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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-01-2012, 05:16 AM
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Can anyone give me some good advice? Without going into great detail, my divorce is almost done or at least should of been done by now. My ex and I have settled all our own property, pension issues on our own.
Not too far after the separation, she turned on me..Surprise surprise. Now that the lawyers are involved and im on my second one after I fired the 1st one. Ive done everything my lawyer has told me to do. Im very comfortable with him. The only problem is that this has gone on too long because the only issues are some arrears in which I agreed to pay her. Ive been in arrears every week since January for about $150 until last week I upped it based on the tabled amount. She asked for half be paid and the other half at income tax. I also agreed to pay the 1\3 of my oldest son tuition for last year in this year rightfully so. She even had the nerve to ask me if she can have*the full tax deduction of my portion of what I am paying. This should go to my son as a write off since he is old enough.*She has been nothing but greedy since day one. I've given her just about everything but my underwear. She lives mortgage free, I paid her vehicle off. I had to remortgage my home to pay for the 1st lawyer bill and pay off my line of credit in which I had to use to live. I finally met with my lawyer about 3 weeks ago to go over what she has asked for and agreed to everything, I later get a text message saying the deal is off. This was about 5 days later since she would of got my lawyers correspondance. She obviously didn't like the part he had put in about my income being about 20K lower this year because of there isn't much overtime, not to mention I am no longer working overtime anyway. Her income has risen to where it should be because she took off 8-10 weeks deliberately to impede her yearly income. My lawyer has told her lawyer that our incomes will be retabled to establish new child support and spousal support amounts. I also caught wind from one of her cousins that she is working under the table bar tending on weekends. I have a friend of mine who is a private investrigator. I am going to contact him to find out where she is working. I am going to make sure she reports this new found income for this tax year. I will let the CRA handle that one if she doesnt disclose it. I am now thinking of cutting her off CS and SS since there is no motivation for her to get this divorce done. My boys are 18 and 21.*There is currently no court order for me to pay. I have been paying for 2 years in good faith. I am giving her more than 50% of my pay. My girlfriend has been helping me quite a bit, thank God. All I want is this to be done and not drag on for no apparent reason. Should I stop paying and just let the FRO take over or pay and keep taking it up the a$$. She will end up waiting for the arrears I owe and not get it until tax time because half my weekly pay is less than the tabled amounts. All she has to do is agree to her own demands and move on and she would have a small chunk of money that again I have to borrow from a friend because my bank wont give me a larger line of credit. Im maxed out and stressed out. I am fed up! I've done everything I can. I've even lost my sons because of her poison. I just want to move on.
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Old 08-01-2012, 09:26 AM
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I would not withhold child support payments if I were you. This can backfire in a big way. Family Law principle is that children's well being comes first and foremost and using the payments as a "weapon of war" would be looked at unfavorably to you.
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Old 08-01-2012, 10:33 AM
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Sure, you can stop the SS as a tactic; obviously since she isn't signing the agreement that resulted from her own demands, she doesn't need it that badly and is evidently working full time. But don't stop the CS. That's the right of the children and not paying it makes you look very bad.

The poisoning of your sons against you is serious though. Fortunately for you, they are pretty much adults, and you can all deal with one another without going through the ex. Do your best to maintain your relationship with them, away from the ex. Invite them places, do things with them, have father-son conversations, etc. And in fact, since there's no court order, maybe you can even pay the CS directly to the kids instead of the ex, but I'd ask around for the legal ramifications of that before you do it.
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Old 08-01-2012, 10:09 PM
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I have tried tooth and nail in keeping contact with my boys but they don't answer me and my oldest son who attends college near where I live won't come by when I invite him nor does he need an invite, says he's not allowed here with the Ex's vehicle. As far as the child support, I won't with hold that.
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