How should I pay child support?

[Helpj]

Hello Again,
My separation agreement is finally complete and I have been paying my ex child support monthly by cheque, but there seem to be issues with this and I think she is trying to make a case that I am not paying properly.
Here's the situation.
I offered to provide post dated cheques so I would not have to deal with this issue monthly, as she is not comfortable or civilized with me. She refused to accept these, asking for them to be provided monthly.
She does not want me dropping off anything at her house, so I have been handing her the cheques each month while we are exchanging the kids. However, I have been several days late, several times as the exchanges are not on the 1st, and she does not seem to want them early.
I gave her a cheque on Jan 3rd that was dated Jan. 1st (since i had tried to give it to her a few weeks prior and she returned it to me). Now she has not cashed it and is saying she wants either a new cheque dated Jan. 3rd, or for me to change the date on that cheque to reflect the day she got it.
I suspect she is wanting to paint me as a negligent father who is not paying, so that she could have my wages garnished and further build upon the myth that i am a jerk (i am really not, and i really don't mind paying this support to her).
Here's my question: What is the most effective way for me to pay her each month, on time, while keeping a record that it is actually happening? Keep in mind that she does not want me to go to her house, and I am respecting that.
How do most people pay their child support? Cheques, bank transfers, cash...? Do people mail their cheques, hand them over, insist on a reciept at the time of transfer???
This seems like a little issue compared to the hell scenarios others have I know, but I would really like your opinions or tips for this situation.
Thanks in advance!

[Mess]

Hopefully you should send her an email offering post-dates or to give the cheque earlier in the last week of the month before it's due. Then hopefully she should respond to your email by turning down your offer, so you have the response in writing.

If she doesn't want to exchange emails, you should flat out tell her you want her disagreement in writing because you feel vulnerable.

In any case, she has the option of registering with the FRO at any time whether you are on time or not. With the FRO you should have the option of sending them post dates prior to having your wages garnished.

A better solution before all that happens is to set up an automatic transfer from your bank account to hers on the first of each month. No fuss, no worries, always on time, you have electronic records, you don't have to have any contact with each other (you can do the child exchange by her dropping of at school and you picking up and vice versa).

[NBDad]

Added bonus of Email money xfers...they take 30-45mins to arrive from the time you press send.

Less headache, fully recorded, and she can't say she never received it.(Most banks EMAIL you confirmation of the email being accepted).

You can setup several months of payments in advance too.

I'd go with that option since she seems to be inclined to be difficult.

[Deputy Daddy]

1st.... 3rd.... In the grand scheme of things, who cares? The argument can be made that she may have bills due and should receive the CS on time, but it appears that is not the case since she hasn't cashed it yet.

I'd just re-write the cheque dated for the third and not worry about it. Seriously... if she's that desperate to get "amuniton" to discredit you then you don't have anything to worry about.

Consider doing this: Write an email asking her to respond. "I can give you post-dated cheques in the week before the 1st of the month, or I can give you properly dated cheques the first exchange in each new month. Which do you prefer?" Or by asking her to define (within reason) how she wants the cheques. It sounds like your current situation makes it very easy for her to find something to complain about.

DD

[Deputy Daddy]

Oh, and to answer your question, I give her cheques. We're generally friendly, but I don't trust her at all and would NEVER give cash. Cheques are a good, proveable way to pay but I expect you may have grief whatever method you pick.

DD

[independentgal]

She has no right to dictate how/when you pay her.

Send 6 months or 12 months of cheques to her by Express Post(signature required). Don't tell her in advance you are doing it.

Take photocopies of all the cheques before you send them. You may want to use a yellow highlighter on the date line as it alerts the banking system to check the date so she can't put all of them through.

It is her problem. I cannot believe you don't tell her to take it or leave it. You have done your part by giving her cheques. In my opinion, she is doing it to have some control over you, making you interact with her, not to mention in front of the child. Kids don't need to know anything about child support.

I read a case in Canada on canlii where the mother refused to cash her child support cheques because she didn't agree with the amount on them. She held them all, and then brought a motion accusing the dad of not paying. He had all his proof there to defend himself and the judge was not impressed with her. Whether she cashes it or not, you have complied with the child support order.

Whether she cashes them or not is her problem. As long as you don't give her a stale dated cheque you are in the clear. Make sure you write the month the support is for on the memo line of the cheque.

I, for one, would not be complaining about the date on a child support cheque. It would be nice to receive it even once from my ex, the deadbeat.

I don't know if you are in Canada or not, but you can volunteer to pay through FRO. Sounds like they will be easier to deal with than your ex wife.

[dadtotheend]

Not that this is any startling revelation, but she is being first class clown for acting like that.

I would go the email money transfer route.

[Helpj]

Thank you all for your supportive, informative comments. I really, really appreciate the feedback! At least i know i have options and have been trying to do the right thing. I just wanted to be making informed decisions and not feel intimidated or bullied by her.

[sufferer]

she is just being nasty.Even if the matter goes in court MR Judge would feel the same, 1st of month or 3rd of month that too after a holiday season won't make any difference.Send her the email that she already received the child support of the month of jan and from feb onwards she will have post dated checks for next 6 months since she is being impossible.Email tranfer or direct deposit is a good option too

[melee]

Why don't you go through FRO or maintenance inforcement? My DH's EX demanded that child support pymts (on the 1st of every month) go through maintenance inforcement when it didn't need to. we paid ON TIME and she sometimes even got her cheque hand delivered. Why she HAD to go through maintenance was beyond us, but she wanted it this way and now she is waiting DAYS after the date she is supposed to get the cheque. In our province, the cheque has to be in the FRO's office BY the 1st, then it gets mailed out to her after. But at least it's consistant for us on our end and we're happy that its done this way because it's a no fuss, no muss system and no one can complain about anything and if your ex wants to complain, she can take it up with her lawyer!