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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-08-2014, 10:46 AM
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Default Homeless during separation - a light at the end of the tunnel

My family court experience:

In April 2013, after 18 months of marriage and abuse (being bullied, called fat, pushed around, assaulted, and enduring my wife's online sex antics with other men), I decided it would be best if I got a 700/month bachelor apartment for a while.

I was told by Social Services that I couldn't move our daughter from the marital home as it would be considered kidnapping. As my wife had never abused her, I couldn't legally move her from the home.

I told my wife I would pay the mortgage on the house in lieu of CS while we worked this out. She works and her Mother helped us with child care.

Three weeks after I moved out I was served with divorce papers and an application for child support for our daughter, exclusive possession of the MH, and for child support for her 3 kids from her first marriage.

No problem I thought. I'll explain to the judge I'm paying $1570/month for the house. Table 3 is 575/month, so that's $1000/month more than I'm required to pay.

Around comes the court date in June 2013. Before I opened my mouth I had been ordered not to access the MH, to pay $575/month table 3 support, plus I had to pay all the utility bills for the MH. The judge didn't even ask me to speak.

That's still not all that bad, right? Well, I happen to have two sons from a prior relationship. One son lived with me (age 20) and I pay $500/month in cs for my other son (16).

In addition we had developed the basement of the MH and the renovation loan was in my name. So I also carried the matrimonial debt.

Analysis:

My net pay is $3800.00/month and my monthly bills now total the following:

Mortgage Matrimonial Home - $1570.00
C/S 16 year old son - $500.00
new C/S order $575.00/month
utilities matrimonial home $500.00/month
marital debt $500.00/month

The family court system left me with about $150.00/month to live off since May 1, 2013. Not only that, the judge still wanted to determine if I "stood in the place of a parent" to my wife's 3 kids from her first marriage.

Even more child support would have been ordered had I not attended court in September 2013 to dispute her application.

The family court system decided I shouldn't be allowed to live in a $700/month bachelor apartment. So on October 1, 2013 I moved back home with my parents at the age of 45.

When I explained to my wife that I had no money she was only concerned that I hadn't been paying section 7 CS.

Justice prevailed, sort of, on January 6, 2014. My wife owns a rental property and I had learned her tenant moving on January 15/14.

I filed an application to vary the order that gave her exclusive possession of our matrimonial home. The judge asked her why she didn't want to move into her own house and she explained she'd have to move the kids (it's only 10 blocks away/no school change) and it wasn't in their "best interests".

Finally, a judge understood me and told her to move into her own house as soon as possible.

On February 1/14, I have my home back. The house I paid for and bought before I married my wife. I will need a couple of roommates to catch up on the bills but I will finally have a home where my daughter can visit me.

The last 10 months have been tough but my right to apply for shared parenting has been reserved. Hopefully, justice will eventually prevail and shared parenting will be the outcome.

I will follow up in the summer on the outcome of my shared parenting application but for all parents out there who are temporarily homeless during the separation process, there is hope.
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Old 01-08-2014, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Justice prevailed, sort of, on January 6, 2014. My wife owns a rental property and I had learned her tenant moving on January 15/14.
Always good to have yours ears to the ground

Quote:
I filed an application to vary the order that gave her exclusive possession of our matrimonial home. The judge asked her why she didn't want to move into her own house and she explained she'd have to move the kids it's only 10 blocks away/no school change) and it wasn't in their "best interests".
Ahahahahah...OK precious pull the other one, it has bells on it All of a sudden, she is pulling the "in their best interest" card, funny how she missed that when she asked for sole possession of the house "you paid for"


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On February 1/14, I have my home back. The house I paid for and bought before I married my wife.
SPLENDID! Are you still referring to her as that????

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The last 10 months have been tough but my right to apply for shared parenting has been reserved. Hopefully, justice will eventually prevail and shared parenting will be the outcome.
Keep the perseverance wagon going, things are looking up for you matey
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Old 01-08-2014, 11:27 AM
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In April 2013, after 18 months of marriage and abuse (being bullied, called fat, pushed around, assaulted, and enduring my wife's online sex antics with other men), I decided it would be best if I got a 700/month bachelor apartment for a while.
I'm glad things worked out for you and you're getting back on your feet.

But to me, this is a another lesson in the following:

1) Never move out of the marital home unless you have an agreement in place...particularly when there are children involved.
2) If you're abused, call the police and make a report.
3) If you don't understand family law and your rights, consult an attorney before doing anything.

Uninformed actions often lead to serious consequences in separation and divorce situations.
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Old 01-08-2014, 11:53 AM
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Kind of like my situation.....

I got screwed financially very hard for 14 months and the interim judgement later prejudiced my application for shared custody.

How long was your marriage?
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Old 01-08-2014, 01:01 PM
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I still do refer to her as my wife. I really should use another word.

In regards to calling the Police. I did call them but didn't follow up with an official complaint. Her job requires a clean criminal record check. She would no longer be self sufficient if she lost her job. The family court system would have then placed her financial burden on me.

I agree that I learned my lesson and in hindsight and should have stayed and taken the abuse. My situation was complicated by the possibility of being found in loco parentis the longer I stayed. As well, she had barred my sons from visiting me.
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Old 01-08-2014, 01:18 PM
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Sorry to hear you went through a similar situation. I tried to laugh about it when my daughter asked why there was a sewing machine in my room at Grandma's house! I'm thankful to my parents for taking me in at age 45. Emotionally, it was very hard. I went into the family court system with the illusion that it would be fair. What I learned is that all the money follows the child. It is very important that any interim custody order has a paragraph that states that "the respondent's right to apply for shared custody is reserved". Thankfully, I did one thing right.

I also fully agree with Pursuinghappines. Unless a husband's life is in imminent danger, he should never leave the matrimonial home.
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Old 01-08-2014, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Unless a husband's life is in imminent danger, he should never leave the matrimonial home.
I think you will find that most of us men on here that went through a separation / divorce, were glad to have yielded that advice from our own different situations.
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