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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 04-16-2017, 11:01 AM
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Default SS/CS and STBX on LTD

I am new to this and looking for advice from those have been through similar. Ex and I have 3 children. I worked part time while kids were young (almost 10 years part time off and on) and ex worked full time advancing his career while mine remained stagnant and did not move forward. We have the same employer and job etc. I don't regret staying home one bit and was a family choice at the time. Fast forward a few years and ex has been off work and on LTD. I work full time and make good money but career movement is done. On paper I make 30 percent more than he does but for some reason our take home money is the same. He is a bully and wants me to take a little bit from the house and leave. Says our pensions are the same and I will owe him spousal support and child support. I stayed home and sacrificed and now I owe him spousal? Child support is a given but I do have the kids more but he refuses to acknowledge that. The teenagers prefer to stay with me and we don't enforce the verbal agreement we have of days and times. They just stay where they want and its always with me and visit him when he guilts them so two nights out of 14 maybe. The younger child cannot stay alone so he goes to his dads but only when I work. Ex makes sure every moment I am off work (like from the minute) I have the child in order to control my every move. Even during my holidays in the summer. He said you are on holidays they are yours for its entirety. Kind of backwards from most parents I see who denies access, my ex is waiting in the car with them outside my work. So my question is...On tax returns if someone is on LTD why would his take home pay be the same but makes less on paper? If someone has a pension and works full time versus someone who works part time I am assuming there would be a huge discrepancy in the pensions. Keep in mind we have same employer. I am not sure of LTD and pensions etc. Do they still keep contributing?
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Old 04-16-2017, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by backinthesaddle View Post
ex worked full time advancing his career while mine remained stagnant and did not move forward.
Normally a clear case for compensatory spousal support.

Quote:
I don't regret staying home one bit and was a family choice at the time.
I wouldn't mind the multi-year vacation either.

Quote:
Fast forward a few years and ex has been off work and on LTD. I work full time and make good money but career movement is done. On paper I make 30 percent more than he does but for some reason our take home money is the same.
So much for spousal support.

Quote:
He is a bully and wants me to take a little bit from the house and leave. Says our pensions are the same and I will owe him spousal support and child support.
He might also want you to come over to brush his teeth and mow his lawn. Just because he says so doesn't mean it is true or that you must comply. Common advice on this site is as follows:

Don't take advice from your ex or from your ex's lawyer

Maybe he has needs based spousal support, but that is hardly guaranteed. Child support flows from the custody arrangements which I will get to in a second.

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I stayed home and sacrificed and now I owe him spousal?
I'm not saying that you owe spousal support. However, if you did, it would be based on need. However, if his take home pay is the same as yours, I would be hard pressed to see where he has need and you have means. If he was making $20k a year on disability and you were making $120k a year from your job, then I might see some possible obligation. In this case, unlikely.

Don't take legal advice from your ex.

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Child support is a given but I do have the kids more but he refuses to acknowledge that. The teenagers prefer to stay with me and we don't enforce the verbal agreement we have of days and times. They just stay where they want and its always with me and visit him when he guilts them so two nights out of 14 maybe.
Document the actual time the kids stay with you. You will need that if it goes to court. If they stay with you 12 out of 14, then he owes you child support.

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The younger child cannot stay alone so he goes to his dads but only when I work.
So, this is looking like a split custody situation perhaps? 2 with you one with him? As a sidenote you can always stick the kid with babysitters if you want to make sure that you don't have to pay child support. Probably not necessary though, little kid sleeps with you, so you have custody. I don't think this is a split custody situation at all.

Quote:
Ex makes sure every moment I am off work (like from the minute) I have the child in order to control my every move. Even during my holidays in the summer. He said you are on holidays they are yours for its entirety. Kind of backwards from most parents I see who denies access, my ex is waiting in the car with them outside my work.
Some fathers deserve to get destroyed. When he starts paying you child support he is going to seriously regret that behaviour.

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So my question is...On tax returns if someone is on LTD why would his take home pay be the same but makes less on paper?
Taxable income vs non taxable income? I don't know. More importantly, how do you know what his take home pay is? Also, why do you care?

You are focusing on the wrong thing here. Document the time the kids spend with you for a few months, then go to court and get child support ordered. Don't worry about spousal support, they won't order it. Who cares about his take home pay? If some income is not taxable, it will be grossed up, so not a problem.

This is an easy slam dunk motion. You will not be paying money, you will be getting money.
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Old 04-16-2017, 02:24 PM
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Thanks. Basically most of what he says is bull@#%. A scare tactic to try and get me to come back if I think about finances. He has no need for my money. I walked away with my clothes, dignity and peace of mind and live pay to pay. He lives in a million dollar home with all the nice stuff I bought. Every time I asked for something he said I wasn't to be shopping at his house. I know what his pay is because we had joint accounts and could see what he made.I don't care now. I just couldn't understand why our take home monthly were the same yet on a T4 I made a lot more. He has no need for my money but is obviously vindictive. He has a 75k vehicle, cottage (inherited not mine), toys, big house, etc and I have 20 bucks in my bank account so telling me he will get me for CS and SS is a little stressful.
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Old 04-17-2017, 12:40 PM
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You didn't have to walk away with just your clothes. You didn't have to trade your share of a million dollar home for dignity and peace of mind. It sounds like you left recently. You can still fight for what's yours. He will not be entitled to SS from the sounds of it, and your current kid arrangement sounds like it could work out pretty even, so no CS. You need an agreement to specify times with each of you for your youngest.
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