Lawyer Consult-can't be right

[May_May]

Hoping someone has some advice for me.
Have had 2 separate consultations with different lawyers. I have moved out of my marital home Jan. 1 2011, and my husband and I share our kids. Right now he is being extremely difficult and he cannot rationally even begin to discuss the separation agreement. I am in a friends house who is away travelling, but back in 2 weeks and I need to find a new place to live (Yes I know I am entitled to move back to the marital house but am worried the verbal abuse would escalate to something physical, and I do not want to expose the children to anymore verbal abuse).
My options are to buy or rent at the end of the month. I will do in the same sub division so the children can go to both of our houses after/before school. As nothing has been agreed upon formally (husband has agreed to buy me out but not on the amount) I have no money for a down payment as it is locked up in the marital house. I can rent which is what I'm going to do and have it come from out joint line of credit as my money is still going towards the other mortgage (has to).
So...
The lawyers have both said they would not take us on until we saw a mediator. My problem is at this point my husband could go and get a new car, he already has someone coming for estimates for new windows in the house, he could travel and do all sorts of things and I would be responsible for 50% as there is no signed separation. How do I stop this from being able to happen until the agreement is done/finalized ? UGH...worries...worries...worries...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated ! Cheers...
May

[Pink]

I don't understand why you can't get a lawyer to draw up a separation agreement, that way it is documented that you are indeed separated and thus to my understanding you wouldn't be responsible for any new debt he incurs.

Perhaps you should consult a new lawyer? 3rd times the charm?

[winterwolf7]

If you are worried about being on the hook for any new expenses that are occurring, you can go and close any joint accounts and cancel any joint credit cards.

You don't need anyone's permission to do so, joint on those accounts means EITHER of you has signing authority for any transaction including closing it.

I suggest you do this as soon as possible so that you can begin untangling any joint assets, eventually including the marital home. In order to agree on the amount for a buy-out, you should get 1-2 real estate agents to give you an estimate on the current value. Use the average as a starting point for negotiations.

Depending on the situation it can still be a long road to agree on a number but at least it should be based on facts.

If there's any money in the joint account when you close it, in theory you can take it. But being a guy who's been robbed that way, I'd suggest you take at most half and make sure he gets the rest.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by May_May

Hoping someone has some advice for me.
Have had 2 separate consultations with different lawyers. I have moved out of my marital home Jan. 1 2011, and my husband and I share our kids. Right now he is being extremely difficult and he cannot rationally even begin to discuss the separation agreement. I am in a friends house who is away travelling, but back in 2 weeks and I need to find a new place to live (Yes I know I am entitled to move back to the marital house but am worried the verbal abuse would escalate to something physical, and I do not want to expose the children to anymore verbal abuse).
My options are to buy or rent at the end of the month. I will do in the same sub division so the children can go to both of our houses after/before school. As nothing has been agreed upon formally (husband has agreed to buy me out but not on the amount) I have no money for a down payment as it is locked up in the marital house. I can rent which is what I'm going to do and have it come from out joint line of credit as my money is still going towards the other mortgage (has to).
So...
The lawyers have both said they would not take us on until we saw a mediator. My problem is at this point my husband could go and get a new car, he already has someone coming for estimates for new windows in the house, he could travel and do all sorts of things and I would be responsible for 50% as there is no signed separation. How do I stop this from being able to happen until the agreement is done/finalized ? UGH...worries...worries...worries...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated ! Cheers...
May

Okay if he gets thoughs things done for the house like you said...then you'd be entitled to half of whatever the increased value. These days with heating costs the way they are...new windows would increase value upon assessment...he's doing you a favor in the long run.

[May_May]

Thanks everyone !
1) So there is no such thing as a 'two' part separation ? First document just to say you are both confirming/agreeing you are separated and from date xx/xx/xx you are no longer jointly responsible for any new incurred debts/income...
then second separation document to break out the existing assets/debs/property/children-custody agreement etc...?

2) Is there anything I can do legally (as he will not listen to me) to have him served an order to refrain from his condescending, intimidating and yelling at me (in person or over the phone) in front of the kids ? This is only doing them harm and I will not banter back with him in their presence. This separation is for us to figure out and they do not need to be aware of the details.

3) Pink-Yes I agree I need a 3rd consultation with a different lawyer

4) Winterwolf-Thanks for the advice to start detangling the joint accounts (it is quite daunting when you look at it as a whole). I want everything to be 50/50 even with the kids-we should each deposit the same account into an account for them to be used jointly for expenses. My husband (soon to be ex) should be just as accountable for their finances as I am...

5) LostFather-Not really...It will be $40K for new windows and I'd be lucky if it added $5-10 to the value of the house. I'm already willing to take the 'half' from at him for a lesser amount than 50% just to be out of this terrible marriage !

6) Mediation-Has anyone used a mediator to assist with the separation of assets/children-custody instead of a lawyer ? If we do and it's successful, what are your thoughts on going just to a Town Hall to have the separation notarized instead of spending the $ on lawyers if it is already agreed upon and we've had a mediator involved.

Thanks all !