.

if your kid doesnt like hockey then sign up for baseball and tell them to take to baseball on their time.

I don't want you to make a decision that is going to hurt your relationship with your kids. your ultimate and long term goal is to get your kids full time.. The battle doesn't end until you die. you could still take kid to hockey but not pay a dime. Taking child to activity and paying are 2 seperate issues. I would hope you would have read that in my threads. in my case however, child absolutely hates the activity so I will not attend.

here they just want to use you for your money. they're both deadbeats.

take as much time you need to decide. but whatever you decide.. just know that there is absolutely no legal obligation of you to pay especially as they did not follow the court order. take your time and don't pay a dime. they can use child support to pay. You're already paying them more than you should have to by paying child support. you are far from being classified as a deadbeat.
you could however buy skates and equipment as gifts if child truly enjoys.

Last edited by trinton; 05-23-2017 at 08:34 PM.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:29 PM
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No my ex tells me I am a deadbeat.

Yes he enjoys hockey but it really is impossible for me with my career to commit to it. I quite consistently work 6 days a week 10+ hours. My work tries to give me Saturdays and Sundays off for the kids but driving hours on end the only time I get to see my kids does not sound like enjoyable quality time with the other 3 children.

I offered to take him once on my weekend cause he played an hour from my residence but they said no they will pick him up and bring him back to me. That ended up in him not going at all because I said if I couldn't take him then he won't be going as it was my access weekend. With that said most all of his games are 3-4 hour drive one way from my residence and it's both Sat and Sundays. Honestly with the support I pay and ortho I don't have much left to put out in all the travel myself.

I tried to muddle through your posts (on my phone). Think I'll get on the computer later to have a better look.
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:33 PM
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My partners ex decides what activities the kids should be in, tells my partner nothing and then tells him he has to pay.

Now in her court filing shes claiming he refuses s7 expenses, is a deadbeat and therefore she should have absolute control over all decisions without his input.

Unreasonable people will always exist, hopefully your kids see through this and still choose to have a relationship with you. Hold strong!!
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:41 PM
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No my ex tells me I am a deadbeat.
LOL. Don't worry about what she says. nobody cares. I sure don't. What she tells you says more about her then it does about you.

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Originally Posted by Tandem80 View Post
Yes he enjoys hockey but it really is impossible for me with my career to commit to it. I quite consistently work 6 days a week 10+ hours. My work tries to give me Saturdays and Sundays off for the kids but driving hours on end the only time I get to see my kids does not sound like enjoyable quality time with the other 3 children.

I offered to take him once on my weekend cause he played an hour from my residence but they said no they will pick him up and bring him back to me. That ended up in him not going at all because I said if I couldn't take him then he won't be going as it was my access weekend. With that said most all of his games are 3-4 hour drive one way from my residence and it's both Sat and Sundays. Honestly with the support I pay and ortho I don't have much left to put out in all the travel myself.
Lol don't give up your time to them. It's your parenting time do whatever hell you want.

but I fear they are trying to paint visits with you as boring..since the kids don't get to go to hockey on your time

You have to find a way to make weekends with you more fun than hockey weekends with them.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2017, 08:42 PM
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Wow! Sounds like my situation. She says I refuse section 7 as well and wants court to change the agreement that she doesn't need my consent either.

Funny thing is I have emails of her whining about me not paying for this and that so I asked for costs and receipts and she tells me her lawyer has them. What good is that?

Hmmm, ok so I don't even get a chance to contribute to those because I say no to hockey. This is alllll over hockey and the only sport I ever hear of.

Guess providing health benefits for the kids, glasses and braces don't count as contributions to S7!

It's funny how she sees section 7 as sports only. Doesn't see the big picture of getting $24,000 in support per year and 88% of the costs of the total ortho bill of $26/27,000 as me contributing and I am just a deadbeat that fights her with everything:smh:
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Old 05-23-2017, 08:43 PM
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Now in her court filing shes claiming he refuses s7 expenses, is a deadbeat and therefore she should have absolute control over all decisions without his input.
Well that's lame. It actually shows she's intentionally creating conflict to oppose joint custody.

Quote:
In the Lewis case, I expressed my views as to the advantages of a joint custody order. One of the common complaints of the access parent in a sole custody regime is that the custodial parent will announce at the last minute that a particular access visit conflicts with other plans made for the child, such as a family visit or a sport activity, and unilaterally decide that the access parent must accept another time “to visit” under the threat of not seeing the child at all.

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I cannot agree with the suggestion that a sole custody order which entrusts all legal decision making in the hands of one parent will necessarily minimize the conflict between them. Parents who declare war on one another will continue to battle whatever order the court makes.

Quote:
This is not to suggest that there may not be conflicting legal duties and responsibilities in a joint custody regime that will have to be resolved occasionally by the courts. In my experience, these problems are far outweighed by the frequent applications that are made to the court in those instances where sole custody has been granted. Joint custody orders are more apt to encourage the parents to co-operate than sole custody orders. The philosophy that joint custody orders can and should only be made whenever the parties are prepared to co-operate fully in every aspect of child rearing only encourages parents to refuse to co-operate so that they can pursue a sole custody order.

looking for case law that one parent cant intentionally create conflict by witholing their cooperation

Last edited by trinton; 05-23-2017 at 09:02 PM.
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