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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-22-2012, 07:15 PM
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Default Interesting question..common law and child support while living with me.

So long story short, me and my ex-common law are separating. The previous week, she had basically called the police on me for assault. The police came and they interviewed both of us.

At the end of this, they basically just said one of us has to leave and since it is my house they can't legally ask me to go. So I left anyways as we have an 11 month child together. At the advice of my lawyer, I am not to go back there in the case that if we are together alone, she could "knock herself" and then call the police so then I would really be screwed.

So now here we are a week into it and she's been constantly asking me when am I coming home. To which I say no. Since it is my house, my lawyer said I can evict her anytime under Alberta's rules as the title is under my name and she has never contributed to any of the bills.

I am letting her live in the house till the end of the month till she finds a place. I want to take my son but she is going to be unstable so I would rather not jeopardize anything till she is out at the end of this month. BTW I am wanting equal shared parenting and she wants him 100% with her.

I haven't talked to my lawyer yet, but now she says she deserves child support payments because I am no longer in the house. Does this sound completely out of whack? She is living in my house, with my son, i buy all his diapers, food etc. I just dropped it off a few days ago.

Tell me if she actually has something to stand on or not?
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:22 PM
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I'm assuming she is living free in your house?

Tell her that if she pays you rent for that month, then you'll pay her CS for that month ... minus whatever you've already contributed to diapers and food.

Otherwise, CS starts when she moves out, and will be calculated using offset method, because of course you will be following a 50-50 parenting schedule.

It's called 'occupational rent' ... and it's just as real as CS.
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:24 PM
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I'm assuming she is living free in your house?

Tell her that if she pays you rent for that month, then you'll pay her CS for that month ... minus whatever you've already contributed to diapers and food.
It's called 'occupational rent' ... and it's just as real as CS.

Otherwise, CS starts when she moves out, and will be calculated using offset method, because of course you will be following a 50-50 parenting schedule. Hopefully you are making moves towards setting up this sort of schedule -- even if she is refusing, it is important to show that you have been making an effort to get there.
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:51 PM
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That is correct, she is living free in the house. Yeah, good to know about the occupational rent thing.

Yes, I am. when you say making the moves toward that? what do you mean? I had setup mediation but she cancelled it and I've taken the parenting after seperation. As well I'm preparing an affidavit that shows I am already involved in his life since day one, i change his diapers, feed him, bathe him, the whole nine yards as well. She started working about a month ago and works alot of shifts from 5-2 am as a restaurant manager. Her arguement is that she needs to breastfeed and he is too young to have any overnights.

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Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
I'm assuming she is living free in your house?

Tell her that if she pays you rent for that month, then you'll pay her CS for that month ... minus whatever you've already contributed to diapers and food.
It's called 'occupational rent' ... and it's just as real as CS.

Otherwise, CS starts when she moves out, and will be calculated using offset method, because of course you will be following a 50-50 parenting schedule. Hopefully you are making moves towards setting up this sort of schedule -- even if she is refusing, it is important to show that you have been making an effort to get there.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:49 PM
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I cannot tell from your posts whether you have access to your son or not. If not, or if access is very restricted, make it very clear, using some traceable medium (e.g. email) that you are concerned that your child is missing contact with his father, and that you do not consent to such limited parenting time. Email to her a few options for how to split your time, something that you feel is realistic given your work schedules and living arrangements. FYI after 12 mo, she can no longer rely on the breastfeeding argument (tho probably whe will try), so start suggesting overnights right away. Whatever you do, don't start believing the bull that she is somehow the primary parent who NATURALLY should have the lion's share of time with your child.

You can be 90% certain that she will try to keep you away for as long as possible so that it builds up a pattern (called status quo) of you not being involved. Also, even without any CS, she has a pretty good deal going, so she doesn't have much incentive to move out of your house.

I pray that your ex is just someone who needs a bit of educating in the new reality of your parenting roles ...it is going to be a big adjustment for her to be apart from her baby for 2-3 days at a time (as YOU certainly appreciate by now - you must be going crazy with it).
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:08 PM
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Oops, sorry let me clarify. The police left without charging me as they did not think there was an assault that took place.

The following day she threatened to charge me and put in a restraining order. At that point, I just stayed away. The next day she then texted me to come and babysit my son and her daughter (who she also said I assaulted her). At which point I said no, and she said I will never see my son again and it will restricted access.

So legally, there is nothing in place that says I cannot have access to him. At the advice of my lawyer, I should not be anywhere near her. I have said, I will take him to my family's house and she has said nope he cannot leave...do I have a right to take him? Obviously I should document this too correct?

Essentially, I am letting her stay at my place till she finds something at the end of this month. She also has 2 daughters (12 and 13) who she brought over the Christmas holiday to visit for 2 weeks. Fast forward now, she decided to keep them here and tell me they are staying. *this is without the consent of the grandparents who have had them for the past 7 years*.

However, I am asking for shared parenting. I have been with him since day 1 and as my lawyer said, you are not asking for any change you want equal time just as you currently have.
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. That's what she tells me. "No judge would keep a mother and her breastfeeding away from her baby at night" even though she is away from home for about 8 hours and I take care of him full time. I've actually documented and videotaped him eating solids etc. and all that good stuff to prove she is basically using it as a way to prevent access. The crazy part about her is that if she doesn't get what she wants that is what she does, threatens to keep him away from me but then texts me that she wants me to come back to her. You call the cops on me and you expect me to want to be with you??? The only thing that pains me is my son having to witness all this hence I want this to be over and be able to move on to a healthy relationship with my son.

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Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
I cannot tell from your posts whether you have access to your son or not. If not, or if access is very restricted, make it very clear, using some traceable medium (e.g. email) that you are concerned that your child is missing contact with his father, and that you do not consent to such limited parenting time. Email to her a few options for how to split your time, something that you feel is realistic given your work schedules and living arrangements. FYI after 12 mo, she can no longer rely on the breastfeeding argument (tho probably whe will try), so start suggesting overnights right away. Whatever you do, don't start believing the bull that she is somehow the primary parent who NATURALLY should have the lion's share of time with your child.

You can be 90% certain that she will try to keep you away for as long as possible so that it builds up a pattern (called status quo) of you not being involved. Also, even without any CS, she has a pretty good deal going, so she doesn't have much incentive to move out of your house.

I pray that your ex is just someone who needs a bit of educating in the new reality of your parenting roles ...it is going to be a big adjustment for her to be apart from her baby for 2-3 days at a time (as YOU certainly appreciate by now - you must be going crazy with it).
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:22 PM
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That's a tough situation. So who takes care of the baby when she's working the 5 - 2am shifts? Definitely follow your lawyer's advice about not having any direct contact. That could turn a bad situation into a much worse one. It is commendable that you are taking all the necessary steps in order to get equal time with your baby. Good Luck and remain calm even though you are in a tough spot. Definitely make sure your communications are verifiable - email is best. Polite and to the point, with a clear focal point re: your child.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:30 PM
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With all that's going on: No.. You cannot just "take him" - Stay away from her right now. From all you have said, you cannot trust her at all. Just listen to your lawyer.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:42 PM
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OK then. She's JUST GETTING STARTED. Just so you know what you are in for..

You will need to find a way to be absolutely beyond blame in all you do, unprovokable, have the patience of 100 men, self assurance to see past her crap (and her lawyer's crap) and believe in your value as a father, super-polite and respectful; in ALL you do you must ensure that you can explain it as an action towards the best interest of your child, refrain from criticizing or in any way 'attacking' your ex's choices/behaviour, no blaming... while at the same time INSISTING that you will be involved in your child's life.

Keep detailed records of all communications and events. When it does come in front of a judge, the better organized party has a huge advantage.

You will have to be a SAINT to see this through. Ready?

Also, please be aware that you can EASILY spend over $20K (or even $50k) on your lawyer. Educate yourself as much as possible on family law. Start reading cases on www.canlii.org (search for keywords such as status quuo, restraining order, false accusations, breastfeeding, occupational rent). And make sure that every exchange between lawyers is something that moves you forward - lawyers are very good at sending letters ad nauseum. Get a court date and push towards it (this keeps the pressure on your ex to negotiate in the mean time)

Last edited by dinkyface; 01-23-2012 at 12:01 AM.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:49 PM
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Well previously to this whole blowout. I was the one taking care of him from 5-2.

To all that replied, thank you for the advice and support!

would it look bad if i had her evicted? Could I say he stays with me? My lawyer basically said that's our first step is to get her out of the house and then go for an interim shared parenting order. I have a pitbull of a lawyer. His attitude is that just i would prove to the judge she is an unfit mother, she would need to do the same with me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
That's a tough situation. So who takes care of the baby when she's working the 5 - 2am shifts? Definitely follow your lawyer's advice about not having any direct contact. That could turn a bad situation into a much worse one. It is commendable that you are taking all the necessary steps in order to get equal time with your baby. Good Luck and remain calm even though you are in a tough spot. Definitely make sure your communications are verifiable - email is best. Polite and to the point, with a clear focal point re: your child.
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