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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2017, 12:28 AM
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Hey, don't snark at Arabian. She isn't receiving spousal support because she's "won the lottery" and is too lazy to get a job, she receives it because her ex bilked their joint company of hundreds of thousands of dollars and spousal support is the only way to recover any of it. He profited off her work for their company, and she's getting compensated for that. If you've read any of her threads, you'll know that her ex keeps going to court to try to get the SS order overturned, and he keeps losing. Why? Because Arabian has an excellent case for spousal support and judges recognize this. They don't hand it out like Halloween candy. They look at the facts of Arabian's marriage and decide accordingly. There are certainly some people (male and female) who are getting spousal support that isn't justifiable, but she isn't one of them.

And spousal support has nothing to do with suicide rates. I tried to follow that logic and ... I just gave up.
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:47 AM
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Yikes!!! Cant believe I just read that.

Yes...ditto with Stripes
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2017, 05:41 AM
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Wow Newfie... you sure are a bitter one. You do realize that marriage takes two? The decisions made in a marriage take two? If your ex was sitting at home and you didn't agree why didn't you leave? If you had to get up every morning and work while your ex sat at home and you didn't agree, why didn't you leave? You created this situation just as much as your ex did. But of course most payors won't admit they are also at fault. They blame the lazy ex and courts. You're old enough to take responsibility for your actions.


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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2017, 08:49 AM
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Hilarious! Even my ex would find Newfie's post laughable.

Just last week I temporarily lifted my ex's SS payments. Ex continues to be (as this poster likely is) a disaster when it comes to finances. He squandered all of our money on a large home (which he ended up having to sell), trips and stupid shit for his g/f. I am acutely aware that my ex could be bull-shitting me. He has a documented history of lying to the court so he doesn't get any sympathy from the court. At least 8 different judges have upheld my SS Order and I can assure that not one judge felt that I was a deadbeat.

I have been self-sufficient all of my adult life. I provided financing for our business and bought one of our matrimonial homes. I was a good catch for my ex. He knows it now more than ever.

If you sleep on the floor then you have no one but yourself to blame. Get a second job, stay with a friend (if you have any) or go to court and get a stay of enforcement to temporarily relieve yourself and become the deadbeat parent that you sound like you aspire to be?

Yes I do give advice to people contemplating suicide: suicide is the ultimate selfish act. One should focus less on themselves and more on others. Try volunteering to better-balance your view on your own situation as there are ALWAYS people out there who are worse off than you are.

OR you can do what others do - find another unsuspecting woman to shack up with and produce more children with?

Last edited by arabian; 02-01-2017 at 08:54 AM.
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Old 02-01-2017, 10:37 AM
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I guess your ex manages her money better than you do. Sleeping on the floor indicates poor money management skills.
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2017, 07:27 PM
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I can sympathize with men paying spousal support for women who refuse to work after divorce. However, not all situations are the same as Arabian has indicated.

The bottom line is that all adults of every gender have a responsibility to be self-sufficient.

In my opinion, if you decide to stay at home, you're taking a huge (and foolish) risk in the event of a marital breakdown and there shouldn't be a reward for stay-at-home parents to get paid indefinitely after divorce unless there's a contract specifying that the working person agrees to it after the marriage contract is over.

And you never see the argument for indefinite SS made in reverse. Ie, I'm a man who's wife cooked and cleaned...so after the marriage, she should still have to come over and cook and clean cause I don't know how to wash my own underwear.

That would be irrational. And its equally irrational for an adult to get away with not being financially responsible for themselves. Hell, when my kids become adults, I expect them to be financially responsible...there should be no lesser expectation after divorce.

There is an argument for spousal support in some cases..ie long-term equalization when funds are squandered during the marriage, disabled people who cannot work to support themselves, etc. But able-bodied adults should NOT be collecting SS. Its just nonsense.

But no person should be tolerating adults in their house not working either...if you tolerate that, you're basically signing a life long check to someone you may decide to divorce.

Bottom line, I can understand someone who has to pay endless SS being frustrated with the system. It certainly doesn't incentivize the payee to work harder.
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Old 02-03-2017, 07:06 AM
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In my case, my ex did indeed win the lottery. She is now comfortably retired with a cushy pension, paid by me. I get to work until 65 minimum in order to pay for that pension. If I'm lucky (or not) go get any sizeable retirement income, I'll receive the honour and pleasure of continuing to pay my ex SS. My only out is to retire poor, but not too poor.

She had no enforceable responsibility to become self-sufficient and only has to worry about how to spend her SS winnings - it really is Cash-for-Life for her.

When negotiating our separation agreement I fought tooth and nail for a clause saying that me earning more income, post-separation, wouldn't trigger an increase for her. That would have killed me, a death sentence. I would have seriously thought about leaving the country if she would additionally benefit from my hard work, 5, 10, 15 years post separation.

This was my situation, which shouldn't be generalized to the other fine people giving advice and helping us on this forum.
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:23 PM
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There are exceptions, but most ex's don't deserve the level of support that they can claim.

No one should go hungry or homeless, but remarrying, buying a Porsche, taking vacations, and bitching about the free amount they get is plain wrong.

Unless you are equal/or partial business partners in a company, the ex should go out and earn a bloody living, like a grown up.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 02-06-2017, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by piggybanktoex View Post
There are exceptions, but most ex's don't deserve the level of support that they can claim.

No one should go hungry or homeless, but remarrying, buying a Porsche, taking vacations, and bitching about the free amount they get is plain wrong.

Unless you are equal/or partial business partners in a company, the ex should go out and earn a bloody living, like a grown up.
Sounds reasonable.

But one lesson people need to learn is to not allow someone to sit on their butt and not earn a living during marriage. It sets a dangerous precedent.
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