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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 12:54 PM
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maybe you offer to take a minor reduction now, and increase reductions on a sliding scale?

If you got a job working 20hrs/wkx$7.50 hr, that would be $150/week gross, you should be able to reduce your support by even $250 a month to start.

Instead of fighting him and still expecting the FULL amount, which frankly, it sounds like you are just trying to punish him with now - and that's based only on your posts, which are all about how hard-done-by you are, how he 'cheated' you, and how much better his situation is now - really, he's been paying you $2000/month for what, 4 years? - You have more than gotten back whatever he 'cheated' you out of, which by the way, you agreed to ... anyway, I digress.

Doesn't it seem more fair to you to offer to work, part-time, subsidize your own lifestyle (regardless of what that is), and gradually move away from having him support you.

Also, do you really not recgonize the absurdity of stating that your CURRENT 'partner' cannot afford to support you, but that your EX partner and HIS WIFE should be support you, and all the while YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING YOURSELF????
Be an adult for crying out loud, get a job, even a lousy paying job, and stop EXPECTING your EX-husband to take care of you.

You already lived off his paycheque for 20 years - be grateful, lots of people (women and men) have to work both inside AND outside their home, raising children and running a household - and *gasp* having a full-time job as well ... you got off easy for 20 years, get off the gravy train, stop embarassing women who work their butt off to support ex-wives who can't be bothered to support themselves.

Now that you have managed to avoid supporting yourself for all these years, I can see why this is such a shock to you, but why don't you let him, and yes, even poor old you, get on with your lives - be a big person, offer to reduce it year over year - even at a reduction of $500 a month per year, it would still give you another 4 years of support, and really, at some point, shouldn't you just walk away???
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 01:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildrose
He has remarried and his spouse has an income of approx. $70,000. He is supporting his new wife's two adult children who are not paying room and board to live with them. These two children are currently unemployed.

Don't you think that at $70,000 per year she is supporting her own children?? I know that's likely a novel idea for you - since you seem to believe your ex is a bank, but I would say that at her salary, she is capable of supporting herself, and her own children - sounds like sour grapes to me.

Besides, really, according to the logic presented by the idea of spousal support, she really shouldn't have to work at all - he should be forced to compeltely support her - afterall, he's the man, he has a job/small business - why should his wife work?

Ridiculous when you hear it like that, eh?
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 01:17 PM
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I'm not even going to quantify your response with an answer. If there are any "sour grapes" I'm thinking you own the vineyard.
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 02:30 PM
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Wildrose, I tried to send you a message but you have disabled receiving emails in your profile.

Right or wrong, black, white or grey area, we are all going through the same process here and there is no manual on what is fair for each party. We are all coming from different sides in the divorce battle and certain comments can touch peoples nerves. It has happened to me also. Please do not take it to heart, it is not meant as a personal attack(I hope). Sorry to hear you are having such problems, I definitely know where you are coming from.

I find this board fantastic for legal advice, but as for divorce support, I think other sites may be better suited to the details. If you find one, I would love to know about it!
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 02:50 PM
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What the heck is going on here....I am very shocked by some of the comments.
A women or man who stays home for 20 years, cooking, cleaning, caring, raising children and loving your partner is priceless.

When one is trying to better themselves that is wonderful. Someday she will not need support.

Good luck with everything.
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 02:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by independentgal
Wildrose, I tried to send you a message but you have disabled receiving emails in your profile.

Right or wrong, black, white or grey area, we are all going through the same process here and there is no manual on what is fair for each party. We are all coming from different sides in the divorce battle and certain comments can touch peoples nerves. It has happened to me also. Please do not take it to heart, it is not meant as a personal attack(I hope). Sorry to hear you are having such problems, I definitely know where you are coming from.

I find this board fantastic for legal advice, but as for divorce support, I think other sites may be better suited to the details. If you find one, I would love to know about it!


Hello and thank you for your response. I have now activated my email. Sorry, didn't know it wasn't working.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 02:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denisem
What the heck is going on here....I am very shocked by some of the comments.
A women or man who stays home for 20 years, cooking, cleaning, caring, raising children and loving your partner is priceless.

When one is trying to better themselves that is wonderful. Someday she will not need support.

Good luck with everything.

Seems to be that the general opinion on this board is that those things are meaningless. I am not surprised though that the majority of those responses are from men that are paying support.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denisem
A women or man who stays home for 20 years, cooking, cleaning, caring, raising children and loving your partner is priceless.
I agree with you Denisem, it is "priceless" - but women who work full-time jobs do all those things too ... don't they?
Yet, they don't expect to be compensated at the end of a marriage for doing so - raising your kids and keeping a home is not a job, it's a part of real life.
That's my point about that.

Spousal support as 'compensation' is a ludicious idea - it's a wonderful thing if both partners make a decision for a mom to be home to raise the kids - however, once a relationship breaks down, there likely isn't enough money to allow that to continue, there just isn't.
However, lots of women seem to use that as an excuse to punish their ex - who is still working hard in many cases ... this just isn't fair.
Not working for your whole adult life, and living off someone else's earnings and then using the excuse that you have never worked, so you can't be expected to support yourself reeks of double dipping to me.

And refusing to go out to work, citing low wages as an excuse is pitiful - contributing anything is better than contributing nothing - we don't feel pity for welfare recipients who choose not to work and live off society, but for some reason we are expected to pity women who have never had to go out to work a day in their lives, and are now choosing not to ... it defies logic.

As far as staying home, raising kids, taking care of your house, that apparently isn't priceless for Wildroses ex - it STILL costs him $2000 a month, whether he has a steady income or not - even though his kids are grown and his ex is capable of working - just prefers not to. That's the whole point here.

In regards to the 'sour grapes in my own vineyard' comment, not at all. *I* have a full-time job, I support myself, my ex contributes ONLY to support of our children, and I can look both myself and my kids straight in the eye and be proud of who I am and how I live my life.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 04:00 PM
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I agree with you Denisem, it is "priceless" - but women who work full-time jobs do all those things too ... don't they?


I am not sure how you figure that? Women with children that work full-time have daycare raise their children, they eat fast food and in restaurants more than stay at home moms, they have the drycleaners do their ironing and most that I know have someone come in to clean the house once every couple of weeks. If you are working full time you are not raising your children and attending all of their activities because you don't have time. As my children were growing up and going to school, I was attending their schools two or three times a week to volunteer whether it be helping in class or being a volunteer on field trips, whatever. Working full time would have not allowed me that option. My ex travelled three weeks out of four and I was home to get the kids to 5pm hockey and figure skating practice, I was there to pick them up at school for dental and doctor appointments and I was able to see that they had the extras that many of their friends didn't have because their friends were from double income families and timing was an issue. I not only took my own children to different functions but I also volunteered to take those children whose parents couldn't get home from work in time. So don't tell me that women who work full time do the same things as stay at home moms. And women who work full time spend approx. 3 hours per day if that, with their children because they are too busy trying to be supermom and earn an income as well.
  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-25-2007, 04:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildrose
I agree with you Denisem, it is "priceless" - but women who work full-time jobs do all those things too ... don't they?


I am not sure how you figure that? Women with children that work full-time have daycare raise their children, they eat fast food and in restaurants more than stay at home moms, they have the drycleaners do their ironing and most that I know have someone come in to clean the house once every couple of weeks. If you are working full time you are not raising your children and attending all of their activities because you don't have time. As my children were growing up and going to school, I was attending their schools two or three times a week to volunteer whether it be helping in class or being a volunteer on field trips, whatever. Working full time would have not allowed me that option. My ex travelled three weeks out of four and I was home to get the kids to 5pm hockey and figure skating practice, I was there to pick them up at school for dental and doctor appointments and I was able to see that they had the extras that many of their friends didn't have because their friends were from double income families and timing was an issue. I not only took my own children to different functions but I also volunteered to take those children whose parents couldn't get home from work in time. So don't tell me that women who work full time do the same things as stay at home moms. And women who work full time spend approx. 3 hours per day if that, with their children because they are too busy trying to be supermom and earn an income as well.
Nice generalization.

But wrong.

I do ALL those things - AND work full-time.
Most of the working moms I know do too ... we don't have cleaning ladies, or nannies, or "let daycares raise our kids" - we are responsible, CONTRIBUTING members of society.
I drop my kids off at school in the morning, pick them up less than 2 hours after school gets out each day - take them to their extra-curricular activities, doctor appts, dentist appts, and NEVER feed them fast food during the week.
According to you, those 2 hours a day - or 10 hours a week that don't I spend with my kids are worth $2000 a month to you.
Interesting, I should see if I can find anyone OTHER than our perverse family law system that agrees with that theory.

Better question is this - you say your kids are grown now, and you don't even see them ... how do you possibly justitfy not working now? I read your feeble excuses above about the past, but am more curious about your current situaton.

It has also not gone unnoticed by me that you refuse to even acknowledge any comments that you can't try to talk your way out of ... such as your exes current wife supporting her own children, or why you can't work part time at the very least, and start actually becoming self-sufficient instead of just talking about it.

My personal experience tells me that supporting yourself, and being independent has many more rewards than living off of someone else's hard work ... give it a try, it might not be as bad as you imagine!
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