Spousal Support Entitlement

[stressedby-X]

Wow! What a fantastic forum. If only I had this information a few years ago. I am looking for your input and personal experience regarding spousal support.

I’ll try to provide the short version. I was married for about 15 years and have two wonderful children. My husband and I jointly shared household and financial responsibilities. At about the 13 year marker my husband became depressed – drank – which subsequently ended in an assault. He was removed from the home by the police.

I currently reside in the matrimonial home. It is paid for. I do not receive or have never received support. At the time of our parting he made about 45K and I made 80K. Since our parting I have continued to increase my earning, while he on the other hand walked off his job of 22 years seven months after our separation. His employer was willing to stand by and support him while he sorted himself out (and I have this letter). In the last three years he has not looked for employment and has only worked sporadically under the table doing odd jobs.

At our last appearance before the judge his lawyer brought up the issue of spousal support. Which was the first I had heard of this. He initially agreed to accept a large portion of the equalization payment in cash with the remainder for child support over time – but flip flops depending on the day.

So I guess my questions is: What constitutes a need for support? The wording appears very vague. Is their anything else I can do to demonstrate that there is not a need? He did stand up when we were in front on the judge that “there is not anything wrong with him and that he can work”. However, my lawyer tells me this is not admissible if we go to trial.

Has anyone asked at this point for a third party mediator to help move things along? I have the feeling both lawyers are digging in their heels and since I am the only one with money have the most to lose at trial.

Any ideas and information would be welcome

[stressedby-X]

Okay since I haven't had any response I'll try to be more to the point.....What constitutes a need for support? The wording appears very vague. Is their anything else I can do to demonstrate that there is not a need?

[standing on the sidelines]

okay you say your husband is depressed so that will work against you. You made more money then him and live in the paid for home. I am not sure what his assets are but I am thinking that he doesn't have much. If he is under some sort of medical care for the depression then the judge will put more weight to his claim. You saying that he is capable of working but you have to be able to prove it. I think the burden of proof will be one him though.

Does the amount he want seem unreasonable? If it was only a short term thing like 5 years or so, could you live with it? Remember both sides have to give a little in order to get an agreement.

I know you are thinking that if he just got his act together he could work. If he is suffering from depression that isn't so easy. If he is drinking on top of the depression then that is even worse.

Hopefully you can get him to sign something that you are both agreeable to before he flip flops again. Good luck.

[stressedby-X]

Thanks for the quick reply.
I think this one of the chicken and egg problems. I think the beginning problem was depression but then resorted to alcohol - which is what I see the main problem. I do not believe he has seen his doctor in the last two years - and does not take any medication. Do you think alcohol would be a reason not to work and be a disability? Should my lawyer not ask for medical documentation of a disability? If he is disabled shy has he not requested any government support which would give him some income?

I guess my problem is I was assaulted and now have to pay spousal support that I have the problem with - only in Canada. On top of that he has not pay any child support at all or even supported the kids emotionally.

The equalization payment was around 130K. I offered 75K and the remainder for child support until my older son was 18. He initiallly agreed to this and then was annoyed with a letter my lawyer send (and then said forget it I'll see you in court). I am also worried about court costs and how they are attributed - who usually pays for the court costs?

I hate rolling the dice with a judge and feel both lawyers are digging in rather than finding an equal way to divide up things.

[standing on the sidelines]

well speaking from the viewpoint of a daughter of an alcoholic I do consider it a disablility. I watched my father slowly become this bitter paranoid person as a result of the alcohol. Your ex is using the alcohol as a medication for the depression, that is what my father did after my brother was killed in a car accident.

What I would do is ask is for him to provide a letter from a medical professional who can say if he is clinically depressed or not. That forces him to go get diagnosed and get help.

I can understand the fact you feel like he is getting rewarded for assulting you but unfortunatly that is the way it works. In my opinion any spouse that hits another spouse should not get rewarded.

I think the costs are like other cases. The loser pays. If the lawyers are looking at this with dollar signs in their eyes then the only winners are the lawyers. Any money will be eaten away by legal bills

[stressedby-X]

Standing by the sidelines Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Much of what you said sounds much like my situation.

I did request medical documentation on Friday via my lawyer. I;m not sure he'll be successful as he has not really given the medical community an opportunity to assist him - and does not really think he has any problem. In fact at our last meeting with the judge he stood up after his lawyer was arguing that he was disabled and therefore needed spousal support he stood up and said that there was nothing wrong with him that he could work. Can this information be used if we go to trial? It should be in the minutes.

Really I was hoping that we could reach a tentative agreement ourselves. However in creeps the paranoia that I am out to get him. I even suggested that we get a mediator of his choosing to work through this together.

Lawyers really have a vested interest in keeping things going - $$. The only ones who are going to suffer are our children.

On top of that I am not confident in my lawyers skills at negotiation because really it is all just dollars and cents to divide. I find he often adds fuel to the fire - which just keeps things going. From what I am reading there is really not any point in changing lawyers. What do you think? I just am not feeling this guy. Do you think I should get a second opinion? It is not because I agree of disagree with anything he is doing he just does not seem to have any plan of any creative thinking to resolve this matter.