Stay at home moms

[imarketing0]

If you were a stay at home mom and are now divorced what steps have you taken to improve your financial situation.

Are you returning to wokr? To college? I'm curious to know what steps other moms have taken to get on their feet.

[hubby]

My friends wife, is an at home mommy ... with impending seperation around the corner, she is actively looking for employment.

You have to look at your situation, what skill set do can you use in the market place? Can this sustain your current lifestyle? Going for an education to acquire a new career to better support youself is an option.

It comes down to this. If you are a middle income or below type of person, Divorce means this ... financial hardship, for a period of time.

Like anything in life, you adjust and if you can capitalize on career opportunities ... all the better.

Here is a little fact. Many people seem to find 'financial' success in their older years. This is a fact attributable to many factors ... maturity, experience, redirection of ones energy or focus and others. So, in essance, financial success can happen before, during or after a marriage.

The universe has an abundance of money to give, you merely need ask for it and if your request is for good intentions ... it shall be granted.

Also, look at this as an opportunity to re-evaluate your LIFE and make a decision what you want to do and where you want to GO.

Remember, 'to get on ones feet' --- requires the decision to do so and the action to make it so.

Hubby

[sasha1]

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers. I have not attempted to go to work for several reasons; first and foremost, my kids would not adjust well to it. They are only two years old, and are having a tough enough time with all the changes and stress in the house, and are so insecure. Daycare would only serve to add to that; and I didn't have kids so someone else could raise them. Besides that, with my current education, I would likely only earn enough to pay for the cost of daycare and have about $200 a month left over.

I've asked my ex to consider paying tuition for me to attend a 2 year diploma program that would help me to earn a better living, but he says it's not his responsibility. The stupid thing is that with me working, he would eventually benefit financially, as his child support payments would decrease. However, he feels that keeping the kids and I in dire financial straits is the best way to control me. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, huh?

[imarketing0]

Originally Posted by sasha1

I'm a SAHM to two toddlers. I have not attempted to go to work for several reasons; first and foremost, my kids would not adjust well to it. They are only two years old, and are having a tough enough time with all the changes and stress in the house, and are so insecure. Daycare would only serve to add to that; and I didn't have kids so someone else could raise them. Besides that, with my current education, I would likely only earn enough to pay for the cost of daycare and have about $200 a month left over.

I've asked my ex to consider paying tuition for me to attend a 2 year diploma program that would help me to earn a better living, but he says it's not his responsibility. The stupid thing is that with me working, he would eventually benefit financially, as his child support payments would decrease. However, he feels that keeping the kids and I in dire financial straits is the best way to control me. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face, huh?

Sorry to hear all that. And my ex would say the same thing to me; that it isn't his responsibility to help pay for tuition even though as you say he would benefit in the end.

[carlie]

Somehow over the years my husband now has his own checking account, savings accounts, credit cards etc. How is one affected financially or in a divorce if these accounts are separate. Is it better and in what way to have these accounts together. I now realize that it is better to havethem together for communication and to know what may be going on, but also are financial aspects divided up any differently from having the same as opposed to separate accounts? The house is together. Thanks in advance

[carlie]

Somehow over the years my husband now has his own checking account, savings accounts, credit cards etc. How is one affected financially or in a divorce if these accounts are separate. Is it better and in what way to have these accounts together. I now realize that it is better to havethem together for communication and to know what may be going on, but also are financial aspects divided up any differently from having the same as opposed to separate accounts? The house is together. Thanks in advance

PS: How do you post a quick reply? I do not see the icons above they mention to post a quick reply. thanks

[Lindsay]

carlie,

You may quick reply by clicking on the little pen and paper button at the bottom right-hand corner of the post. That will drop you down to the bottom of the page and allow you to type in the message box.

Lindsay

[Sk8r]

The SAHM is a dilemna to me...if you were still married and your family faced financial hardship, would you go to work? Of course you would. You would do whatever was necessary to provide for your children. And yet when it comes to divorce, many SAHM's insist that it is owed to them to be able to continue their lifestyle as if nothing ever happened. Life isn't like that. Divorce isn't like that. A marriage is a partnership in which one spouse agreed to be the financial provider and the other one agreed to be the "caregiver". With the end of the partnership, so ends the agreement.

I am not saying that spousal support should not be awarded - I think it should. But it should be time bound and the goal should be for the recipient partner to become self sufficient. I hear about mom's who stayed home for 5 years and expect to be supported for the rest of their lives. This makes absolutely no sense to me.

OK SAH mom's - flame away!

I am a divorced mother of 2 and I have always been required to work to help to support my family. You do what you have to.

[Grace]

Sk8r,

I wont throw flames at you as I am also a working Mom. I'm with you that spousal support shouldn't be looked on as a long term arrangement, in short term marriages. I can see it being paid while the spouse earns a diploma or given some time to get on their feet and find suitable daycare and employment. It's not to be a life time pension .

Long term marriages I think its different. If a spouse has stayed home their whole life and all of a sudden finds themselves on their own after 25 years of marriage and employment looking grim in their senior years, than yes I can see spousal support being long term.

[carlie]

The fact that someone stayed home may have affected some careers and probably most to a certain degree, especially with rapidly changing info and workplaces. one has to play catch up while going thru a very difficult situation. This is individual and not the same for all. If you fare well, that's great. All circumstances are not the same. The legal system never takes everything into account, most times, and society is not that sympathetic to the betrayed spouse, especially over the long term, although this is a life changing situation. Especially where abuse has occured, long term support is necesary, fair and ethical.