Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 04:55 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 11
littlemonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for the advice Janus! I do have a special career which makes it hard for the 50% of parenting time....but like you said i should make it work just like many other divorced fathers. I like my child and i am going to fight for 50/50 even at the expense of sacrificing my career advancement. After all, being a good father is more important than having a successful career.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 04:57 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,854
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Not everyone wants to be a full-time parent...or 50/50 or even 40/60...

In this situation the poster is accustomed to wife staying home to raise the child (now 3.5 y.o.). So traditionally he has likely been a 30 percent hands-on parent todate.

This is reality with many people. No one fits in the "mould" and therefore should not, in my opinion, be judged on their honesty.

Better the child spend time with the parent who sincerely wants to spend time with him than a parent who doen't (and puts kids in daycare with strangers) merely for money IMO.

This is a single-income family. Hopefully they will be able to avoid an out-and-out costly legal dispute and assist each other in the transition (which may take many years before everyone is comfortable with a 50-50 regime).
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 04:59 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 11
littlemonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks a lot! This is indeed very helpful!
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 05:47 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 212
hopefull is on a distinguished road
Default

What is more important to you, chasing dollar signs in order to pay your ex more, or spending quality time with your child?????

Time with a child is priceless and you should make it your priority over hanging out with your buddies, going out having fun or chasing some new skirt who will probably end up doing the same to you.

You can maintain 50/50 whilst still having a bit of fun on the side on your non-parenting week. I have been doing it for years now

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemonk View Post
Could you please point me to a direction as to where i can find the case laws?

I am actually thinking about fighting for the 50/50 (called shared custody, right?). Let's say if i did get it, would i lose it in the future if can't take care of the child 50% of the time? (will try my best but it's kind of hard to guarantee 50% of parenting time as i have a job after all).
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 06:11 PM
Rioe's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,217
Rioe will become famous soon enough
Default

Make your negotiation starting point 50-50 access, CS by table half offset, no SS and an income imputed to her of what she made before and could therefore make again. That is a perfectly fair and reasonable expectation to have of modern university educated young people.

The kid has been in daycare even while mom was unemployed? Clearly, the child can continue in daycare and you both can work. It's her choice what form of work that entails. Her marriage is breaking up and she's going to be a single mom. She no longer has the luxury of pursuing a dream career and expecting a partner to support it.

Let her negotiate you down from there. Be willing to be 'slowly persuaded' to pay SS for two years. That's plenty of time for her to try to make her dream career work and then find a proper job when it doesn't, and the child will definitely be in school by the end of it, if he isn't already, so that excuse is gone too.

You could also let yourself be negotiated to have a Right of First Refusal clause, which means that if you are unable to care for the child due to your work obligations, you have to offer the time to your ex before hiring a babysitter. That way, your 50-50 access time is enshrined in the agreement, but you recognize that she may be willing and able to help you out sometimes. Just try not to make it a regular thing or she could come back and say she has more than 60% time.

If she had died instead of breaking up with you, you'd have to work and figure out child care. This is similar, but easier. Maybe you can work more hours on days you don't have the kid, and fewer hours on days he's with you.

By letting her 'negotiate' you down to things you appear to me to be willing to agree with already, she'll think she's won and be more likely to sign.

SS duration goes to high end based on the age of the youngest child, due to some outdated notion that women are unable to be employed while they have a kid in school. But the Divorcemate software doesn't tell you that when it spits out that mindboggling duration number. I certainly hope a judge wouldn't order such a thing in your situation.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 06:17 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,854
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Very good points raised by Rioe.

SS is a negotiated matter, unlike CS - this is important to remember.
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 07:14 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 11
littlemonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Make your negotiation starting point 50-50 access, CS by table half offset, no SS and an income imputed to her of what she made before and could therefore make again. That is a perfectly fair and reasonable expectation to have of modern university educated young people.

The kid has been in daycare even while mom was unemployed? Clearly, the child can continue in daycare and you both can work. It's her choice what form of work that entails. Her marriage is breaking up and she's going to be a single mom. She no longer has the luxury of pursuing a dream career and expecting a partner to support it.

Let her negotiate you down from there. Be willing to be 'slowly persuaded' to pay SS for two years. That's plenty of time for her to try to make her dream career work and then find a proper job when it doesn't, and the child will definitely be in school by the end of it, if he isn't already, so that excuse is gone too.

You could also let yourself be negotiated to have a Right of First Refusal clause, which means that if you are unable to care for the child due to your work obligations, you have to offer the time to your ex before hiring a babysitter. That way, your 50-50 access time is enshrined in the agreement, but you recognize that she may be willing and able to help you out sometimes. Just try not to make it a regular thing or she could come back and say she has more than 60% time.

If she had died instead of breaking up with you, you'd have to work and figure out child care. This is similar, but easier. Maybe you can work more hours on days you don't have the kid, and fewer hours on days he's with you.

By letting her 'negotiate' you down to things you appear to me to be willing to agree with already, she'll think she's won and be more likely to sign.

SS duration goes to high end based on the age of the youngest child, due to some outdated notion that women are unable to be employed while they have a kid in school. But the Divorcemate software doesn't tell you that when it spits out that mindboggling duration number. I certainly hope a judge wouldn't order such a thing in your situation.
Rioe, thanks very much for your advice! I really appreciate it!
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 11-10-2016, 09:43 PM
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,139
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

If you have consented (allowed it to happen, agreed etc...) in anyways to her having full custody please do whatever you can do cancel it right now.

Do NOT

DO NOT

DO NOT

Consent to full custody.

Change jobs if you have to,

Spousal Support can be awarded as a form of a SALARY in your situation where a judge would say SURE, the marriage was short but that woman is going to do 100% of the parenting for the next 18 years thus will suffer economic damage so you must PAY her for that damage. Get it?

Secondly, child support is completely dispropportionate to the cost of raising a child. You will be giving her 15% of your net income + all the benefits. You will still have to have housing space for you kid, take him on vacations, pay for all his expenses (cuz your ex-wife is broke). On top of it, your kid will feel abandoned by you, people will think your ex-wife is a hero, people will think you are a dead beat.

Thirdly , you don't have to care for your child. You do what single mothers do, you stick them in daycare.

Fourthly, your 0 income ex-wife is going tobe looking for a sugar daddy far and wide and when she finds him. No matter how far away he is, she is taking your kid and she is gone.

Fifthly, raising children is very rewarding experience. Better than being a corporate slave or whatever random job you happen to be doing.

Sole custody is the second biggest scam of the 21st century.

Last edited by Links17; 11-10-2016 at 09:46 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-11-2016, 12:35 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 11
littlemonk is on a distinguished road
Default

Links17,thanks a lot for your advice! I am now determined to fight for 50/50. What I was thinking about was joint custody, not sole custody. I would never give sole custody to my STBX. Plus, I am in BC. In BC,the guardianship is sepearate from custody concept so she can't take the kid far away without my consent in any circumstances.
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2016, 11:52 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,489
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemonk View Post
Links17,thanks a lot for your advice! I am now determined to fight for 50/50. What I was thinking about was joint custody, not sole custody. I would never give sole custody to my STBX. Plus, I am in BC. In BC,the guardianship is sepearate from custody concept so she can't take the kid far away without my consent in any circumstances.
Correct. BC has really set the standard for how all provinces should deal with mobility. If you are in BC mobility is hard to get even with "sole custody".
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Spousal Support Review FightingForFamily Financial Issues 11 08-27-2013 01:54 PM
Spousal Support "arrears" and taxes BeeQueen Financial Issues 8 04-19-2013 11:40 AM
question about spousal support FormFiller Divorce & Family Law 10 03-27-2013 04:00 PM
Remarriage and Spousal Support SingleDad12 Financial Issues 6 08-09-2012 10:07 AM
The Concept: Standard of living gooddadgoingmad Divorce & Family Law 7 02-20-2006 09:59 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:39 PM.