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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #81 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2009, 03:05 PM
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with respect to child support, don't you put terms of ending the support when agreeing to pay it?
for anyone else who migh know, I made $30K more than usual (just this past year due to significant OT). My regular salary is 90K and my ex-wife who makes over 80K is now requesting spousal support. I have been paying child support for 1 year now and we are still in the process of negotiating our agreement.
Any thoughts?
  #82 (permalink)  
Old 05-04-2009, 06:46 PM
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I don't see the necessity of her need for SS when she is making 80K. Obviously she is able to support herself and would hope that courts would see that. As for an end date, I would absolutely try to incorporate an end date of 18 or end of secondary school, adding the clause that child support is agreed to be reviewed thereafter, providing proof of full time school is provided to you and based on the financial needs of the child, cost & length of schooling and seriousness of course being pursued. I would most definitely include these in your agreement. Talk to a lawyer thru Law Society of Upper Canada list...they'll provide you a lawyer to talk to for 1/2 hr for $6.00. Worth the money.
  #83 (permalink)  
Old 05-23-2009, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by phoenix View Post
OK... the url has been banned... please email me at and I can put you in touch with a very supportive group of women experiencing divorce
Hi there, how do I email you please... I would like a bit of help if possible,
thank you,
Edun
  #84 (permalink)  
Old 08-20-2009, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by wildrose View Post
I agree with you Denisem, it is "priceless" - but women who work full-time jobs do all those things too ... don't they?


I am not sure how you figure that? Women with children that work full-time have daycare raise their children, they eat fast food and in restaurants more than stay at home moms, they have the drycleaners do their ironing and most that I know have someone come in to clean the house once every couple of weeks. If you are working full time you are not raising your children and attending all of their activities because you don't have time. As my children were growing up and going to school, I was attending their schools two or three times a week to volunteer whether it be helping in class or being a volunteer on field trips, whatever. Working full time would have not allowed me that option. My ex travelled three weeks out of four and I was home to get the kids to 5pm hockey and figure skating practice, I was there to pick them up at school for dental and doctor appointments and I was able to see that they had the extras that many of their friends didn't have because their friends were from double income families and timing was an issue. I not only took my own children to different functions but I also volunteered to take those children whose parents couldn't get home from work in time. So don't tell me that women who work full time do the same things as stay at home moms. And women who work full time spend approx. 3 hours per day if that, with their children because they are too busy trying to be supermom and earn an income as well.
I wonder why you would feel that way? And to say that working moms don't cook and don't iron clearly showcases your own laziness. Are we to assume you are able to cook and clean and drive your kids around only because you have no other responsibilities?

My father was a single dad, he raised me and my younger sister all by himself, all of our lives, he never remarried. He cooked, cleaned, ironed our clothes, he baked weekly and he canned seasonal fruits and vegetables so that our pantry was always full of home made jams, compots, etc. He made our lunches every day and made sure we had our snacks ready when we came home, before he did. He drove us to swimming, threw birthday parties, helped with our homework, attended school functions and sports events.

Your view and bias clearly shows how lazy you are, you can't even imagine having all those responsibilities, meeting them and still working full time. How sad for you and your family.
  #85 (permalink)  
Old 10-28-2009, 09:13 PM
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OB1 may have stated his point too strongly and not as diplomatically as possible, but I have to agree that indefinate spousal support is unfair...there has to be some expectation that you will become gainfully employed and support yourself...or at the very least, contribute to your support.

I think a very fair solution would be for the "enriched" spouse (in this case your husband) to pay (or partially pay, again, you should contribute) for a college diploma or a three year degree (no masters or Phd..this would be excessive)...this would allow time and means to provide future support for yourself. However in this case, he himself, is not working...at 52, I think that he could find a job...especially since he is obviously educated and/or experienced enough to command a very good salary...but maybe he has decided to retire now...and if I had the means that you state he has, perhaps I would too...

Also, what did you do with your half of the settlement of property? Why not use that to go back to school...(you didn't tell us your age, but I am guessing that you may be around the same age or even a little younge)r...lots of time for a new career...I should know...I start my brand new career on Monday...and i am 46)...you could even start a business and there is plenty of support, grants and loans for this...

You may be LEGALLY entitled to indefinate support, but what is legal is not always what is right or fair.
  #86 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2010, 09:20 AM
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The whole - "she's trying to screw me over" theme in divorce is wearing thin. After 17 years as a "stay at home" mom of three(always had part-time work making up to $10,000 per year to help out) I found myself at 42, in a small town looking for a job. My ex's career of 16 years was bringing in over $100,000(plus overtime which we agreed he could keep). Let's not get into details of kids and new girlfriends etc. but suffice it to say that he wanted to be rid of his "old" life and on with the new. The fact is I gave up two permanent "career" type jobs early in our marriage because it didn't seem that we could handle two working parents and raising kids. It was an agreement. I am happy to have had the opportunity to have. I enrolled in university two years ago and before the end of my first year my ex lost his job. What to do? Give up support while he and his wife get on their feet.(his unemployment was twice what my new husband and I make together). I understand that his need for money surpasses mine and have only asked for 10% of his former income(he now makes $150,000), 10% child support, no medical, no split pension, no half of his $50,000 severance pay, nothing else. The point is, no matter what I do he does not understand the underlying issue - at 42 I was left with the ability to make minimum wage, IF I could even get hired due to my age while he was left with 16 years experience gaining him a supervisory position of $100,000 followed by a current Manager position of $150,000. The law uses the word "compensatory" - not for the rest of my life, but for a reasonable time(I was asking for 8 years) to get a Master's and get on my feet. New husband? So what? Why should I enter a new marriage as a liability. My ex has a new wife but no one is expecting her income & assets to be included in the formula. We actually all have a good relationship and have been working at compromises for several years now. I feel stuck as my ex believes that since I'm remarried and he stopped support when he lost his last job that there's no need to reinstate it. He's committed to child support for which I am grateful. I have really tried to imagine myself in his shoes and I can honestly say there's no way I would want to see him living with his new partner on one fifth of the income my partner and I were living on. Not all women are out to get "free money" or "suck 'em dry" - it's about trying to equalize our lives as best as we are able. He works hard I know. I'm asking for 10%. Tell me I'm out of line.
  #87 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2010, 10:33 AM
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Lots of families maintain two jobs while raising kids. I'm not going to dispute or argue that that choice should preempt SS, but it's not like you couldn't do it.

You're 42. You have well over 20 working years left if you want.

I applaud your efforts to get back to school, but asking your ex to support you through a graduate degree while you are remarried is unreasonable. SS should end once you finish your undergraduate degree.

I don't see how you entered a new marriage as a liablility. On the contrary you are acquiring marketable skills with your education and you should have good prospects. Where's the liability? Furthermore, your new husband knew the score going in presumably.

After decades of obvious gender bias in the system there should be some tolerance for the "she's trying to screw me over" mentality. Unlike yourself there are lots of women/mothers out there who are vindictive and have taken advantage of that bias and made no effort to get themselves back on their feet.

Some of them, very sadly, have also denied their children access to their father. Although that's changing, a LOT of childhoods have come and gone in the last 30 or so years absent the father because the mother has been vindictive. I'd say that's a helluva a lot more of a loss for parent and child than a few years of SS. So please tolerate that sentiment a little.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 07-31-2010 at 10:35 AM.
  #88 (permalink)  
Old 07-31-2010, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by wildrose View Post
I agree with you Denisem, it is "priceless" - but women who work full-time jobs do all those things too ... don't they?


I am not sure how you figure that? Women with children that work full-time have daycare raise their children, they eat fast food and in restaurants more than stay at home moms, they have the drycleaners do their ironing and most that I know have someone come in to clean the house once every couple of weeks. If you are working full time you are not raising your children and attending all of their activities because you don't have time. As my children were growing up and going to school, I was attending their schools two or three times a week to volunteer whether it be helping in class or being a volunteer on field trips, whatever. Working full time would have not allowed me that option. My ex travelled three weeks out of four and I was home to get the kids to 5pm hockey and figure skating practice, I was there to pick them up at school for dental and doctor appointments and I was able to see that they had the extras that many of their friends didn't have because their friends were from double income families and timing was an issue. I not only took my own children to different functions but I also volunteered to take those children whose parents couldn't get home from work in time. So don't tell me that women who work full time do the same things as stay at home moms. And women who work full time spend approx. 3 hours per day if that, with their children because they are too busy trying to be supermom and earn an income as well.
This is from Great Dad's wife- Bonus Mom!
As a bonus mom who works full time plus, I cannot say how wrong you are about full times mom vs working mom's. It is alot harder for working mom's prior to the child being enrolled in school full time, but once children attend school full time, we all have the same responsibilities if not more for the working mother.... It's called time management and multi-tasking.
Working full time I've never missed my step son's functions and volunteered as coach and driving. My house is clean (lived in), the wash is done and yes... I consider myself a super bonus mom. My step son is my life and I have been so blessed to have had the opportunity to raise him as a parent with his biological mom and my husband his dad! Growing up I played on-line games with him, brought him to all his sports and paid for them with his dad. Although for many years his mother had full custody of him (although he was with us probably 50% of the time), he had what he needed at both homes without questions. I did the bed time stories, taught him to cook, paid for tutors .. what ever was in his best interest.

Teaching your children that you have to work for things in life is the best lesson's you can teach. I show him how to we have to pay bills, now that he's older and that you can buy a used car for a few thousand dollars or you can work and buy a newer car. Kids want to come home from school eat, do homework and play with there friends. They don't want to spend everynight hanging with their parents.

By the way I did everything you did working full time except for the ironing, I would just toss it back in the dryer for another 10 min then remove and fold or hang immediately.

I really don't think that you have the experience to speak on behalf of working mothers, as it appears you have never worked full time in your life.

BTW- I had a working mother who was also a full time mother! The best in the world and I thank God for her everyday. She taught me to be self-sufficient and to make my own way in the world. My husdand and I have been together for a very long time, not because I have to be, but because I want to be! My husband and stepson are my life and my job is a way to be a productive person in socitey, I hope I teach my stepson these lessons!
  #89 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2010, 03:41 AM
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Here we go again, First we are all Equal in the law, but now the mom is more special and deserves money so she can do th school and get a better job. Anything else you would like with that? How about you quit your school and start working so you can support yourself and your ex. He has no job. If you want to upgrade your skills start taking weekend or night school courses. women like you have screwed up the system and somehow feel that your ex should support you as long as you like AND you don't have to do anything in return. How is this equal? the law work in both ways. He was working making more money, he was paying. Now he is not working, so you need to pay him support. Why shouldn't you ? You like to have money paid to you but you don't like it when the table turns. Your ex is not there ti support your life style. How about you get a real life first, then get a job, then go to school part time. You are being completely unfair and unreasonable. People like you don;t deserve respect, because you don;t respect others but only think of your needs only. how can I have more for me and less for my ex? Please drop the act.
  #90 (permalink)  
Old 02-02-2011, 11:14 PM
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get a good JUNIOR lawyer and be prepared for the long fight. A good junior lawyer in a law firm gets advice from senior counsel and you are charged a lower rate. Don't call you lawyer all the time and be organized so you can keep costs down. Be prepared to prove everything you state in a concise manner. Try to keep emotions out of everything and just stick to the financial facts.... that is all the judges care about anyway.
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