Possible Divorce... Please help with any advice!!

[Chrysalis68]

Basically here are the facts:
1. I have been with this man for 6 years.
2. I had my own house, I have 3 children at the time ages 4,6,&8
3. We purchased a house just over 4 years ago, (99% in my name and 1% in his) This was due to the fact that I had the full down payment for the house. He came with no household items (only a motorcycle with a loan) in his name. I had all appliances, furniture etc. etc. He does have a good paying job which gave the ability to get the mortgage that we did.
4. We married in Oct. 2006 (4 months after the purchase of this house)
5. He has been a total father basically to my children. One even calls him dad regularly. They have used his last name .. hyphenated whenever possible. I have sole custody of the children so they are with us full time aside from every other weekend.
6. He is now looking at a possible divorce, doesn't feel that he wants to spend the rest of his life being a dad (family man).

What are my options legally? My children are devasted. They are now 10,12 &14.
We are screwed financially. (yes I do get some finacial support from their bio dad but not near enough to cover the expenses) I had a house and now for me to be able to purchase another one the market has gone too high. I want to stay in the house that I am in because looking at it, by the time we pay realitors etc. it makes no sense to move.
I also have a lot of support by neighbours, emotionally, etc. The problem is that I may not qualify for that high of a mortgage on my own now. Is a stepfather able to just walk away like nothing happened?

My emotions are all over the place. I need to figure things out money, house wise first because I have children that I need to raise. They have to be my #1 priority and my broken heart will have to wait. (make sense??)

Please, any advice would be wonderful. I don't know where to begin and I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on a lawyer.

[Mess]

Legally you can probably seek some child support from him. If he makes a lot more than you, you could seek some spousal support from him. Neither is a sure thing but the arguments are there. It would irresponsible to tell you from the little info you have provided whether it is a sure thing or not. You need to discuss this with a lawyer.

Legally you were married and had a matrimonial home and the value of the home will be split 50/50. Regardless of the down payment, it will be split. Your post is vague but presumably with his higher paying job he made mortgage payments along the way?

While I suggest you get legal advice I also suggest the best deal for you may be to trade off any support claim against the house; you and the kids stay in the home, he transfers full title to you and you sign off on any support claims. You become completely separated in all ways and he walks away and doesn't look back.

You could try to claim support from him, and he will be bitter about it and the two of you will never get along and the children suffer even more. Meanwhile you continue to have ongoing connection from the monthly cheques. What kind of step father is that? If you trade any support claim against the home, then he leaves with what he arrived with and you can suggest that you remain friends for the children's sake if he is able to handle that.

My advice is based on not knowing any numbers, perhaps the support payments would be huge and the house equity small, I don't know, but from what you say your priorities are I think you are better off making a deal and not seeking to get everything by the book. You would lose half the house value and get grudging support payments and ongoing animosity.