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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-23-2017, 08:40 AM
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Hi everyone,

A few questions:

I have a settled issue through mediation that my ex wants to change regarding our 18 and 21 year old. We agreed the kids were old enough to decide where they wanted to spend their time. Also we agreed we would each discuss our own plans with the kids regarding further education.

Within two years of this agreement, the oldest of the two children is finishing her last year of college. She and I opened a line of credit. When she's done, if she has any debt, I'll help her pay it off. She has very little debt and has done well.

My second child has opted to spend more time at her dads. She gets whatever she likes. Her last year of school when she should have been planning for further education, she bought a car with her dad's help, paid for a $2000 graduation trip and had driving fines $2000. She's flip flopped about what she wants to do (travel, nursing, hotel management) and has now settled on an out of town university. She isn't sure what her end goal is, she wants the "experience" of living away from home. I've told her I would set her up like her sister and she needed to save. She will have more debt and I've tried steering her away from the idea considering she has no real idea of what she wants to do. It's an expensive way to go about "finding" yourself. Her dad didn't say anything about our first child and hasn't helped her out but now wants our youngest to have our full support. He wants me to pay 1/3 of all costs. I said I would pay one third of tuition but she could go to school locally and save living expenses. But the two of them are adamant she go where she likes and I just pay for it.


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Old 01-23-2017, 10:15 PM
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If she lives locally with Dad, wouldn't you just be stuck paying child support anyway?
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Old 01-23-2017, 10:32 PM
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If she lives locally with Dad, wouldn't you just be stuck paying child support anyway?


No. it's in my town not his. And she would be back and forth as she likes. That's what we agreed.


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Old 01-23-2017, 10:47 PM
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If she lives locally with Dad, wouldn't you just be stuck paying child support anyway?


I guess I'm wondering if and why the two children will be treated differently legally. One child is following the plan and doing great. The other didn't make any plans and now just wants a free ride. I can't see that being supported. Especially with an offer on the table to attend school locally with tuition support and all necessities taken care of.
And what is the limit with all of this. If she wanted to go abroad for school, would that be an automatic expense on the parents?





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Old 01-24-2017, 07:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Star7ontario View Post
I guess I'm wondering if and why the two children will be treated differently legally. One child is following the plan and doing great. The other didn't make any plans and now just wants a free ride. I can't see that being supported. Especially with an offer on the table to attend school locally with tuition support and all necessities taken care of.
And what is the limit with all of this. If she wanted to go abroad for school, would that be an automatic expense on the parents?





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So you want her to go to he local school so she lives with you and you get CS from Dad? There are MANY children that study at schools a few hours from home. If that's what your child wants to do why would you limit that? You are required by law to pay a portion of post secondary expenses. The child going to school abroad is extreme but the child choosing to go to a school a few hours away is acceptable. I do think you would lose this battle. That being said you are only on the hook for 1/3, Dad would have to come up with his 1/3 and the child would have to come up with 1/3 as well.

Hopefully you can work this out with your child because it's not fair to limit her experience just to save you money. This could potentially shape the future relationship with this child


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Old 01-24-2017, 08:34 AM
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So you want her to go to he local school so she lives with you and you get CS from Dad? There are MANY children that study at schools a few hours from home. If that's what your child wants to do why would you limit that? You are required by law to pay a portion of post secondary expenses. The child going to school abroad is extreme but the child choosing to go to a school a few hours away is acceptable. I do think you would lose this battle. That being said you are only on the hook for 1/3, Dad would have to come up with his 1/3 and the child would have to come up with 1/3 as well.

Hopefully you can work this out with your child because it's not fair to limit her experience just to save you money. This could potentially shape the future relationship with this child


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No I don't want CS. I don't want or need support of any kind.


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Old 01-24-2017, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
So you want her to go to he local school so she lives with you and you get CS from Dad? There are MANY children that study at schools a few hours from home. If that's what your child wants to do why would you limit that? You are required by law to pay a portion of post secondary expenses. The child going to school abroad is extreme but the child choosing to go to a school a few hours away is acceptable. I do think you would lose this battle. That being said you are only on the hook for 1/3, Dad would have to come up with his 1/3 and the child would have to come up with 1/3 as well.

Hopefully you can work this out with your child because it's not fair to limit her experience just to save you money. This could potentially shape the future relationship with this child


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An education is not about experience. It's for a career and if she had any idea about what she wanted I would support that. So far her aspirations have been to get stoned and party. And that behaviour is fully enabled by the her dad. She needs an undergrad. She can get that locally. I've also spoken with her about some ideas for finding more about different career paths she's interested in so that by the end of her undergrad she'll know what she wants, be more mature and going away to school at that point won't be for another party.




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Old 01-24-2017, 09:36 AM
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Unfortunately there is no easy answer to your dilemma. Reasons being:
A) you reached an agreement through mediation
B) you didnt follow that agreement
C) you allowed your child to choose

It doesnt matter who is at fault here, you are now in a position where it is a crapshoot what a court would decide.

In which case the law would be considered. Lewi v Lewi is the major case that is followed. Kids are responsible for a portion of expenses. That portion is higher if they go away. Parents are responsible for the rest.

You have to decide if its worth 25,000 and up in legal fees to fight it.

Best case scenario, you make an offer: if she goes away it has to be a reasonable program with future employment possibilities; she has to cover her tuition (if she is eligible for grants she must apply-OSAP offers up to 30% off tuition); you and your ex split the cost for residence (insist she spend her first year in residence as there are rules on drugs, alcohol and partying), books, and reasonable costs like medications/supplies etc. Transportation home is paid for by the parent she visits.

Going away to school isnt a bad thing and some kids smarten up. If you also insist on a specific grade expectation (ie no failures, nothing less than a c+) then there is a certain level of responsibility.

This is one of those closing the barn doors situations. You both allowed this behaviour in your kid. You allowed her to choose. Now you are stuck with it. The courts will order you both to split her costs anyway, might as well set a limit on what is paid for. Tuition is ~$8000 and residence/other costs will run ~$15,000 total. This is about 1/3 but still puts responsibility on kid.
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Old 01-24-2017, 10:11 AM
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Is the non-local school a decent university with good programs? If so, how about a compromise:

You and Dad will help Kid with the costs of going away (she pays 1/3, you and Dad split 2/3) for the first year. If she does well (good marks, no getting into trouble from partying), you'll continue to support her there. If she doesn't do well (poor marks or too much partying - you'll need to establish pretty explicit standards for what "not doing well" means), you'll share the cost of her going to a local university and living at home in her second and third years, but if she wants to continue living away, she'll have to pay for it herself.

The first year is generally the most challenging, so if she makes it through that, she is likely to do okay in later years. Also most first year courses can be transferred to other institutions for credit.
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Old 01-24-2017, 12:18 PM
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Stripes, how is this a compromise. It seems like any of these so called written agreements become invalidated very quickly when one wants to dispute it. my own written separation agreement doesn't seem to be worth the paper it's written on.
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