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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-22-2014, 02:43 PM
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Default Private school

Sorry for the wall of text but i wanted to put it out there to gain perspective.

History:
My ex and I split when my son was 1 yrs old. I had a decent income and my ex was also doing pretty well and increasing all the time. When we ere together we had lived in a bad neighbor hood and had decided together that my parents would be paid until a daycare was available and would have my son go to a better daycare and do the private or semi private school.

Then we split: I found a daycare and returned to work. my son then at the age to go to nursery was enrolled in a semi private nursery school and my parents provided transportation and care for the mornings.
My ex agreed to this and agreed to support this.
BUT after my sonw as enrolled and I asked to be reimbursed the cost for his portion of the tuition...he then made every excuse to not pay.
I was out of pocket for 2700.00 and my parents went unpaid.

This went to case conference and I was reimbursed. I agreed to try the french immerssion for kindergarten if the daycare came through.
the daycare came through and i then enrolled in public french immersion.
Almost immediately it becase clear that this was not the place for us.
reagardless after kindergarten i enrolled him at another private school. With my ex's knoweldge and understanding and he said that he would start helping out with the costs when my son was in grade 2.

This never happened and I have nothing in writing because i took his word for it. Outside of my emails asking for his payment and being upset again over money and his non payment of daycare, section 7 etc... This happened around the time he met his current wife.

He responded to me " how good of an executive would i be if i put it in writing" ? I agree and I was stupid. Regardless i have been paying this cost on my own. anytime its mentioned in court: his lawyer is insulting to me and tells me that I am not private school material or that my son doesnt need lessons because its not like he will go to the olympics and get a medal. Regardless, that our family children (my childs cousins) all are also in private schools.
I have some legal correspndence and some drafts that refer to this udnerstanding of the semi private school and trying out the french immersion public.

Last year in negotiations for an agreement (after 8yrs) I gave in and said I would cover the cost of private school. It was just before trial and I wanted to avoid and just get an agreement settled up. Thinking this would just end it and get me an agreement and see the last of him and lawyers.

No agreement was signed but that was agreed. and my ex then just dropped out and no response no signature nothing.
so again we have a case conference becuase we have been ignored and left in limbo again. no garnishment no nothing.


My son is now 9 and will be entering grade 5 in the fall.
I purchased a home clsoe to a new school that is semi private and goes until grade 12.
I want again to open this issue becuase my finances are now tight. the total cost is 5400 until grade12. (4140 for grade 5.)
we can split the cost!?

Do I have any chance of this? Anything I should take into consideration?
Or just suck it up?

Anyone know or experience anything in regards to private school?
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Old 01-22-2014, 02:58 PM
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@RR71....

Be preapred for a mixed opinions, and like any "reasonable human", don't take what might seem like negative to heart i.e. don't just expect to hear what you think it is you want

Quote:
I purchased a home
So that is good, back on your feet and all that in an area according to you...closer to the ki's school.

Quote:
No agreement was signed but that was agreed.
You obviously acknowledge that this is now a problem

Quote:
new school that is semi private and goes until grade 12.
Everyone will like for their kid(s) to go to private schools, but then your point below plays into what you will like....money
Quote:

my finances are now tight
If this is the case, why the need for a private school? The court will ask the same question

Quote:
Do I have any chance of this? Anything I should take into consideration?

Yes ...loads, that it is not feasible based on whta you've told us about your finances
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Or just suck it up?
You seem to have a sense of humour....so I know this is just a rhetorical question
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Old 01-22-2014, 03:11 PM
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Just because the cousins are in private school doesn't mean your kid needs to be. You will need much better reasoning than that.

While the child has been going to private school, it doesn't appear like there is anything on paper making private school a requirement. He will argue it private school is unnecessary and the cost is both unreasonable and unnecessary, and simply keeping up with the Jones in your family. He will further argue that you agreed in prior negotiations to cover the costs of private school, notwithstanding the fact that the agreement was never signed.

I see the benefit of private school, but if money is tight, I don't see the need. Unless there are no public schools in your area, you may likely have an uphill battle on justifying the expense.
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Old 01-22-2014, 05:27 PM
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I don't want to get into a debate over private vs. public schooling. Both have their places. In my limited reading on CanLii regarding child issues, I do notice that judges enforce "best interests of the child." If the young fella has buddies at the current school, is doing well academically, then you would think that would be important. If parents, together, can afford to pay then why not? I see there is a status-quo sort of weighing when extracurricular activities are debated then why wouldn't primary schooling also be viewed the same way?
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Old 01-22-2014, 06:19 PM
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Quote:
but if money is tight
And everything is going to hinge on this....as Ms Mom mentioned yesterday, "you wouldn't go out and buy a house you can't afford" would ya?

If money is too tight....public school is just as good. I attended both private and public, and I can tell you that in the end, it came down to personal hunger to want to excel, and a bit of help from teachers, parents and collaboration with peers i.e. brainstorming sessions and study groups

Never try to keep up with the bloody Jones's...what you don't know is the Jones's are going to maintain that lifestyle
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Old 01-22-2014, 06:28 PM
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Grandparents and mother have sacrificed to ensure the "best interests of the child." Why shouldn't the father step up to the plate (lots of assumptions on my part, including that the father can afford to help out)?

Money may be tight for this mother but what about the father? I don't know dick-squat about child support rules but I thought I read somewhere that both parent's financial situation is considered. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Cudos for the mother for wanting the very best for her child. Extra cudos for her parents who have helped to make that happen!

Edit - I stand corrected. The mother is contemplating putting the child in a new school. I am therefore going to remove my remarks about keeping child with peers as it obviously would not be a factor for the mother.

Last edited by arabian; 01-22-2014 at 06:32 PM.
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Old 01-22-2014, 06:46 PM
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If the father were a decent sort, he'd help out, assuming the private school has major advantages over available public schools.

However, if he's not a decent sort, I can also see the argument that it's not his problem if mom has over-extended herself financially by buying a new house *and* wanting to enrol the kid in a more expensive school. I can see the argument that he shouldn't have to subsidize her unilateral financial choices, especially if she has been covering school costs up until now and it's her word against his about whether he agreed to share the cost.

So unless there's a really compelling reason why this child needs to be in this particular school (special learning challenges, for instance), I don't think the OP has a very strong case.
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Old 01-22-2014, 06:53 PM
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Nothing presented by original poster so far seems to explain the need for private school. All I read so far is a financial situation that doesn't support it.


If you were well off, why were you living in "bad" area?

Put your child in public school, and use some of the money towards other academic/extracurricular pursuits.
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Old 01-22-2014, 07:03 PM
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Good points, however one wonders if the mother is trying to keep the child at the same standard of living as if the child were being raised by an intact family with the father's income. I've read plenty on that subject. I guess what is really missing here is financial information on the father.
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Old 01-22-2014, 08:49 PM
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Private schooling is an advantage of the privileged.

Sad but true.

If you can pull it off, are willing to make the sacrifices, then you should pursue it. Be aware however, that its is not an absolute 'right' to have it.

I've recently heard postulated whether or not the top Canadian CEO's were exposed to such education. I suppose that's a valid point, but I would put more weight on how many of Canada's top CEO's have children attending private school.

If your household is/was of that elite category for whom private school tuitions would not have been a particularily burdensome expense - then why wouldn't you do it?

Especially if 'Dad' is Alumni himself, and/or other family members are already attending.
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